Lost

[Johnnie]

Today, has been horrible. There is so much not going on in my life, and so much going on in my mind...it's hard to think. I have the hardest time making decisions.

I have got only 1 person I can talk to, well that's not true. My, so called, boyfriend, but when I want to talk or some helpful conversation we ALWAYS end up talking about him. So, I have no-one to turn to for help. I am alone, unemployed, and a mind that can't quiet itself.

I don't know how all this happened. I'm 42, it sucks for me, to be in this shape at this age or any age. My boyfriend of 8 yrs has a boyfriend that he stays with. But I have no-one, so it makes it hard to let go of the only person I know.

Money has now run out. And haven't even begun to look for a job. I have run away from people until I have no-one. And need some-one. I don't know what to do. And am not much about talking about myself, so for me to be here baring my soul....I'm desperate.

Any suggestions?

 

[theblank]

I would suggest calling 1-800-273-8255 (which is a suicide hotline) and just talk to someone about what's troubling you. It's a start.

 

[lithium]

Talk to us, what's on your mind? What seems to be the problem? I'm here to help as much as I can through internet communication. =)

 

[Krista]

Aw, it's going to be ok. This is a great forum to help you along and everyone has either been or is in your situation so everyone here could help you. So you're never really alone dear.

 

[Johnnie]

ugh...what a horrible post I made.

Yesterday, for some reason, was all out of whack. I feel like I should apologize for the above post. Since I have come this far, sharing here, maybe I will share more about me...which I normally don't do.

I'm 42 yr old gay male. My life has been a whacky roller coaster ride. I've always kept 3 to 4 close friends, until I decided to change my life, I stopped drinking. I thought it was a good thing, but then I stopped doing anything and lost interest in life. That was 8 years ago.

My age has never bothered me, until recently. And thinking back at the life I missed has made me pretty upset. And it's hard for me to understand what my future should hold. I want to do what is right in the eyes of God, and being I am what I am, I'm confused. None of this has ever phased me in the past, why now?

I have studied human behavoir. I don't get why I have so much trouble applying what I know.

 

[reslo]

There is so much not going on in my life, and so much going on in my mind...it's hard to think. I have the hardest time making decisions.

I'm the same way! I'm unemployed too- I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I can't seem to focus or get things done. Sometimes it might take me a few hours to apply for a job (whether in person or online) because my mind wanders and I keep putting it off with tv/internet- and I worry alot about what to say. But I figure it's better to get something done slowly and surely than to do absolutely nothing at all.

I commend you on your sobriety! It may seem like life isn't going so well, but you have free time now- so maybe try to do some of the things you've always wanted to do?

It sounds like maybe you let your relationship insulate you from the outside? It's gotta to be hard to be with a person for that long and then have them be with someone else... but you've gotta start doing things for you! and to be your own person.

maybe just start applying for jobs you're interested in? i don't know if that's too forward, but maybe this point in your life can be a fresh start?

you're always welcome to post your thoughts/worries/venting on here!