Mourning and focusing on the "negative" is counter intuitive people !

[deleted #89]

Allot of the post on here are about the lack of friends you have or about how hard your life is......OK now its time to focus NOT necessarily on the positive but on the progress. Take responsibly for your life your actions and be more realistic in your thinking. If somethings goes bad remember that tomorrow is a new day and you can restart all over. Your past already happened tomorrow is still not here all you have is NOW. People with SA are very perfectionist and judgmental toward themselves. Try working on that t start seeing some changes.....enough with the self loathing.

 

[Feeling_Nothing]

I realize all this however it is easier said then done...every time I gather the courage to go do something, something goes horribly wrong and I end up feeling worse then before.

 

[da_illest101]

I know why I self loath often, because the positivity doesn't last long. The more I live, the worse I see thing are going. No matter how much effort I put into it, the results are always temporary.

This might sound like a joke, but unfortunately it really happened to me: thinking positively actually gives me headache and I tried many times before same result.

and like Feeling Nothing said, sometimes you try something and it end up making you feel worse then before

 

[deleted #89]

I know why I self loath often, because the positivity doesn't last long. The more I live, the worse I see thing are going. No matter how much effort I put into it, the results are always temporary.

This might sound like a joke, but unfortunately it really happened to me: thinking positively actually gives me headache and I tried many times before same result.

and like Feeling Nothing said, sometimes you try something and it end up making you feel worse then before

I know what you mean but the thing is really NOT a " positive thinking " behavior that we have to take on but a more realistic one.

 

[da_illest101]

I know what you mean but the thing is really NOT a " positive thinking " behavior that we have to take on but a more realistic one.

The negative ones are more often the realistic one in my case. but I get what you mean

 

[nicole1]

I think people do that to share experiences and to discuss their feelings. Focusing may not be the proper way to look at it. No one is happy all the time. And what you are saying, in an article of my Psychology Today magazine said that that positive thinking and positive affirmation is useless to people that suffer with low self esteem.
I think you are looking at it wrong. I also think you are telling people how to act and feel with out realizing you are doing so. You're not a licensed psychologist, so I don't think your advice has any heft.
People feel how they feel. People are free to discuss what they want and how they want. How you feel about them doing so is a personal problem.
It's okay to look to the past and also plan for the future... It's okay to discuss these things (esp. if the point of a topic is to simply get to know what people experienced and how people feel about certain topics.) Who knows, what they have to say may help someone else.

 

[sullyS25]

I love this post, thank you! I wanted to post this video it makes me laugh.

Puppetji - "Complaining" - YouTube

 

[nicole1]

I hate that "think positive" nonsense. It doesn't work... I can't have a break down and just think positive and it just magically change all of my problems with my SA. I am a perfectionist sometimes... I don't really hate myself... I kinda think highly of myself a lot of times... But that's not the problem.
Plus, I tried that approach...didn't work.

 

[sullyS25]

I hate that "think positive" nonsense. It doesn't work... I can't have a break down and just think positive and it just magically change all of my problems with my SA. I am a perfectionist sometimes... I don't really hate myself... I kinda think highly of myself a lot of times... But that's not the problem.
Plus, I tried that approach...didn't work.

I dont think this post is about constantly thinking positive or being unrealistically positive. I think it is more about not dwelling on the negative parts of your life all the time....If you constant are thinking about negative things I guarantee your reality will manifest itself that way...Thinking positive may not work for you as you have said but how has thinking negative worked out for you so far?

 

[The Observer]

I get what you mean.

Nicole1 said "I hate that "think positive" nonsense. It doesn't work" maybe not for you it hasn't, but I'm sure it does /has done for others.

I mean people have a choice and they choose to be like this, no one is holding a gun to their heads saying "ok today you have to self-loath and feel like s**t" People will argue "ohh I'm like this cause what happened in the past." Yeah maybe so, but the past was then, this is NOW. I just can't see why people keep on prolonging stuff that happened in the past and continue to let it hinder them living a proper life.

I'd be very careful using sites like this if I still suffered with SA due to all the negitive stuff on them and the way things are done. There seems to be a theme "who has it the worst" or "who can come up with the most extreme case of SA"

So yeah its very counter intuitive

 

[coyote]

often, by expressing yourself, you are able to see exactly what the problem is

or maybe someone else can identify their own problem by reading about yours

you can't work on solving the problem until you are able to identify what it is

so in that way, it is constructive for people to lay out their issues here in the safety of this forum

particularly when they don't feel like they have the luxury to do so in other venues or to other audiences in their lives

 

[nicole1]

I don't think some people choose to be that way. When I choose to be positive instead of discussing the negative...I will eventually get frustrated. I have been putting on that pretend like this isn't bothering me face for quite some time.

I don't see any of this as dwelling on negative. They are discussions. Some talk about posting funny pics, some encourage exercise, some inform on methods that have worked for them, some want to just get it all out.

I do come here to discuss things and become more active when things are going tough for me. Sometimes that's discussing the negative things, venting about how my SA has impacted my ability to have a "normal" life. But then I will also participate in other topics.

I think the negative stands out to you for some odd reason. I don't think people are dwelling on it. I don't think this is a negative place. I think it's purpose is to bring together people with this common disorder... We are all diff.

I'm quite sure that I meant that the "think positive nonsense may not work for me" because I posted it at the end of what I was saying. I'm well aware that it may work for others... But it hasn't worked for me.

And I agree most with what Coyote said.

 

[twiggle]

Yeah I agree with coyote.

I'm a big advocate of positive thinking but I also don't believe in repressing feelings. If you want to rant, rant. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to moan, moan. Sometimes it is doing that that you realise the answer to your problems, you can make more of an identification of the problem.

If people can't get things off their chest in an anonymous forum such as this, then where?

I do agree with you that it reaches a point where it's time to take action though.

 

[Feeling_Nothing]

Yeah I agree with coyote.

I'm a big advocate of positive thinking but I also don't believe in repressing feelings. If you want to rant, rant. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to moan, moan. Sometimes it is doing that that you realise the answer to your problems, you can make more of an identification of the problem.

If people can't get things off their chest in an anonymous forum such as this, then where?

I do agree with you that it reaches a point where it's time to take action though.

Noone around me knows how I really feel because I hide how I feel pretty good. I do get the comment, "what are you? Afraid of people?" quite often and just laugh it off. The only ones that know how I feel are some online friends and obviously most people here. I never cried infront of anyone before so I just do it by myself when I'm in bed. I do find it easier to talk about things here though...

 

[twiggle]

Noone around me knows how I really feel because I hide how I feel pretty good. I do get the comment, "what are you? Afraid of people?" quite often and just laugh it off. The only ones that know how I feel are some online friends and obviously most people here. I never cried infront of anyone before so I just do it by myself when I'm in bed. I do find it easier to talk about things here though...

Me too.

It's harder to talk about these things irl. I feel guilty talking about my problems in public when I'm around my friends...whereas because people here have SA and can associate with the feelings, I don't feel as guilty if I rant here.

I get it out here, then I get on with it in real life. Works for me.

 

[KiaKaha]

I actuallly have a switch that I turn on for positive thinking, you know.... like turning on a light - you guys should get one - its that easy.

 

[coyote]

I actuallly have a switch that I turn on for positive thinking, you know.... like turning on a light - you guys should get one - its that easy.

like this?

 

[KiaKaha]

^ exactly - I mean come on people... didnt you know life can be full of sweet rainbows, gumdrops and unicorns - all you need is to flik the switch.

 

[deleted #89]

^ exactly - I mean come on people... didnt you know life can be full of sweet rainbows, gumdrops and unicorns - all you need is to flik the switch.

lol omg. Its not about positive thinking but its all about having a REALISTIC mindset. Ever heard of R.E.T?

 

[KiaKaha]

^ hey I am all about realistic thinking, seriously. I am also a strong believer in expressing and accepting emotions, whether they be negative or positive. Isnt realistic thinking an interpretation of ones own reality.....about how one feels? I was merely trying to say that sometimes people cant help thinking a certain kind of way. Its not something you can change easily... its not necessarily a choice. People who dont think the same way, as someone with a flawed thinking pattern - cant understand it because THEY dont think that way....confused? Me too.... I wanna play battleships.

No I havent heard of RET, but I can imagine its some kind of therapy - perhaps you could explain...?