Marriage Not quite what you think!

[alteralterego]

Greetings!

I got a little problem. Infact I dont think many of your have come across this problem.

OK I got many problems. The biggest being Social Anxiety. Ok Had SA all my life and didn't have many friends and never had a girlfriend. by the way I am a guy. I will be turning 29 in two months time. So I am not young. My parents are telling me to get married. They know I am not going to find someone. So they are going to do that on my behalf. I feel so embarrassed by it. OK people asking if I have a girlfriend or asking if I am gay is embarrassing too.

My question is should I go along with it or should I try to find someone myself? Of course the problem with the 2ND option is that I might never find someone. What you you all do if you were in my shoes?

Whole thing is embarrassing the hell out of me. I mean I am even embarrassed to utter the words Arranged Marriage. I mean it sounds so old fasioned. I know in my culture, people did this whole marriage proposal thing But that was in the past. Its now rare. And now I live in a Western country. I suppose it would be Ok if its just an introduction. But I think not. Its your family meet their family kind thing. Its not like in the movie or simpsons. This is not like the girl or boy has been "promised" from a young age. Its bit different. But still. After living in this country for so long. This whole concept seems weird old fashioned and embarrassing to me.

 

[JonnyD]

i'm not in thisstage but probably i'll be getting there if i keep still ..

i know how it can be offensive to someone to ask this kind of thing, i get it a lot, the last time my mother asked me why i didn't ever presented a girlfriend so... It's rought because it's already so lonely , and it's make me think i owe it to them, they.

i don't know anything about culture so forgime if i'm speaking too much.

I don't think a aranged marriage would be good , there's alrady too much people divorcing and messing up with kids life this days, and they made mistakes by they own, a aranged marriage could only make the life of both persons unhappy...

but maybe you could accept to know her, it wont kill and maybe you get some luck and find a nice women , of course i need to make it clear that you won't marry someone just for need.
And it may a nice oportunitty to start overcoming your SA.

But you know, i'm too inexperienced so take you need to dicide wheter its a good or a bad advice

 

[whispering_screams]

:wink:

 

[dottie]

are you even interested in meeting girls? you didn't even really say. all you said is that your parents are trying to arrange marriage for you. are they literally trying to arrange a marriage or are they just trying to set you up on blind dates?

is it part of your culture to have an arranged marriage? are you in america now? i am kind of confused. if it is part of your culture then it isn't such a big deal to have an arranged marriage with someone of the same culture (not that it necessarily agrees with me personally, but hey). but if you are a born and raised american then that isn't part of the culture here and i don't think it will gloss over so well with american females.

don't get married just because people tell you that you are "supposed to be" married. that is a bunch of bullshit. decide who you want to be as an individual. live YOUR life for YOU. not everyone in the world wants to get married. and even if you are in a relationship for a long time, you don't "need" to get married to prove anything to anybody. love is love. a diamond ring and a certificate isn't going to prove that your love is somehow more valid than unmarried couples' love.

also, if you aren't interested in dating females who cares? it's none of anyone else's business. if you are asexual or gay that is fine, too. do what is right for YOU and don't just try to fit the expectations of your parents or you will never be happy.

 

[Angel_Of_Death]

I kinda like the idea of marriage, and would like to one day fall in love and marry a women. But marriage itself, I find so intimidating and I find it impossible to see myself being able to go trough it. Imagine all the pressure for someone who is social phobic, you being the center of attention...WHOA!

Married life not something I'm scared of, I would actually look forward to it and think it could make me happy...but the day I'd have to get married would be the most terrifying experience ever.

 

[sleepysparrow]

I kinda like the idea of marriage, and would like to one day fall in love and marry a women. But marriage itself, I find so intimidating and I find it impossible to see myself being able to go trough it. Imagine all the pressure for someone who is social phobic, you being the center of attention...WHOA!

Married life not something I'm scared of, I would actually look forward to it and think it could make me happy...but the day I'd have to get married would be the most terrifying experience ever.

You could always have a private wedding, and tell everyone later.

 

[dpr]

Greetings!

I got a little problem. Infact I dont think many of your have come across this problem.

OK I got many problems. The biggest being Social Anxiety. Ok Had SA all my life and didn't have many friends and never had a girlfriend. by the way I am a guy. I will be turning 29 in two months time. So I am not young. My parents are telling me to get married. They know I am not going to find someone. So they are going to do that on my behalf. I feel so embarrassed by it. OK people asking if I have a girlfriend or asking if I am gay is embarrassing too.

My question is should I go along with it or should I try to find someone myself? Of course the problem with the 2ND option is that I might never find someone. What you you all do if you were in my shoes?

Whole thing is embarrassing the hell out of me. I mean I am even embarrassed to utter the words Arranged Marriage. I mean it sounds so old fasioned. I know in my culture, people did this whole marriage proposal thing But that was in the past. Its now rare. And now I live in a Western country. I suppose it would be Ok if its just an introduction. But I think not. Its your family meet their family kind thing. Its not like in the movie or simpsons. This is not like the girl or boy has been "promised" from a young age. Its bit different. But still. After living in this country for so long. This whole concept seems weird old fashioned and embarrassing to me.

I don't mean to offend anyone's religion or culture, but I have always thought the arranged marriage thing to be really sick and messed up.

Why would you want to marry a stranger in the hopes that you will "learn to love them," instead of being with someone you really love and genuinely DESIRE to marry?

If I were you, I would let your heart decide and take as long as you need to find someone who is right for you. Life isn't a race. You don't need to be married by a certain age, you know.

I understand you when you say, "But if I don't marry now, I may never find someone." This is true, but I would rather risk it than marry someone who I don't love. If you do, you may miss out on finding the woman of your dreams!

It is no one's business why you don't have a girlfriend or wife. Whoever asks you "Why aren't you married," or "Are you gay?" is just an idiot, and you should tell them that your personal life is none of their business. And frankly, it is none of your parents' business who you marry either. You are a grown man, right? An adult. right? You can make your own decisions. Your parents don't have to live with this woman, YOU DO. It sounds like your parents think you are still their "little boy" who they can tell what to do, but this is not the case. They have no right to force you into anything.

My advice is to let life do its thing. Forget forcing yourself into this. I think someday you will find someone. Then you can introduce her to your parents. If they approve of her, great. If they disapprove, then that's too bad. All that matters is that you are happy, and your parents should respect your choice.

 

[dpr]

Arranged marriages last longer then love marriages apparently. That's always been the argument of arranged marriage advocates like several south asian friends of mine. But I'm opposed to the idea because there's no statistics on how many of these couples end up cheating on each other. I'm sure the statistics would shock you if these couples were being truthfully honest.

Yeah, plus I would be willing to bet that the reason arranged marriages last longer is because the type of people who are willing to enter into an arranged marriage are the type who suppress their feelings anyway. In other words, even if the man or woman were unhappy, they would most likely do nothing about it. No offense intended to anyone, this is just my opinion.

But yeah, it's kind of like saying, "Statistics show that there were less divorces in the 1950s than in the 1990s, therefore people were happier back then." But this is not the case, it's just that people suppressed their feelings more back in the 1950s and divorce was regarded as shameful and taboo back then.