Meeting my boyfriend's parents

L

Lils

Member
Hi there,

I've been with my boyfriend (who also has SA) for close to a year. Everything is going well, except a few weeks ago he mentioned his parents have been wondering when they would meet me :eek: I told him I didn't want to. I don't think he cares either way so that went fine.

But since then I've thought about it a couple of times and I'm absolutely terrified. They're a couple of hours away from where I (and my boyfriend) live, so this isn't an immediate problem, but I know I'll have to meet them at some point and I just can't.

I really can't (and don't want to) meet them but I don't want to be rude either...I don't know why I'm fretting over this but I just can't control the angst. I'd rather not be rude to his mum and dad by refusing to meet them for too long. I don't want them to dislike me before we've even met... How long do you think I can put this off?

What do you guys think? Any advice?
 
dragons

dragons

Active member
I've never been in the exact same situation (because I've never been in a relationship, ha) but I understand how difficult it is to meet new people and try to make a good impression. But continuing to put it off might just make things more awkward in the long-run. Why is it that you don't want to meet them? Is it because you're afraid they won't like you? They're probably just excited to meet you, as I'm sure they've heard a lot about you from your boyfriend.
 
L

Lils

Member
Thanks for your feedback!

I don't really know why I'm so terrified, actually. I think part of me is worried they won't like me, but it's not the only issue here. It's just... I can't imagine myself sitting through an awkward dinner with them, all the while not knowing what to say or do, and having to talk about myself :eek:mg:
 
dragons

dragons

Active member
No problem! And yeah, I get what you mean. Awkward dinners are stressful, and I also get super self-conscious when I have to talk about myself. I think they'd understand if you were shy/intimidated though. They'd probably just be happy to meet you and get to know a few things about you.
 
Xervello

Xervello

Well-known member
Lils said:
Hi there,

I've been with my boyfriend (who also has SA) for close to a year. Everything is going well, except a few weeks ago he mentioned his parents have been wondering when they would meet me :eek: I told him I didn't want to. I don't think he cares either way so that went fine.

But since then I've thought about it a couple of times and I'm absolutely terrified. They're a couple of hours away from where I (and my boyfriend) live, so this isn't an immediate problem, but I know I'll have to meet them at some point and I just can't.

I really can't (and don't want to) meet them but I don't want to be rude either...I don't know why I'm fretting over this but I just can't control the angst. I'd rather not be rude to his mum and dad by refusing to meet them for too long. I don't want them to dislike me before we've even met... How long do you think I can put this off?

What do you guys think? Any advice?
Click to expand...


If your boyfriend has SA, maybe his folks are more comfortable around "our" kind than you realize. Has he talked about his SA and his parents much? You never know, they might be reassuring and may even grow comfortable around them after the initial awkwardness. All that said, I get the angst. I have severe SA. Meaning I rarely go out. Having to do anything where I interact with people gives me knots in the stomach. I constantly prepare what it is I'll say, replay how I think people will react, etc. It's stressful, but just one of those things you gotta grin, bear it and get through. And after I've done it, it's a big sigh of relief and I can go back to my comfort zone. Again, maybe his parents will turn out to be cool. Be yourself. It's what brought your boyfriend to you. Hopefully the tree resembles the apple that fell from it, hehe.
 
L

Lils

Member
Xervello : Thanks for your input! I'm not too sure what he has told them (he's not close to his parents and doesn't talk much about them). They know about his SA but I don't know how tolerant they are. They must be used to SA to some extent but he isn't as phobic as I am so I'm not sure how tolerant they would be. Also, I'm not just afraid they might judge my social phobia. It's me as a whole I'm scared they might not like. I'm more scared of his mother, actually. His dad sounds more relaxed...
 
Xervello

Xervello

Well-known member
Lils said:
They know about his SA but I don't know how tolerant they are. They must be used to SA to some extent but he isn't as phobic as I am so I'm not sure how tolerant they would be. Also, I'm not just afraid they might judge my social phobia. It's me as a whole I'm scared they might not like. I'm more scared of his mother, actually. His dad sounds more relaxed...
Click to expand...

Well, from an SA point of view, I get being concerned about what they think of you. But if that's your only worry, I don't know how much it matters really. Just so long as their opinion of you doesn't influence your boyfriend's of you. And if he's not that close with them, I doubt it would. Personally, I'd just get it over with. If you and him last as a couple for a long while eventually you'd have to meet them, right? Just be yourself. The rest is out of your control. It's not fun, and I don't envy you for having to do it, but who knows, it might go well. You don't strike me as having a personality that puts people off. Try to smile through the shyness and hope they pick up on your "you"ness. Apologies for the crappy advice, ha ha, but I've never been in that situation before. Just telling you what I'd do, is all. I wish you luck!
 
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