Yup, I've tried to live life these last couple of days... have given it my "darnest" and it's still not enough. The harder I try, the harder it is on me apparently. I give up, I'm just going to accept myself as I am... I can be happy not being happy, right? 
(rhetorical question)
It's just unfair how for some people being calm/themselves is soooooo easy, yet for us it's the most difficult thing we can't do... And that's all that's missing from our lifes - a calm mental state... when you stop focusing on the actions and effects of anxiety, you pay more attention to all the things around you - the people, their actions, the smells, the tastes, and even orgasms. If only we could be calm, our lifes would be better. But no, there's thing thing called "****ed up brain chemistry" that just wont allow it apparently (or something that's responsible for that) no matter how well we know that our fears are imaginary, how much we strive to better our financial/relationship/spiritual situations. My brain is so ****ed up that I can't even get high off weed lol (just tried it a few hours ago)... actually, I can, but I"m already high on prozac, so I feel no different.
The sad thing is, that even with prozac (apparently the same high that p ah, **** it - I'll just stop here, I'm boring myself.
Anyway, life sucks, I'm a loser, I have no friends, no girlfriend, no confidence... but I feel comfortable here with awesome people who share and can understand my difficulties and comfort me... so I'll "stay here" Good to see you all again
(rhetorical question) It's just unfair how for some people being calm/themselves is soooooo easy, yet for us it's the most difficult thing we can't do... And that's all that's missing from our lifes - a calm mental state... when you stop focusing on the actions and effects of anxiety, you pay more attention to all the things around you - the people, their actions, the smells, the tastes, and even orgasms. If only we could be calm, our lifes would be better. But no, there's thing thing called "****ed up brain chemistry" that just wont allow it apparently (or something that's responsible for that) no matter how well we know that our fears are imaginary, how much we strive to better our financial/relationship/spiritual situations. My brain is so ****ed up that I can't even get high off weed lol (just tried it a few hours ago)... actually, I can, but I"m already high on prozac, so I feel no different.
The sad thing is, that even with prozac (apparently the same high that p ah, **** it - I'll just stop here, I'm boring myself.
Anyway, life sucks, I'm a loser, I have no friends, no girlfriend, no confidence... but I feel comfortable here with awesome people who share and can understand my difficulties and comfort me... so I'll "stay here"
Good to see you all again 
