robinmckay
New member
Hello,
I am going to recount to you my bullying story from when I was a young boy. I had some great memories of my time at Primary School and I wish I could've stayed on but since the senior school only accepted girls, I had no choice but to move on and the place I chose, in many respects now, I wish I hadn't.
From day one, it was torture. I had barely settled and nobody wanted to be friends with myself and I did eventually manage to get one friend but he left after a bit and over time, I found myself being on the end of people's cruel jibes from day to day and was endless mental torture. Mainly, I managed to hold in my anger and disappointment, though there were a few occasions where I did lose it but never did anyone any physical harm.
I was never physically harmed myself by anyone but day in, day out I was always alone in that place. Despite the fact I did hang around with people at the college, it never felt like friendship one bit. I didn't tell anyone about this because I guess I felt ashamed and what's more, even a teacher got in on the act one day and this left me gobsmacked. Don't know what I did to deserve the majority of the school turning into my own worst enemy but there you go, it happened and I've had to live with the scars ever since.
I had been invited to attend one or two reunions in the past but I'd rather go back to my primary one but even then, there would be people who have links to the secondary college I went to and the painful memories would come back. Even now I feel resentment and bitterness towards those people and even toward the college, but deep down, I know that to be wrong, at least from the point of view of blaming the college. I shouldn't hold these feelings towards the people either, but its difficult at the best of times and not one person apologised in the later years or anything like that. Even on Facebook, I've had some people ask me to be their friend and I just think to myself, utter hypocrisy but I accepted them as friends because despite their attitude toward me in the past, I still thought it was the right thing to do.
The effect this mental torture had on me has drowned any confidence I once had and even now, I feel like I have a poor social network and I really want to find someone but whenever I find someone, they're attached and girls that aren't usually look at me and all I see in their eyes is a look which suggests that they're not interested, but usually its quite a fierce impression I receive from them and over the years, I've tolerated being on my own but deep down, I know I'm not a happy man, especially with the crud job I have, too. I don't know if I even have the confidence now to really have a relationship and hold onto it because, being an open man, I have some serious issues and I believe they were made worse because of the bullying, but I am trying to find ways around this and I know this must start now and I need to try and bounce back but whatever happens, those memories will always persevere.
Since these incidents at college happened, I've had a lot of negative thought toward them all but realised that despite how hard it is to accept what they did, I wasn't in the wrong and I was just different, but that cost me years of mental torture at the same time but at least I can hold my head up high and know I hardly ever gave into them.
I am going to recount to you my bullying story from when I was a young boy. I had some great memories of my time at Primary School and I wish I could've stayed on but since the senior school only accepted girls, I had no choice but to move on and the place I chose, in many respects now, I wish I hadn't.
From day one, it was torture. I had barely settled and nobody wanted to be friends with myself and I did eventually manage to get one friend but he left after a bit and over time, I found myself being on the end of people's cruel jibes from day to day and was endless mental torture. Mainly, I managed to hold in my anger and disappointment, though there were a few occasions where I did lose it but never did anyone any physical harm.
I was never physically harmed myself by anyone but day in, day out I was always alone in that place. Despite the fact I did hang around with people at the college, it never felt like friendship one bit. I didn't tell anyone about this because I guess I felt ashamed and what's more, even a teacher got in on the act one day and this left me gobsmacked. Don't know what I did to deserve the majority of the school turning into my own worst enemy but there you go, it happened and I've had to live with the scars ever since.
I had been invited to attend one or two reunions in the past but I'd rather go back to my primary one but even then, there would be people who have links to the secondary college I went to and the painful memories would come back. Even now I feel resentment and bitterness towards those people and even toward the college, but deep down, I know that to be wrong, at least from the point of view of blaming the college. I shouldn't hold these feelings towards the people either, but its difficult at the best of times and not one person apologised in the later years or anything like that. Even on Facebook, I've had some people ask me to be their friend and I just think to myself, utter hypocrisy but I accepted them as friends because despite their attitude toward me in the past, I still thought it was the right thing to do.
The effect this mental torture had on me has drowned any confidence I once had and even now, I feel like I have a poor social network and I really want to find someone but whenever I find someone, they're attached and girls that aren't usually look at me and all I see in their eyes is a look which suggests that they're not interested, but usually its quite a fierce impression I receive from them and over the years, I've tolerated being on my own but deep down, I know I'm not a happy man, especially with the crud job I have, too. I don't know if I even have the confidence now to really have a relationship and hold onto it because, being an open man, I have some serious issues and I believe they were made worse because of the bullying, but I am trying to find ways around this and I know this must start now and I need to try and bounce back but whatever happens, those memories will always persevere.
Since these incidents at college happened, I've had a lot of negative thought toward them all but realised that despite how hard it is to accept what they did, I wasn't in the wrong and I was just different, but that cost me years of mental torture at the same time but at least I can hold my head up high and know I hardly ever gave into them.
