Making (or rather...keeping) friends in college. Help!

[Iseesky]

I'm currently going into my 3rd year in college. I took a semester off, so with summer, it's felt like AGES since I've been in school! My college is small and I commute their everyday. Most people live pretty close, but I don't, unfortunately.

I think I'm pretty good at making friends in college. In college it's a level playing field. Nobody (or very few people at least) has friends with them in class. Everyone is going to different colleges and universities or they're in different classes. That means that everyone is alone...People aren't used to being alone. I am! It doesn't bother me. Though, it makes most people uncomfortable and they're more shy than they normally are. So, because of this I have no trouble approaching people. I don't think you'd think I was the slightest bit anxious if you met me in class. I don't raise my hand or speak in front of the class, but when it comes time to socialize, I'm pretty good at it. ::

The problem is, when it comes time to get to know them better...I struggle. I can talk to them about impersonal things, but I can't ask them to coffee or tell them to add me on facebook. I always feel like maybe they don't even like me much...Maybe I'm being clingy. They probably have their own friends at home. They don't need me. And then once our classes are done for the semester, I never see them again. Occasionally they'll add me on facebook, but then I still can't maintain a friendship with them. I just find every reason why we wouldn't end up being very good friends anyway.

So, the fact that I can make friends easily is just pointless because I can never keep them! I just feel really lonely. I have one friend that I see a lot. I love her and we're good friends. But, both of us want a group of friends that we can go see a movie or go out for dinner with. We're both kind of in the same position.

Maybe that makes sense to some of you who are in the same boat as me? I guess it's an insecurity thing. Feeling like people don't really want to be friends with you. Or not wanting to be friends with people because they'll find out how boring you are! Any advice?

 

[bsammy]

well im somewhat in a similar situation.i can make friends quite easily but due to my deep introverted nature and avoidance/SA i have found that maintaining friendships is almost impossible.even without avoidance/sa i find i rarely want to be around people due to my introversion but i do realize there are times when i need/want to be with people.problem is, i find it very difficult to get to know people on a personal level because im detached and anxious and often disinterested or just depressed.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Well, try to keep in contact with the people that you meet. You seem to think about the what-ifs a lot (something I have a problem with too:. Well, I guess my answer to that would be, "What if it's the opposite?" Just take a deep breath and ask someone out, even if it's nothing but going out to get something to eat. The next time something happens on campus, like a concert, make it your goal to ask someone out. After you work that out a bit, why don't you and your friend make arrangements with all of your friends to meet up one day and hang out?

But, to answer your other question, yes, I do feel that way. However, I don't think you want to hear about that because it would get really depressing::! I'm here to cheer you up and give faith, not drag you down into the abyss!

 

[Iseesky]

Yeah, I guess I could say I tend to be disinterested a lot of the time as well. Some of the time I want to, but I'm anxious...Some of the time I just can't be bothered. :|

Haha, yeah, I really do always think of the what ifs! Good advice, thanks. I actually noticed a girl I had a class with last year and went over and said hello. She seemed happy to see me. Made me feel accomplished.