Last year was great, but I'm still not happy

[Nacho]

A human being with social anxiety, sitting and kind of enjoying life. Can you imagine!? Well, that's me I'm talking about. A year ago I was down, depressed with my (social) life. Doing nothing almost every weekend! But things have changed since then. In fact, the entire year of 2011 was my personally best, but there's still one thing that bothers me. I will write what later.

Let me start out. A year ago I would be with one of my long-term friends or two in the weekends. Playing Xbox or whatever. So basically if they didn't have time I would just be sitting home at my parents house, where I lived, doing nothing. I felt pathetic, because this was my life for many, many years. I had no social life at all due to social phobia. Anyway, in the summer I got my first appartment with a very good location downtown. The appartment turned out to be my key! With that I have held so many "hangouts" with my friends, and my group of friends moved from 3 to almost 10 now. Almost every week at least once we are more than 5-6 people sitting, chillin' and so on. And these people are great to hang out with! We are like bros. I'm so happy they want to hang out at my place, with ME!

So, what's the problem? There's no big problem, but I keep thinking about having a girlfriend. My friends talk about girls a lot, and I hate to be sitting there hearing them when I can't do jack about it. I'm always afraid that they will ask me about (my) girls. This might not be a big issue, but I keep getting really depressed thinking about my single-life. I am a male, 25 years old - never had a girlfriend! Can you feel me? I just don't feel happy.

When I said 2011 was a good year, I meant it! That year I had my first date ever, and three in total. Unfortunately they didn't led to anything in the end. Also, I am cursed with a job where there are no girls at my age. I do go to parties when I'm invited, but that's not often - well at least I don't decline an invitation (I have been to a handful of parties last year, which is a ground-breaking-record for me!). I tried netdating for 8 months - I had some very good chats, but it only resulted in one real date. I have now cancelled my subscription there - I am tired of it. I want to try something new, but what???

PS. I'm really appreciating the good things in my life. So many good things has happend recently and may you all experience the same!

 

[Kinetik]

It sounds like you're on a great track and I see no reason to look back or doubt yourself. I think you were right to cancel your internet dating account. Those sites can sometimes be helpful but they can also be a colossal waste of time if they're not working for you - and fortunately you saw that early enough to quit.

What I would try is going to more parties or nights out on the weekends with your friends. Get a few drinks in you, and just go out and talk to girls. From there, who knows what will happen - you might get some weird looks, you might have a nice conversation, you might get a kiss. If you're drunk anyway, who cares whether it goes well or not? The point is that you will get some results mixed in with some awkwardness and fun stories to tell afterwards. That's how I started out in my teens. It's not ideal, but it can be a lot of fun and it does give you some inroads to help to boost your confidence a little.

I think it will help tremendously if you do this for a while and have a taste of various things before you think about a relationship. I'm a firm believer in sowing your wild oats (as safely as possible) so that it's all out of your system. Just try to be responsible with it.

 

[mart22n]

Try talking with chicks in mall lines, bus stops, even on public transport. I've had success with it . Bottom line is, you gotta talk to people even outside of your immediate circle.

 

[Nacho]

Thanks for your replies. I will most definetly go out on every chance that I get. It wont happen often though, but if I'm asked I will go. Talking to girls in mall lines and on bus stops? Wow, for me that is raising the bar very high :b

I think you are right when you say I should go out and experience things before thinking too much about a relationship. I guess I'm not that patient because of my status. I'm 25, and have litterally been very naive all my life by thinking "you will some day meet girls and stuff". It's just not happening as for now