long distance relationships/meeting partner online

[abc1234]

does any one else think like me?I feel that in real life im never going to be able to have a relationship do to my shyness any one else feel this way.And the other part of my ? is has any one had a long distance relationship or meet someone not to far away from you that turned in to a friendship of some sort.Or even if anyone just wants to write how they met there better half.this is a pretty pointless post i was boried.But id love to hear others thought on the subject or read stories of how you meet your partners. Anyways later and take care!!!!!!

P.S.

figured id add a poll too. Do you think that long distance relastionships work better for people that are socialy akward"dont mean to affend anymore by using this term so if i do sorry in advanced" like myself

 

[SqueakyGibson]

I used to think internet romance would be the only kind I could ever get. But it turns out I've never managed to have an internet romance either, so...

My only social life is online. If I make friends, they are online friends. I am mostly interested in having female friends, and I must admit that I often start to fancy girls who get to know me online.

However, I don't have much faith in online relationships now. There are success stories, of course, but it's usually just impractical. Especially when I am in England and most people on the internet are in America.

You hit this point where, for the relationship to develop in real-life, one of you must emigrate to the other's country. But you know you can't walk away from your entire nationality and way of life and move 5000 miles away, without already knowing what it's like to live with that person. But you haven't lived with them yet. So you hit that awkward impass where you both know your undying love for each other hasn't actually been tested like a real couple's, and when you think about it, it isn't actually serious enough to emigrate for. At that point, why bother?

 

[Kinetik]

Well, it's a bit like taking the easy way out, because I think relationships are great practice for getting over social awkwardness. I never used to know what to do with a girl and how to interact, and having no other point of reference, I found that I couldn't really tell what was "normal" as far as my shyness and anxieties were concerned (too few friends). By getting the guts to go on some dates things really got easier with time. I was able to loosen up, crack a joke, tell a story, and I also learned what to do and where to take her (ie be more in control in a positive way). But more importantly, I challenged myself in trying to get to the point where a person doesn't think "god, what a wierdo" - because it's only then that you can be reasonably successful with the opposite sex. In that way, relationships have really helped me to gauge where I stand and what I need to work on.

Being closely involved with someone forces you into so many situations that you'd otherwise never have to deal with. Compromise, intimacy, "fun" things - it pushes you into the deep end. That kind of thing has helped me a lot. I still have my issues, but now I don't feel the same kind of ineptitude in life in general. The hardest part (by far) was taking the initial step and asking some girls out.

 

[shipost]

Different country or just like 200 miles away? if its not different country it can work, i've seen it work.

 

[maude_lynn]

Especially when I am in England and most people on the internet are in America.

On t'other hand, I bet a lot of 'em find your accent rather attractive. :wink:

As for the question, I'm pretty sceptical when it come to online romance (and romance in general, come to think of it!).

But I suppose stranger things have happened, so who knows?

 

[xkiss_me_nowx]

maybe..

ive had more relationships in real life, rather than the internet lol. ive had around 2.. first one, with a guy phil i met through a game i used to play when i was 11!.. and im 15 now [neally 16 though], and we're still friends.. [hes 18 now]. we first talked when i was like 11 [but at the time i told him i was 15 lol!! but then when i was 12 and a half.. i actually told him the truth, and he was shocked but came round to it and was ok with it lol, then when i was around 13 and a half we finally met up [we'd been talking on the phone loads beforehand.. and webcam and stuff i wouldnt meet anyone unless id talked to them on phone and webcam.. and got to know them well].. and anyway we got together for a while, but then i ended it because i didnt like him that way anymore.. and we're still good friends to this day, we help each other out, and i consider him to be a pretty good friend of mine. he lives in manchester, and im in burnley, so its only like an hour away from me.

the 2nd guy.. i actually had a internet relationship with, i dont talk to anymore.. it took him way to long to actually get round to meeting up with me.. so i didnt bother with it anymore.. i guess i dont really have so much patience!

then their was this girl molly from america i used to talk to all the time, like we would talk everyday.. i wanted to goto new york to see her.. we talked on the phone and stuff.. and well we liked each other.. but then we argued.. over something stupid.. and it wasnt the same after that really.. and eventully we stopped talking as much.. but recently were talking alot more again, and its like old times and she might be coming to the uk for a holiday with her dad.. so were gonna meet up if she does..

and theirs another girl i talk to, ive been talking to her for ages.. and shes coming to see me in april [for definate] we get on really well . shes from netherlands.. and well idk what will happen their.. i think it would be way to far to have a relationship.. but i guess you cant help you like.. but we like each other anyway, and were talkin all the time, and on phone.. and weve got pretty close.. so when she visits me in april ill see what happens i guess... her parents have talked about her coming and stuff and shes allowed.. so i just need to talk to my parents about it..

but yeah i think they can work, if you have the patience, and stuffs. two of my friends, they met on the internet, now they are engaged and have a child together, its really sweet, and they make the best couple .

 

[lifes_to_long]

I've never been in a relationship, on the internet but im curious to know how it would work and how you do it
and is safe like you wouldnt wanna be going out with some pedo.

 

[dazzb]

Hi,

first post on the board..

I've just had a "relationship" finish with someone that I've been in contact with for the past 28 months. We started off just talking as friends, after about 6 weeks she told me she had feelings for me and that I was "special", I'd never had a relationship with anyone in the past despite being almost 40 at the time, it took several days of persuading for me to believe that she was serious. She was the same age but had 23 yrs of experience behind her!

Anyway to keep it shortish, we had a whirlwind time lasting 8 months where we foned, txted, went on messenger for upto 8hrs a days! and webcammed (you know what I mean!) We planned to meet up the following spring as it was difficult she lived 100 miles away, had trouble travelling and was with a BF who she wanted to leave but he was supporting her financially, her BF had problems with PTSD and with drinking.

However when it came to planning the meeting she said no she didnt want to, there was several excuses offered..so I said okay we'll do it another time..then she starts to break regular contact and I'm having to make more of the effort with her..eventually after a long period of silence where I kept contacting her, she admitted her feelings had changed for me. Naturally I was upset, but decided that we'd still stay friends cos I wanted to support her...she hadnt worked for years, had problems with panic attacks and stress etc..

Anyway I spent all year talking to her, somtimes it was fun othertimes hard work and I'd get frustrated and pack in for short periods with her..always coming back though!..I couldnt get her on the computer though for talking like before, even for short chat sessions..however one day I saw her on there and tried talking but she said she was chatting to a mate...however I later found out that this mate was another bloke whom she being talking to for 8 months!, starting probably from about the time her feelings changed for me

Even then I was determined not to give in with her , I thought I'd stick it out and still be mates..however all this year I've been up and down..sometimes talking, sometimes falling out but she had a hold over me and I'd always come back, despite people who I'd told the situation to thinking I was nuts!

She had finally decided to do something constructive and move out, and was on about sharing a flat with a mate..I tried to support her by saying that she could go ahead and do it, she was was strong enough and could handle the problems of getting back into work, I'd be there to encourage her..

Then I hear she's gone to meet some other fella that she must have been talking to as well and they stopped somewhere for 4 days or so..then she tells me he's wanting her to move in with him ..I stop talking to her for a week and half cos I'm pretty pist off after I never got to meet her..then she emails tells me that she as in fact moved to another area of the country and is living with him (which I really didnt want to know)..and she said I'd acted infantile wanting to break off talking to her and by returning some photos that she once sent me..I told her that it was too upsetting for me to talk to her anymore after what had happened..

Anyway after a few weeks I "still" decided to get in touch again and be a mate, even if I could only talk to her occasionally now..she'd asked if she could possibly fone me.

I'd also been friends with someone else at this point for 6 months and she txted and asked if there was any chance of me and this other woman being more than friends, to which I replied said no it wasnt likely...despite her wanting me to! I jokingly said (remove any possiblity of me wanting to pursue her again)..next thing I know she replies says she's changed her mind bout us talking and that she's now living with someone (I know!) and its "best to break off all communications, please dont reply.."

So I was mad about being dragged back to talking again for her to dump me several days later..So I'm afraid I had to give her several hard hitting emails (not for the first time since we've been involved) )telling her what I thought about how she'd been with me, especially as she knew I was so inexperienced and that she just been playing me along all the time,especially with not letting me know what was happening in the background. She knew I still had feelings for her and despite us only being mates I probably wished things could be like before..though I had accepted that she had now found someone new.

I also said I wish I'd never ever heard of her and that she's completly screwed me up now, not sure if I could ever get involved with someone again really...I should have been strong and called it a day 18 months ago when she said her feelings had changed, but I supose when youre desperate you do desperate things, however stupid they are ...all the time, effort and money I've wasted to end up with nothing really..

So even online relationships are hard really, I've had all the pain and none of the gain..apart from a brief 6 month period where I felt for the first time what it must feel like to be wanted

 

[XxXnikkiXxX]

hiya

well.... Ive never really been a believer in internet relationships, dunno i guess im old fashioned, i think if u ment to meet, do by no means of your own, but i guess if you dont get out much how u supposed to?
my friend, her parents split, and both her parents met there partners online, and now both married to thse pertners!!!!! so thats a good story!
and i had a friend, who through no reason, we stopped talking, even tho i liked him more than a friend, back then i had no confidence with men. then, we got back in contact online! he's moved now, but i speak to him everyday, and hes staying with me for abit soon, so the internet can bring you to all sorts of people. even tho, i dont suggest anyone under age 18 does it, its not for 14 year olds, to dangerous, coz internet is a breeding round for crime an all!. just no what ur getting into! x

 

[fallenfeather]

I met my GF online about 8 years ago and I've been dating her for the last 3. She lives in England and I live in Ireland but she flies over 3 weekends out of 4 and we're planning on moving in together soon. It hasn't been without it's problems, let me tell you, but the distance has only been a minor contributor to the problems. Long distance relationships can work sometimes.

 

[Alistair]

My two cents. I've seen it happen to people, if they want to make it work, it will work. For that mentality of "Anything can happen," and it holds true. If you want it hard enough, it will be okay in the end if you both want the same desire in the end. Its just like any relationship, you have to work at it. =)

In other words, I did try a few relationships online, and for me, they are a comfort at first for I can read words better and pick up emotions. A safe mechanism, I suppose. Anyways, it's just all matter of what I said above, if you want it to work, it will.

 

[BlackPuma]

They can be. But they're not by definition easier then any other relationship. The social aspect of it might be easier at first, but eventually there will come a point where you'd want to go do something together. And it's then when it starts to become hard. I've been there quite a lot myself (meaning the situation, not the place). :/

You'd be better of trying to get someone within your direct location that understands your issues, then it would be to try and create a forceful barrier between you and your partner. Because, that safety barrier will only benefit you in the beginning, afterward it'll become a major obstacle.

It also depends on how long the distance is, of course. I was dumb enough to seek my love 2000km away, with no possible way of getting there. If it's like 2-3 hours by car/bus or something, then it's a whole other story, in theory that's doable occasionally.

I couldn't help myself but choosing ''Maybe''. :3