Me and my depression story

[Boby]

Hy everyone,this is my first time posting here.I'm not going to tell my real name here but you can call me Boby,i'm 22 years old and i'm from Europe.I have a allot of problems and things that i don't like about my life,i could write about it for hours but i will resume to the ones that matters the most to me.Since this forum is named SocialPhobiaWorld is pretty obvious that my biggest problems are about social interaction: i have almost no friends(if i would like to host a party i don't think i will call more than 3 people),my relationship with the opposite sex (forget to say i'm a boy)is almost not existing ....so yeah you guess it 22 year old virgin,never had a girlfriend,kissed a girl when i was like 13 was my first and last time.I've detected that one thing is the source of all my problems and that is I'M A BIG COWARD.I'm really afraid of failure, almost any kind of failure not only social interaction failure.And this makes me really unhappy because the truth is inside me i don't feel like a coward,when i have my mind at ease i'm ready to go trow the fires of Hell to get to something but when i'm faced with the reality my mind just freezes like a Myotonic goat.Until recently i didn't gave to much attention to the problems i have because i tried really hard to distract my self from reality by playing video games almost non-stop,when i was not playing games i was watching TV,when i was not watching TV i was reading books,i was doing everything just to not remember how horrible my life is.But 2 weeks ago i decided i can't go on like this so i stopped playing games( i deleted my digital copies and destroyed my cd's/dvd's),stopped watching TV and reading books.This didn't go well ,since i had nothing to do i started thinking about my life,allot,and i was filled with regret and sadness and in no time i end up in a depression.Now i have problems sleeping(usually at 12:30 PM i was already sleeping, now i stay awake until 4-5 AM and even had nights that i haven't slept at all),in some of those nights i even cried,i lost my appetite(for 3 days i ate only a small pack of crackers),i even had suicide thoughts and at day i don't do anything but thinking about my life which is not good because i'm senior year in my collage and i can't concentrate on my studies(for example yesterday i was planing to read a 300 page course and i only managed to read 30 pages all day).So i'm really down right now,i'm planing to go to a psychologist when i will have time but i'm skeptical about it.So i wanted to ask you guys what do you feel about psychologist treatment,is it worth it?Also i really wanted to speak to somebody about this,so thanks in advance for listening to my rant.And i'm sorry for any grammar mistakes,i'm not a native English speaker.

 

[The Observer]

Hi Boby,

I'm also from Europe, Ireland actually. I used to suffer with SA very bad but i cured myself on my own with no drugs or things on the internet, or taking courses. So I can help you if you want.

You said this, "I'm really afraid of failure" you should not be man. Failure is a very good thing! Think of it for a second, Without failure people would never try again and again, and some of the most brillant minds in this world might not of invented some great inventions if they did not fail at them in the beginning.

Failure is a natural part of learning and it is essentail to how we learn and progress as human beings and as a collective species. Please my freind, Never be afraid to fail it really is OK. In failing we learn from our mistakes and get one step closer to our goal

 

[Boby]

Hi Boby,

I'm also from Europe, Ireland actually. I used to suffer with SA very bad but i cured myself on my own with no drugs or things on the internet, or taking courses. So I can help you if you want.

You said this, "I'm really afraid of failure" you should not be man. Failure is a very good thing! Think of it for a second, Without failure people would never try again and again, and some of the most brillant minds in this world might not of invented some great inventions if they did not fail at them in the beginning.

Failure is a natural part of learning and it is essentail to how we learn and progress as human beings and as a collective species. Please my freind, Never be afraid to fail it really is OK. In failing we learn from our mistakes and get one step closer to our goal

Hi,
Thanks for your support.I do understand want you say,i'm actually a very rational person, but my fears are not rational and this drives me crazy because i don't understand how those fear got into my head and why i can't control them.I think those fears are almost to an instinctual level, it's like trying to put my hand into fire or like arachnophobia when even if you know that spider is completely harmless you would rather not touch it.

 

[The Observer]

It seems that you know that your fear/s are not rational but your afraid to let go of them. Its common, very common as fear is a primal instinct as you rightly said. At one stage I guess it was used to keep us alive and alert in dangerious situations but somehow over time as we devloped as people and formed societies etc its shifted to keeping us alive and alert to keeping us unhappy (trapped in our minds) and from living a healthy life.

You could look at working through this fear and learning to let go of it. It is different for everyone and I dont believe that there is an "easy answer" or a certain amount of steps to be "fear free" I think its a journey you must go on yourself and find out the answers on your own as to why you have them and why you cant let go. I wish you all the best man!

 

[Clown]

psychologist very good, it won't cure you.. but definitly can change the way you think
while under years of anxiety and depression it has become automatic and it feels like ''you''
My therapy is not already started but I start in a few weeks... im also little bit skeptical about it ... but if you tell constant your self there is nothing anxious or depressed about it after a while months/ years you start to believe it more and your body will respond to it making your more relax and in that way change thoughts and you are on your way to recovery... just like you made your self belief to be anxious.
The reason why for some people it wont work and its no cure ... because its hard to reason with the unconscious mind ( the anxiety memory is grained there and you can't earase memory) with conscious logic thoughts

 

[Gaucho]

hi boby. i know how you feel. I'm 19 and I'm there like you more or less. You should give it a shot and going to a therapist is already One big step to improvement, facing your problems and not avoiding them. Good luck with that.