My bf sleeps all the time & always exhausted

grapevine

Well-known member
My bf is on Risperdal that he gets a jab once every fortnight. It's an anti- psychotic & has a lot of side effects including tiredness. He is also a heavy smoker, rolling & smoking his cigarettes every 45 mins or less. He is a solid muscular build guy with a big bloated fat gut too. He mainly eats a lot of dairy foods - and processed stuff and toast with lots of butter. He drinks ice coffee all the time too.
He doesn't work after being sacked from my old stupid boss ( who made the business I work at go bankrupt) . But he recently volunteers a few days a week at a large 2nd shop. But apart from that, his days are aren't really structured.

Anyway, I just get so disappointed, it's ruining our relationship on my end - he lately isn't sexually active or engaging at all.
I'm so tired of him going to bed at around 8:00 at night - it's still light out. And a lot of times in the day he just lacks energy - like he is some old man ( we are in our early 30s). I get so bored and think he doesn't want me anymore. That I'm taking for granted.

It's hard to interact with him as when he is up he spends so long on Facebook that I just see the back of his head. Hardly any engagement. And times when he does it's about him or it's him being funny and silly and making me laugh.
But most of the time he is just exahausted and wanting to sleep.
And it's just so frustrating.

It's hard to cope with ESP when it's all the time. I go out of my way and time to spend time with him at his place and he just wants to sleep. You know it's like why did I rush and make my food to bfi g over and pack if when I get there he is just going to sleep at 8:00 all the time .

But then sometimes he doesn't even go to bed at all - usually once or so a fortnight because he slept so myluch the days before and I find it hard to sleep with him walking around and his computer glare etc.

It's just so disappointing and frustrating because I crave interaction and giving up my time to be over his and he mainly is just always on the computer or sleeping . When I get films he doesn't even have the attention span to watch them. When I've made or bought food for him most of it goes to waste. When I've made a garden at his, it's been me doing it all. When we go out it's usually always with my car and my petrol all the time and usually my money we use to eat out or buy things in a shop that he forgets to pay me back. He only gets $20 a day as his dad controls his pension since he was sick with a psychosis 8 years ago.

It's just so frustrating.
 
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grapevine

Well-known member
Have you tried talking to him about it and telling him how it makes you feel?

Well yes and no. I have voiced myself. But I haven't really sat down and shown my frustration and gravity of it to him. More really of 'nagging' in the moment kinda thing. His response last night to that before he went to sleep was that he can't be expected to entertain me all the time when I'm over. And I answered by saying that I didn't exactly want that- he was like 'what do you want' and I just wigged out and said for us to be happy. Which is true.

Before I first walked into this relationship I was very much in a good way mentally with fresh revelations about my own self-development. I realised that I didn't need anyone else to make me feel okay and good and that my own company was a freedom and fun thing. And the minute that happened - I was asked out.

I realised that I wanted to be authentic and if I could hold onto my own value and not worry about being alone and not fear being rejected that being my true self in this relationship would be an ease and be valuable if not a valuable learning opportunity.

Those values I still hold, yet Ive been neglecting. There was a time this last few months where I got angry with the frustration as his lifestyle abandons my values - and I would be voicing my opinions at him constantly - like smoking and leaving tobacco leaves everywhere and eating crap and sleeping all the time and everything else. It felt good to show my true self and where I stand - yet it wasnt good for the relationship.

I went through times before that where I wanted to change him. Wanted to try and find ways to help him and motivate him slowly through influence and excitement. But I know that only he can do those things when he is ready and willing - when things go so bad I guess.

The point is, like today- last night I wrote this thread. And guess what? Im sitting here today and its midday and he is asleep on the bed again.

you know Im not saying this as in being angry at him- he cannot help that medication makes him that way. But it feels like a complete waste of time for me. Im left with being bored and then feeling lost when I go home because I have giving most of myself away to his world.

I end up making desicions with him that do not meet my values - like getting take away hot chips or going for a long drive when I want to conserve my petrol and want to eat better again. I do these things for some sort of excitement. Because of the lack that is in this relationship.

I mean what can I do?

I dont want to break up with him. But I want to acheive my own goals. The thing is that everytime I am at my place doing something - and in the thick of doing something, he turns up and then I have to put all my stuff away and then pack to go to his place and then end up bored again.
 

AtTheGates

Banned
well maybe it would be a god idea to keep your options open. maybe you could actually do better?also, theres a chance that you can encourage him to change but theres also a chance that he's already set in his ways .


if time goes on and you two still dont "click" in all the ways that you mentioned then maybe you should pursue other avenues . you dont want to spend years and years trying to mend a relationship that is more trouble than its worth.



I guess thats pretty much the question you should as yourself: is it worth the trouble







but before you do THAT try lighting a fire under his a$s..........metaphorically speaking ,that is. lol...seriously though, maybe you can get him to change his lazy ways.



and i KNOW lazy. I used to be the laziest person ever. it was awesome ...until it WASNT anymore : /
 
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Mikazuki1590

Well-known member
I get it. You just want to feel appreciated for the things you do for him and to feel like your company is enjoyed and for him to also respect your values and lifestyle. If only you two could strike some sort of balance between your two lifestyles but of course that can only happen if you really talk to him about it and show him how much it hurts you and how much of a strain it puts on your relationship.

Maybe he just honestly can't see it because he's stuck in this rut of doing the same thing every day. He may be content with that but you aren't and a relationship is give and take. It can't be one sided. It's gonna end up not being fair to someone. So my advice is to really let him know how much this affects you and your relationship. If he truly loves you, then he should want to change or at the very least, compromise.

If he doesn't, then honestly, it doesn't sound like you two are compatible. It's not fair for you to be in an unhealthy relationship.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
If I was to make a call based on what info you've given, I'd say he doesn't appreciate you at all.

And that is all I'd need to walk.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
I think you're clinging to something that's just not there anymore. The medication isn't really an excuse for 100% of his current behavior. He also needs to get his life together. From what you say, it's not just his eating habits that are a mess, but everything else as well. Even if you don't want to dump him right away, at least have some time apart to see what he does.
 

grapevine

Well-known member
Thanks guys. I like to say that he is a very loyal and kind man. That is what attracts me to him.

So yesterday I came home and said I was going to sleep at my place for once. I was a bit upset but decided to cope with it on my own. As yesterday he just slept all day again and i thought that I would make a dream board for him as a kind of message to him in a positive light rather than me writing to him or talking to him. As a kind of push, it seemed though when I did it, a little mean-spirited tho. But I made a picture with things from the net - I wrote this year and put a hand with money and a picture of him and a house and a guitar and things he has said he would want. I made that and to be able to put it on his laptop I had to put it on his facebook wall first for a few seconds. I then put it on his wallpaper.
I showed him - tho the wallpaper cut off most of the picture. He asked me if I could take it off his wall when I asked him to take it off. It was the only way I could put it on his computer.
But anyway, that upset me. Because its a running theme, that I being my personality type - want to try to fix everything and Im always going out of my way spending my time motivated to do things for him to make him better and they just get wasted.

So I got upset and even rescheduled time with a girlfriend yesterday as I my mind wasnt with it. I went home and talked to mum about it. She always goes a bit overboard and wants me home all the time- but we have been in a co-dependence for ages as she is partly deaf and cannot drive etc.

Anyway, I get a message in the late afternoon from my partner asking if he could come sleep over my place where I am. So he comes over, looks terrible - he had slept all day after I had left, slept since 8:00 the night before and he comes over - he said he would go for a walk with me on the phone - but then changed his mind and then decided to go wit hme at the last minute - a 15 minute walk.
When we came back - he slept in my bed from 7:00 at night - and I couldn't hardly talk or interact with him at all. Then in the morning at about 7:00 he left to go home.

Its like I have to be around him like a co-dependence but thats it. Dont have to be animated or connect. I just dont get it.

So I plan on doing my own things more now. I know inside that he needs to see a better doctor, needs a bloodtest and lung capacity test and a sleeping test for sleep apnea and to go to a good nutritionist and to quit smoking and drinking huge amounts of milk and dairy and he needs to seriously detox his body. He is like a sick old man with his breathing and he smokes like a chimney with those roll your owns.

It just annoys the crap out of me as my biggest value is health and everything that I have learnt about it- I know so much since I was 15 - thats all Ive read about- (and Im 34 now lol ) and practiced and its my passion and I can see what a big difference certain small changes would make to his quality of life and health and yet I just cannot do anything. Its up to him.
Its frustrating.

My health has gone down quite a bit and so that is what I am concentrating on now. And it means that I will be staying at my place more often.

Ive spent 8 months staying over his place and living in bags - transporting my stuff back and forth and stuff. Its been good but its also been a bit of loosing myself.

The worst thing is that Im so used to him always contacting me and always being with him as that is what he likes from day one really - so when Im at work he would usually go to visit me for 10 mins or so, when Im at home also.

Its been so close that I have not had any breathing space and I struggled with that and then now - its like a dependency thing I have to battle through when I even do decide to stay at home and if he stays at his place. Its like I feel a bit rejected because Im so used to him following me I guess.

But I need to bring things back to healthy first and foremost. That means I need respect and my space a bit. And I need to work on my own health as that is where I always find myself.

Im not breaking up with him, Im just concentrating on me now and not him. Ive done sp much that I have disrespected myself in most areas of my life personally. Its going to feel hard and awkard not going over to his place and prob not having him come over after Ive spent more time here. Im pushing back. I mean, being over his place- thats his home - Ive been livign out of home and driving so far and spending and not having my own homely things that made me me - you know - Ive been away for that long. If I was hungry I couldnt go and cook something as I wouldnt use thier kitchen as he lives in a double garage type thing that its like a unit house and the parents live next door and they cook meat all the time- and I wasnt prepared to bring my blenders and juicers and stuff - I did try in his room but it didnt work out as there is no taps. So Ive had a hard time trying to eat healthy basically. I was the healthiest I ever was prior. Just things liek that - and also going outside in the bushes to go to the toliet because I felt too shy to have to go through with keys and go into his parents house and say hello and everything every time I had to go to the toliet. Which would sky rocket my social phobia.

When Im home, just that is a like an indulgence now. And having to carry all my heavy things back and foruth from my car to his room up a very steep driveway on my own most of the time.

If he got hungry he had stuff easily to get - his mum gave us a mini fridge and I store my food in there - but I cannot cook and have missed out on that.

The other thing (on this rant now...) is that when ever he is doing his things - so when he volounteers a few days a week and Im not working - I get to finally do things Ive been needing to do - but he turns up in the afternoon and just sits there as though he is waiting for me and so I end up stopping what Im doing and quickly making my tea and packing my things to go over his place - and then I get there and I jsut see the back of his head- sitting on his desk on his laptop on facebook or looking up his million slefies and the ones he just took - spending time looking at his face photos , hardly talking to me- or he is sleeping.

and me kicking myself that I wanted to finish what I was doing.

When he is engaging, its usually him being very humourous and very funny and its fun- but its still hard to interact with him. There are moments when have converstations though and that is good - I really try to seek them out and look forward to them- but he is usually just sleeping.


You know - every few weeks he gets his good friend from in town to come down and they have a guitar jam session. He gets so into his music that I leave him be and I try to go off and do my thing. His friend will come down or he will go into town to see him and they wil go and get the drug ice and stay up all night and play music. (and when I first learnt about this drug and that he was taking it then I cried and went home- it is against my values and still is and I hate him for that and tell him I will leave). He would use that stuff every week or every second week and I have made him stop - but when his friend is over he for some reason has to have it and it sux.

So it was on last friday he had some and then the other day he had to go to the doctor for his regular Risperdal anti physchotic jab- of 50 mls I think that he gets each fortnight.

His sleeping is caused from so many toxic things in his life that he puts in his body. Its amazing he is still alive.


So I just need to do things from my end and be authentic and respectful to myself. And think things through when he asks me to come over - think about myself first and what I would like to do in advance for the next day etc.. and take it slowly as my stress levels - Ive needed to slow down for a long time.
 
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grapevine

Well-known member
Lol well that was a long rant and I feel better now. I feel so much more unbalance and better when I'm at work and have my independence time and then see him and when he has done the same in the day too. That just makes me feel lucky and good and loved etc more.

I completely forgot he went to work yesterday. The reason he left early.

Thing is, Im not feeling my best and I want my time apart from him to re-centre myself. Im not getting things out of this relationship like I thought I would. I need to go back into my shell and find myself again and see where things are at. That is what I feel. Do my own inner work again etc.
 
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