Misunderstood because of SA

[CHAKRAPOINT]

SA has made people think that im stuck up because i tend to not interact in class like the rest of the students so they think that that im just very self centered and that i think that im better than they are or something which i can see why they would think that because i tend to project a face of everything is all good but i think that it manifests on my face as sumthing different,as if i think im the best which is not true its just me faking it cause my relaxed face when people are around luks like im really insecure and frightened so i squint in order to make everything luk like im really relaxed to hide my frightened eyes.

-SA also makes me people misunderstand me in the sense where when im in a situation where i know everyone is watching my every move directly or indirectly i then become so nervous of thinking how i am doing things or how my face looks like that my body movements just show that im uncomfortable,for example,i was in a group of guys and girls and a gay guy came up to me as i tend to be the one with the looks and starting trying his luck on me,my social skills are already bad and i just stand there quiet now when the gay guy came i became super nervous as i knew he would draw attention to me which i always try to avoid and he kept talking and i didnt know what to say and i knew my facial expression was showin that i was nervous ,so i just kept quiet and the guy left me saying that i was quiet because i was intimidated by him because i must be hiding something or my fellings for him which wasnt true its just that all that attention that i didnt know how to handle made me not think about what to say next and look relaxed b as i was looking at the other people and could see that they saw iwas uncomfortable which made me even more uncomfortable as now if i tried to look relaxed they would think "oh now he is just trying to hide his feelings for the guy,he must be in the closet"

-another experience is with kids,my parents had friends over who had a small girl with them who was very talkative,it was me my mom,brother and sister in tv room and when the kid came in she automatically came to me to pick her up as im the biggest in the family which brings too much attention than i can handle,so in those split seconds i was analyzing the situation thinking if i dont pick her my family would think im mean and wont be a good uncle and i knew if i did pick her and put her in my lap i would act awkward which turned out to be true because i did pick her up.now i started to move around funny as i knew my family was watching my every movement even thogh their eyes were on the tv.the kid then mentioned that i was not holding her nicely and i knew i wasnt not because i intended to but becuase i was too busy analysing my familys expression to me having the kid as was the center of attention and i started to get nervous thinking that they may think that i have hidden tendancies towards children or something like a paedophile but thats not true,its just that being the center of attention i freeze up and if it was just me and the kid i know i would be very relaxed as i know there isnt anyone judging my every move.

when kids are around i am forced to interact with them,i freeze up because they will bring attention to me to talk which i usually dont talk.my personality is kind of monotonous and plain and when im forced to act all sensitive and kiddish i just cant pull it out of me which manifests itself as me being very uncomfortable around them and the adults around me and i get super anxious as i know they can see that ive tensed up around the kids and them.now i can that my family looks at me different when im with kids after that incident.

another incident where iwas misunderstood is when i was hanging with some guys and i was on the edge,now one of the guys invited a bunch of girls to come hang so they did and i ended up being the guy sitting next to all the girls on my right and my "friends" on the the left.as soon as that happend i knew iwas expected to do something and interact with the girls but i just sat there quiet as usually what i also do with my friends.since i knew i was the center of attention i started to act fuuny again and moved around weirdly and knew that all my friends on my left saw this and the girls on my right,i was like the center of communication between the two now my friends see that i cant talk with girls and think that the reason i stay at home all day and cant talk with girls nor them is that im gay or something which ticks me off cause i know all these things arent true


-another incident that i was misu

 

[Gerdje]

Yeah, I really understand what you're saying. Your forcing yourself so much to look relaxed although you're frightened of the situation drawing all attention to you. I had a lot of these situations before I started to avoid them all together.
I know where it goes wrong but I cannot stop it, paranoid thinking.

I had countless of these situations, last one when I was in mental health hospital for 7 months, most patients where very talkative and even cried for attention and doing all kind of loud stuff for every bit of attention. One day one patient had his wallet stolen, but he was a brutal kind of guy forced in mental health or going to jail, I don't know his full history, it wasn't my business after all. He was suspecting one after the other, and when we sat in the smoking room and he was there also it was all about the stolen wallet, and I was sitting there trembling like I always do around too many crowd, looking around anxiously and barely ever saying 1 word, I was feeding myself I was the one making myself the highest suspect because I never say a word, only trying to relax sitting among others and smoking a cigarette.
I got so paranoid over time that I was the highest suspect that actually started getting panic attack as soon as the guy entered the smoking room, and my fleeding away to my room. It was like I actually almost started convincing myself that I stole that wallet, even If I never would steal anything, but I was so in the circle of thinking people will start to suspect me because of my anxious and paranoid ideas of having all eyes on me as soon as the stolen wallet came to talk about. I told me shrink of my paranoid ideas and told here I would never steal anything, not even a cookie, and that I know almost started to make myself believe I did that. Luckily she understood me in my paranoid behavior. I ended up other people who did talk with me some words not talking to me because in their view I was "the thief". When the whole case came to light and it came out, a female person who did it, not by accident the biggest "talker" and visionary in "helping" him find the thief, and pinpointing her perpetrators....

These are situations I end up in many times, afterwards blaming myself that my way of action of weird thinking actually cause me so many suspections of things I'm not or things I would never do.

Actually, I wanna say these are encounters that regularly feed my anxiety, or even having to be in situations where I know i will act wrong and being misjudged, that I started to avoid almost everything, or these days, let me just be honest avoid EVERYTHING.

Sorry for my self-centered rambling, I just wanted to say, I understand what you mean, and the weird situations you can encounter when too much attention is drawn upon you causing stressful thoughts.

 

[Ignace]

I really hate it when people say/think that I think I'm too good for them because I'm quiet with people who are not my friends. They should know .. it's the opposite people !

 

[mwas]

I know it must be very argonising for you to have those kind of thoughts, but you know what? I can bet not one of those guys you hang up with or your family notices anything weird. Tell u what? try walking while you are walking with your friend probably on a street n there are buildings with glasses like display or something whereby you can see your reflection as you talk while walking, I can promise you you will see yourself perfectly normal...that can boost your morale and change your perception.