hi i am 29 years old man and have had social phobia all my life. i was shy at school and only had a few friends. once i had left school i managed to get a job but i didn't mix well with the people there and i ended up leaving. never had a job since. have no friends now as i shyed away from them. didn't think they liked me. cant talk to anyone face to face. cant use the phone. my mother does everything for me i want to change this. i want friends and in time i hope a girlfriend. i realise how much i'm missing out.
missing out
- Thread starter Catuk
- Start date
Lonelykitsune
Well-known member
hey welcome.Im still in scholl so i dont know about the job stuff,but i have made the first two phonecalls of my life this week,its definetly not as hard it seems.i found planning out what i was going to say first with my mum helped me a lot,might work for you.
Silvox Black
Well-known member
Your pain is well received here my friend, there are many here who fear that they have been left out of a valuable experience in life. Rest assured we will all attempt to support you as best we can.
reslo
Well-known member
im 23 still living at home. not working and not in school. my mom always tells me there will always be a spot at home for me.
i can relate to having a mom that's willing to do everything... she's always so worried something bad will happen, so has to do it herself. she never wanted her kids to struggle, but kids need to struggle so they can learn to do things on their own!! it's frustrating, for me, i can blame my mom for being too overprotective, but i know that's not reasonable- i'm an adult now and i make my own decisions. One thing i've been slowly realizing is that if you are waiting for someone else to change, you're going to be waiting a loooooooooooooooooong time- it has to be you. And i think you can!
i can relate to having a mom that's willing to do everything... she's always so worried something bad will happen, so has to do it herself. she never wanted her kids to struggle, but kids need to struggle so they can learn to do things on their own!! it's frustrating, for me, i can blame my mom for being too overprotective, but i know that's not reasonable- i'm an adult now and i make my own decisions. One thing i've been slowly realizing is that if you are waiting for someone else to change, you're going to be waiting a loooooooooooooooooong time- it has to be you. And i think you can!thursdays_child
Active member
I am in a similar situation, except I'm a woman and have a husband and I have him do things for me. I'm on SSI for depression, but yeah, basically I do nothing and can't talk to anyone face to face or on the phone. Even online is difficult.
Your first step is to try and be independant. While your mom helps you out, that is nice, but also bad for you as well. You have to start doing for yourself some of the time and hopefully you will be able to do it all for yourself later. I dont know what your background is, but you need to start focusing on YOUR NEEDS. If you are anxious and depressed alot this is a sign you are neglecting your needs or your needs are not being met. Dont worry about Friends and GFs right now. You have to focus on you and get your life in a good position. You have to start accepting yourself and not feeling sorry for yourself and putting yourself down. Your mom should help you become more independant than just reincorcing/encouraging your behavior. Im same age as you so I can relate. Do you have a car or a license? If not, try to get that ASAP. I also suggest reading some self help books like The Happiness Trap and The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Good Luck
Dronee
1
I haven't read those books yet, so can't comment on them personally, but overall, this is sound advice. Focus on building up your confidence and strengths. Even small things like building up your body, maintaining good sleep schedules, quitting bad habits... etc... all of these things add up. Getting a car license, learning new skills. Every little bit helps.
i've made big steps in the last few days. gone in garage with my mom and paid for petrol. i can drive! went to the shops on my own and bought a couple of items. plan to go to the bank tomorrow and pay money in! i actually feel sick as i realise what massive steps i will have to take to get a normal life. i told my mom it was making me ill! she's worried as she says i am trying to run before i can walk. she's told me to calm down and take small steps but i want to go out and do everything at once. i think i need a therapist to help me to cope wirh people one on one. my mother is going to the doctors to discuss getting help for me. i just need to calm down.