Mother of teen with OCD has a question

[cjc]

My son has had OCD for just over three years. He will be turning 15 in a few weeks. It began in his last year of elementary school and gradually became worse until, last year, it was awful. I am not sure if it became worse because we tried a few different medications which had bad side effects, or if it was just a downward swing, but he has improved significantly since then.

His OCD is in the form of intrusive thoughts with compulsions and he has also been through cognitive behaviour therapy that helped. He is still up and down and his frustration and anger over the OCD and how it is controlling his life is completely understandable but his teen behaviour, overlaid with this, is just wearying.

My question is this - is it possible for his OCD to lessen as he moves out of the teen years and he learns to cope with his various stresses (school being the main one)? I have a friend who has lived with OCD all her life and she said it was much worse when she was younger. I never knew she had OCD until I told her about my son. I never noticed it in her but a few things now fall into place that I can see were due to OCD. It wouldn't have crossed my mind unless she told me.

I suppose I am looking to hear positive stories. I was very scared last year by what was happening and it was made all the worse by an acquaintance's son committing suicide. He had OCD amongst a few other diagnoses and I was terrified my son was headed in the same direction. I am not thinking this way now given his marked improvement but I still wonder if he will be able to function as an independent and happy adult. Any thoughts?

 

[crazycatlady27]

yes it is, i was ocd when i was a teenager and your hormones are going nuts you are up and down all the time, the fact you have been able to reduce it now is great.
i say just keep doing what you are doing because it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job, it will most likely get better but maybe try the c.b.t again if you think its getting a little worse. the only thing i worry about is there exams !!! the stress from them might be a trigger for it.
i am still a little ocd now at 27 but it does not effect my everday life and i think everyone has a little ocd in them, my brother and mother sometimes display it a little

good luck and you are doing a great job !!!!!

 

[cjc]

Thank you! I am so glad you have improved since your teen years. I hope my son does too. He always says "you have no idea what it's like having this" and he's right, I have no idea. We are all suffering.

 

[OCDd]

wow, this sounds exactly like my ocd, i am 15 and mine started in 6th grade. my hormones went wacked out and i started doing stupid things and i got ocd, depression, and anxiety. i had it very severe and was dysfunctional. i started therapy and medication, and did some other exercises to help. I got much, much better! i am doing great and tell your son their is hope and that he WILL get better. i had the same symptoms as him and i had a while where it was so bad i could not move because of my ocd. but, i got better and so will he. you sound like you really care about your son and are doing good. tell your son that he is going to be fine and that i got better to instill some hope. just meet with a psychiatrist to get medicine if he needs it along with the therapy and cbt. i dont know where you live but i just got done with a program at UCLA, california in westwood, and it was fantastic. they were very, very helpful. they are said to be the 6th best treatment in the US for ocd. i loved the program and it helped me a ton. i hope this helps you, and God bless

 

[cjc]

Thanks for your encouragement. My son won't even consider medication now after his experiences last year. He's trying to fight this on his own. He did CBT and had to move from one therapist to another because the first wasn't quite right for him. The one he has now is great and he hasn't needed to see him for two months.

One problem is that my son knows he has OCD but doesn't really want to admit it or acknowledge it. He calls it "my problem" and tries to hide it, even from us and we know all about it! I think he might have an easier time dealing with it if he could just admit the OCD and move on. I think constant denial just feeds it and makes it worse.

 

[dottie]

His OCD is in the form of intrusive thoughts with compulsions

can you give more specific examples so we can understand the seriousness of it?

 

[cjc]

He has intrusive thoughts that he will change, or is changing, and taking on "bad traits" from other people. Sometimes he thinks people are affecting him and making it so he won't be able to understand school work or won't play sports as well. His compulsions are varied and change all the time. Previously (and sometimes still) it involved switching lights on and off, or continuously turning the taps ons and off (breaking the shower handle as well as the sink tap) having to touch things over and over again, arranging things in a certain way, going up and down the stairs and having difficulty dressing. Also he would repeat certain names over and over again.

Last year it was very bad. This year it's much better but still an impediment and horribly frustrating and exhausting for him. He has been told to fight the compulsions and he struggles but does curb them quite quickly. Unfortunately his denial of the problem also means he won't listen to us when we try to suggest ways to help - he completely shut me down tonight when I suggested soothing music to fall asleep to. He had a stressful day with homework and told me tonight that his "problem" was getting bad. I do know that it gets better at times and then gets worse.

He doesn't really want to discuss it at all and I don't know if he is better than last year or just managing it more successfully. He is doing much better in school and is certainly able to focus more than he did last year. I guess I'm taking this as a sign of improvement because there were times last year when he couldn't write at all or take notes in class.

 

[crazycatlady27]

he seems to be getting along quite well, and although he wont talk about it he knows he has ocd, he might be researching it on his own. you sound like you are doing everything right and dealing with it as best you can, and if he is improving keep doing what you are all doing

 

[goingcrazy]

Coincidently, I am fifteen in about 2 weeks, and i have OCD too. Don't worry yourself over the fact that he isn't open to your suggestions, because when my mum tries to suggest stuff, or try to help me, i shut her down. I know she is trying to help, but like you said you son says, 'she just doesn't understand'. Like one of my compulsions is that i feel as if numbers 'need' to be even, and if they aren't, some bad will happen. And i recognize that it is absolutely stupid, but the OCD is just nagging me, and it really messes with your head, until you feel like it is easier to give in to it, rather than fight. I do see a therapist, and she helps, but i haven't gone to her in quite a while. Things do get incredibly hard during exam weeks, and i find my OCD gets really bad. Honestly, at times it is so horrible that i feel like i want to give up. And i am a very anxious person too, so sitting for exams are terrifying and if I'm not in the 'right' spot, things get very difficult. So I'm hoping it will get better, and less time consuming (my compulsions for different things tend to take awhile). I guess i just wrote this because i want your son to know he is not alone! And for you not to stress that he is blocking you out! He is possibly just embarrassed, i hate talking about my OCD to my parents (or friends!) xx

 

[cjc]

I do know he feels embarrassed by some things. I am not that patient either. I get angry at the OCD and we argue. Thank you for your insight. You seem further along in understanding/accepting the OCD. I keep thinking that he might find it easier to fight it if he didn't try to deny it all the time. I wish I were more patient.

 

[goingcrazy]

Like does he deny that he has it at all? Because i found that makes it a lot harder. The more i told myself that I wasn't OCD, the worse it become! Have you ever thought of maybe introducing him to websites like this one? Where he can talk to other his age who have OCD too, it might make him accept it more? Just a thought!

 

[cjc]

On one hand he knows he has OCD but then he denies that things he does, that are obviously compulsions, are because of the OCD. He is horribly rigid in his thinking and has this idea that there are "weird people" vs. "normal people." He thinks anyone with psychological issues is in the "weird" category. This, I know, is made worse at school where the kids appear to be really judgemental. Nothing we say seems to sway him from that. We've even pulled up info on famous people who have OCD, or anxiety issues and Aspergers but to no avail.

I have to say that while I think this forum is great I'm not sure he's at the point where it would be helpful for him to read it. He sees the negative before he sees the positive and I know many posts on this site would freak him out and make him more concerned about OCD than ever. He'll read posts from people who are requesting help with severe bouts of it and only see that. I know him too well.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

@CJC I can relate to your son. I was like that too. I kept my OCD relatively hidden, no one around me knew that I had it. AND, I refused to believe that I did. I could not live with the idea that I was mentally ill. It horrified me to think that there was something wrong with my mind.....eventually, I began to accept that I had OCD but then I still refused to seek treatment. I felt hopeless and confused and just wished the problem would go away.....IT NEVER DID. I've been struggling with this for well over a decade. Two weeks ago, I went to see a doctor. What a relief! I was only fooling myself. Now, I feel a small bit of hope. I haven't told my family, I don't plan on either but at least I've admitted it to myself and sought help. HUGE STEP FOR ME.
At least your son has a supportive family and there isn't any stigma for having mental issues. That's a huge advantage that he has! Just keep loving and supporting him.

 

[goingcrazy]

The thing is, to him the things he denies are compulsions, probably seem completely normal to him, and that could be why he denies it. After I was diagnosed, I started to realize that some of the stuff I did was actually compulsions. But realizing that took me awhile, as I kept telling myself that it was just 'something I did normally'. As for the weird vs normal thing, I suppose that is what a lot of people with OCD do. I'm only assuming that, because I haven't actually personally met anyone at school or anywhere who have OCD and i can talk to about it. But for me, I also do that. I will actually look at someone, and watch what they do, and then try to categorize them into things by what i think they have (or don't have). So i suppose in a way that is a bit like what your son is doing. It's a shame that getting stuff about famous people with OCD didn't help, because i have spent hours doing the exact same thing. I found that David Beckham has OCD, and I read so many articles about it, and watched all these interviews. For me, that really helped, but also got me down a little, when i read certain things being said by other people. For example, one said that 'OCD is a celebrity craze, that everyone seems to be having'. It was as if they thought it was something that would be cool to have or something you could just choose to have! Which i found made me feel weird, but yeah. Please feel free to ask me questions whenever you want, because I'd love to try and help xx

 

[ahdil33]

For me at least it did happen when I was a teenager (I'm still one though lol), but with CBT/exposure therapy it's all pretty much gone (well as gone as OCD can go ). It's not going to be easy but patience is required, and that's easier said that done. I believe he's definitely capable of functioning as an independent and happy adult, and I think that if you've overcome OCD you're usually already in a better place when life gets tough. He will have to accept it and cooperate though, but like I'm sure he knows, it is not easy haha, but it's certainly doable.

 

[cjc]

Thanks Imnotmyillness, Goingcrazy and ahdil33. I really appreciate your responses. We were talking at dinner tonight about my son's uncle who is an alcoholic and not in very good shape at the moment. My son said "why doesn't he just stop drinking?" and when my husband said "it's not that easy. It's like when we tell you to control your compulsions and you can't" I think something twigged. Then my son said "Well, he can reduce it. I've reduced mine a lot." I have to say, he really has reduced it. No comparison to last year and without medication too. I guess I have to keep in mind how much progress has been made.

 

[JohnDee]

Getting out of your teenage years definately takes the edge off. Hope everything goes well for your son, he's not alone!! Even if you are impatient. The proof of it, is you being here enquering about this! stay strong!

 

[cjc]

Thank you! The support here is wonderful. Just an aside, I'm not sure if any of you know that Dan Ackroyd was diagnosed with Tourette's and Aspergers when he was a child. My son also had tics and I was horribly concerned, but they lasted just under a year so I guess they are considered "transient" and not Tourette's. I am hoping desperately that the worst affects of his OCD do die down as he matures.

I also want to ask all of you for your opinion on something. My son is a good hockey player and there is the possibility that, in the coming years, he might consider moving away to play with a team and billeting with a family. This might happen before he finishes school. Is this a disaster waiting to happen or could it help him control his OCD because he would have to? Sometimes my husband and I wonder if the OCD is driven by our family dynamics. My son is the oldest child and, personality wise, he has always been very reliant on us. This is probably a result of a perfect storm of his personality type, our fussing over the first child, and now growing frustration on both sides over his need to look to us for help rather than try things himself. His sister, four years younger, is much more self-reliant then he is. I think we also placed expectations on him that he found hard to meet and now it's hard to backpedal and undo the damage.

If he is away from us and just expected to handle his life without us hovering could it give him a sense of control (and lesser anxiety) that he doesn't feel now? On the other hand, could the pressure of hiding his OCD almost 24/7 just make his situation worse?