Lonely, 26 and never had a girlfriend

[sitting_by_myself]

Some of these posts make me so sad but at the same time comforted that other people are like me. javascript:emoticon(':wink:')

I’ve never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend and the only sex I’ve seen is on TV. I’m 26 which I guess must make me one of the older members here.

For those of you younger than me, I really hope for you that you won’t experience what I’m going through.

I now live in desperate loneliness. Only in recent months has my loneliness really hit me hard. I don’t have many friends at all and see them rarely. When I do see them though we do get on very well.

My ‘best friend’ actually has a wide social circle of his own so I feel so unworthy that I don’t arrange to meet him often. Why would he meet me when he’s got lots of other people he could see? I guess I am selfish – I like spending time with him but I really want him to invite me to his social gatherings so I can find a girlfriend.

Left to my own devices, I spend all weekends at home by myself. I find myself downloading soppy music wishing what could be.

(My favourite piece right now is “I’ll Stand By You by Girls Aloud” Go check it out on YouTube! I would never admit liking this to anyone else…)

I guess what makes me different from a lot of you guys is that I don’t have a debilitating social paranoia that makes it impossible for me to speak to people.

I am a bit shy and I do struggle with trying to be entertaining but on the whole I think I’m pretty normal. I suppose I’m one of those people who are quite fun to talk to (when I’m trying) but you wouldn’t miss me if I wasn’t there.

I am taking steps to change my position: I've taken exams for qualifications to help me get a better job (I didn't even thank myself for working so hard to pass them) and I'm going to be leaving home (yes, I still live with my parents) for the big City.

I hope it's not going to be another lonely Christmas. javascript:emoticon(':?')

You know what my wish would be: to have a girlfriend and go ice skating with her at Somerset House in London (check it out via Google). Hmmm...I guess I dream too much!

 

[de-vin]

Im younger then you but, I once was shy and lonley...the thing is you have to get your frame of mind into a different shade...basically put it in the "fuck it" shade lol...if your nervous about a girl or what she thinks just say fuck it and just do it...logically if you don't talk to her you'll end up with nothing, if you try and fail you end up with nothing...so at least give it a chance...if you try that it may help...worked with me...goodluck man

 

[Vancouver]

Whoa, whoa whoa. Hold up, yo. Are you telling me that you're unhappy with yourself due to the fact that you don't have a girlfriend, or perhaps more friends? Oh my god. Since when did THAT become the dominant issue? Dude, you're looking at all of this wrong. You're basically saying "If I get more friends, then I'll be able to like myself". But you should look at it the more realistic way "I need to like myself, in order to gain the confidence to meet new people, and even a really hot girlfriend".

See what I'm saying? You've got the puzzle pieces together, they're just all backward. Flip it around, and there's your solution. I believe in you. Do YOU believe in you?

 

[steviegerrard489]

Some of these posts make me so sad but at the same time comforted that other people are like me. javascript:emoticon(':wink:')

I’ve never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend and the only sex I’ve seen is on TV. I’m 26 which I guess must make me one of the older members here.

For those of you younger than me, I really hope for you that you won’t experience what I’m going through.

I now live in desperate loneliness. Only in recent months has my loneliness really hit me hard. I don’t have many friends at all and see them rarely. When I do see them though we do get on very well.

My ‘best friend’ actually has a wide social circle of his own so I feel so unworthy that I don’t arrange to meet him often. Why would he meet me when he’s got lots of other people he could see? I guess I am selfish – I like spending time with him but I really want him to invite me to his social gatherings so I can find a girlfriend.

Left to my own devices, I spend all weekends at home by myself. I find myself downloading soppy music wishing what could be.

(My favourite piece right now is “I’ll Stand By You by Girls Aloud” Go check it out on YouTube! I would never admit liking this to anyone else…)

I guess what makes me different from a lot of you guys is that I don’t have a debilitating social paranoia that makes it impossible for me to speak to people.

I am a bit shy and I do struggle with trying to be entertaining but on the whole I think I’m pretty normal. I suppose I’m one of those people who are quite fun to talk to (when I’m trying) but you wouldn’t miss me if I wasn’t there.

I am taking steps to change my position: I've taken exams for qualifications to help me get a better job (I didn't even thank myself for working so hard to pass them) and I'm going to be leaving home (yes, I still live with my parents) for the big City.

I hope it's not going to be another lonely Christmas. javascript:emoticon(':?')

You know what my wish would be: to have a girlfriend and go ice skating with her at Somerset House in London (check it out via Google). Hmmm...I guess I dream too much!

Nope, not the oldest - I'm 28 and it wasn't until I was 22 until I kissed a girl and not until 26 until I had sex and also what could be deemed 'a bona fide' girlfriend....that only lasted a month. :?

I'm discovering now that a lot of it comes down to balls! It really does. I watch the guys who get the girls. They may not be as physically attractive as me (I've been told I'm well above average in looks), but they are prepared to go the extra mile...touch girls, hug them...build up some rapport. And smiling can go a long way too - it makes you more approachable.

Also, stick to some golden rules:
- stay in good shape and join a gym if necessary
- get a decent haircut if you don't already have one
- wear clothes like the guys who get the girls

I have stuck to these rules for many years now (about 9) my problem is I can't act on women's interest. Hence years of missed opportunities. It's funny but sometimes when I go out with coworkers and the like, they all automatically assume I've had many girlfriends in the past!! E.g they might say something to me like: "Have you ever gone out with a girl like..."

Getting a new job is a positive step and so too is leaving home. Maybe you could join a flat share somewhere and make some friends that way. Try to find one with people a similar age and a mixture of guys/girls.

 

[sitting_by_myself]

de-vin: I know exactly what you mean. If I look back at my encounters with women (hmmm...that didn't take long) I never did try to tell them how I felt. Thanks a lot for the support. Really appreciate it.

Vancouver: you're right. It makes sense what you're saying! I guess I was always pretty rubbish at puzzles. I DO sometimes believe in myself but that normally is quickly replaced by negative worthless feelings. Thanks a lot for believing in me - it means a lot.

 

[sitting_by_myself]

wow steviegerrard, I can't believe that you're well above average in looks and still need to be hanging around here! It just shows how a lot of this stuff does come down to confidence, or balls.

Something which I am sadly lacking (OK, well I've just got 2 of them).

It's right what you say about appearance; it does have a confidence booster impact. I used to get my hair butchered at the barbers. Recently I've been going to Toni and Guy and I do feel better. I'm lucky that I'm also in good shape (good genetics and I like sports) - a very pretty girl told me 'I have a good body' recently. I think that was about the first time I've ever been complemented in my life by a female.

What makes me extra sad sometimes is people assuming I should have had a girlfriend. My mum told me (about a year ago) that her friend was very surprised why I didn't have a girlfriend. I can't believe it either. And I've had long enough to get used to the idea!

Hope things have been working out for you and thanks for your simple, but very true, advice.

 

[Atomic_Ritual]

Whoa, whoa whoa. Hold up, yo. Are you telling me that you're unhappy with yourself due to the fact that you don't have a girlfriend, or perhaps more friends? Oh my god. Since when did THAT become the dominant issue? Dude, you're looking at all of this wrong. You're basically saying "If I get more friends, then I'll be able to like myself". But you should look at it the more realistic way "I need to like myself, in order to gain the confidence to meet new people, and even a really hot girlfriend".

See what I'm saying? You've got the puzzle pieces together, they're just all backward. Flip it around, and there's your solution. I believe in you. Do YOU believe in you?

Wow, that sounds like something I've been needing to hear for a LONG time.

 

[recluse]

Whoa, whoa whoa. Hold up, yo. Are you telling me that you're unhappy with yourself due to the fact that you don't have a girlfriend, or perhaps more friends? Oh my god. Since when did THAT become the dominant issue? Dude, you're looking at all of this wrong. You're basically saying "If I get more friends, then I'll be able to like myself". But you should look at it the more realistic way "I need to like myself, in order to gain the confidence to meet new people, and even a really hot girlfriend".

See what I'm saying? You've got the puzzle pieces together, they're just all backward. Flip it around, and there's your solution. I believe in you. Do YOU believe in you?

That's true. Too many people need other people in their lives to gain approval. My sister is a good example in that she's never been single for more than a month, and she keeps ending up with losers because she craves being in relationships just to feel good.

 

[Abalone]

I'm 30 and never even have kissed a woman; does that mean I win the contest?

It's sad, because I used to consider myself a feminist, but in the past couple of years I have become mired in resentment of women for not being able to appreciate me.

I don't lack self-esteem; my crisis of confidence is with others' ability to understand/appreciate me. You can like yourself all you want, but if others dislike you or aren't interested in you, what can you do?

 

[Manta]

I'm 30 and never even have kissed a woman; does that mean I win the contest?

It's sad, because I used to consider myself a feminist, but in the past couple of years I have become mired in resentment of women for not being able to appreciate me.

I don't lack self-esteem; my crisis of confidence is with others' ability to understand/appreciate me. You can like yourself all you want, but if others dislike you or aren't interested in you, what can you do?

You are not old, you just have to work more on attracting girls, that means to look better (go to the gym, buy better clothes, etc), and to be more interesting to women, try to do what other men that get women do, and of course never blame the women if they don`t appreciate you, is always your fault but don`t care about it, you have to analyze what you did wrong and the next time do it right.

 

[Abalone]

You are not old, you just have to work more on attracting girls, that means to look better (go to the gym, buy better clothes, etc), and to be more interesting to women, try to do what other men that get women do, and of course never blame the women if they don`t appreciate you, is always your fault but don`t care about it, you have to analyze what you did wrong and the next time do it right.

How do I analyze what is "wrong" or "right" about my behavior? I can't read women's minds, so I have no standard to judge it against. Plus, that makes me extremely unhappy if I have to abandon my true self and conform to "what women want" in order to be in a relationship. I make no such behavioral demands on women I'm interested in.

Is romance just another mechanism of homogenizing social control?

 

[blackomen]

www.sosuave.net

That might get you started. Sorry, I don't have any specific tips as I'm currently working on this as well.

 

[deathwishone]

 

[spectator]

Is romance just another mechanism of homogenizing social control?

Wow. It's like you're my double. I think I've asked that question down to verbatim.

 

[Abalone]

Abalone - I am 32 year old woman, (who has never slept with a man so maybe you could help me out with what men want).

I don't think that you should have to abandon your true self and conform to "what women want" in order to be in a relationship. All I want in a relationship is someone who likes me. I don't want a man to pay for me or entertain me. There isn't one single thing that women want - most normal women (not the ones that worship 'Cosmo' and live by 'the Rules') just want a partner that is kind and considerate. Appearance is a secondary consideration for me. If a man makes a bit of an effort to look nice, wears clean clothes, combs his hair stuff like that then that is good but being a nice person and making her feel as if you are interested is a great way to start. Women aren't a different species (we just appear to be sometimes)

I'm a rather atypical man, so I don't know how much of a help I can be with "what men want". A lot of my fellow men, it seems, would want their women to be more feminine and submissive than I do. Maybe some of them could be "enlightened" into broadening their horizons, I don't know.

But thanks, what you say about women and their standards is comforting to me-- I could certainly fulfill those standards without compromising myself.

 

[Abalone]

I should add, if I'm already in a relationship with a woman and she asked me to enact a fantasy like, "It would make me really hot if you dressed up like a fireman", I wouldn't find that too difficult.

 

[deathwishone]

 

[SilentType]

FLAAAVAAA FLAAAAVE!



Peace

 

[stoneyfaced]

Hi new here. And Im wondering where are the women?

I think every answer has been by men. Are there loads of guys in here compared to women?

I'm also lonely and 26, I know im good looking but my self esteem is in tatters. I believe that it is inherited, but I can overcome it. I'm going crazy.

 

[Patrick26]

Some of these posts make me so sad but at the same time comforted that other people are like me. javascript:emoticon(':wink:')

I’ve never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend and the only sex I’ve seen is on TV. I’m 26 which I guess must make me one of the older members here.

For those of you younger than me, I really hope for you that you won’t experience what I’m going through.

I now live in desperate loneliness. Only in recent months has my loneliness really hit me hard. I don’t have many friends at all and see them rarely. When I do see them though we do get on very well.

My ‘best friend’ actually has a wide social circle of his own so I feel so unworthy that I don’t arrange to meet him often. Why would he meet me when he’s got lots of other people he could see? I guess I am selfish – I like spending time with him but I really want him to invite me to his social gatherings so I can find a girlfriend.

Left to my own devices, I spend all weekends at home by myself. I find myself downloading soppy music wishing what could be.

(My favourite piece right now is “I’ll Stand By You by Girls Aloud” Go check it out on YouTube! I would never admit liking this to anyone else…)

I guess what makes me different from a lot of you guys is that I don’t have a debilitating social paranoia that makes it impossible for me to speak to people.

I am a bit shy and I do struggle with trying to be entertaining but on the whole I think I’m pretty normal. I suppose I’m one of those people who are quite fun to talk to (when I’m trying) but you wouldn’t miss me if I wasn’t there.

I am taking steps to change my position: I've taken exams for qualifications to help me get a better job (I didn't even thank myself for working so hard to pass them) and I'm going to be leaving home (yes, I still live with my parents) for the big City.

I hope it's not going to be another lonely Christmas. javascript:emoticon(':?')

You know what my wish would be: to have a girlfriend and go ice skating with her at Somerset House in London (check it out via Google). Hmmm...I guess I dream too much!

I know this is 4 year old thread but i was searching around the net for a long while and you sound EXACTLY like me. I'm 26 aswell...but i also struggle from other things in life that i just don't want to face. An abusive mother who took off for 10 years and is to this very day stalking me because i ignored her, my sister is turning into her aswell...i still live at home and i am about to blow up because i feel smothered and living here is holding me down (although it's not..it's me holding myself down), i have no future because my learning disability and not wanting to improve myself just looking at how much i'll have to go. I have 1 friend but we only hang out when he's not busy. But in the past we could make plans a week in advance and the last second tell me no cuz his friends are coming over. :/ I also had this guy i was friends with at my old job...he was average looking (he said i am not bad looking....rofl, and that he's bad looking) and he had ALLLLLLLLL the hot girls he could do with. When he moved away he put his hot friends on webcam on MSN for me and they would start taking their shirts off....anyway we made plans for a year to meet, a whole year... he comes over a year later for a few days and he keeps saying we are gonna meet but we don't....i was so depressed after all that time and thinking he was my friend, this was back when i was 18 so i blocked and deleted him from MSN and never talked to him again. I'm kinda kicking myself over that but w/e ****s done,i was young...

Anyway i'm trying my best to change my life..it's HARD! i put my picture up on dating sites and after that i was depressed for DAYS! i could not go outside without feeling like everyone was staring and laughing at me for putting my picture up there, and i find myself FUGLY!

Imageshack - me4c.jpg
Imageshack - picture1dt.jpg

I even had a webcam girl on one of the dating sites tell me for an HOUR how ugly i am, i've even been told it's not surprising i have been single all these years, no girl would ever want me. The only time i ever get told i'm not ugly is if they are trying to make me feel better. But anyway i'm trying to change that as best as i can. Working out at the gym the past 3 months, i'm gonna try getting a tan after aswell. I have social phobia. My neighbours invited me over to their place for the Easter Egg Hunt at their place but i didn't wanna go...i did but it was all family there and i didn't wanna intrude but i really did not wanna go because my social phobia. I found this really good place i'm going to try learning to talk to girls.

YouTube - How To Approach Women Without Fear In Public Places

I used to be suicidal, i still think about doing it now...i don't cut my wrists though.Councellors never helped. 4 days ago i broke down and i cried for 14 hours (yes 14...since the morning).....i missed my gym day, i liteally could not leave my room, even at gun point. I've asked women out before (2), both rejected, and had many many MANY other chances but my social phobia kicked in every time. Just 2 days ago 2 hotties were checking me out in their car as i was walking by...once again my phobia kicked in. I can't eat at places with big crowds because i feel like everyone is watching me and i all of a sudden cant eat properly. I was also dropped on my head as a baby down a big flight of stairs. I also admit this to people IRL, i just can't help being open to everyone. Even if it makes me look like an idiot....I just wish i was normal...