Keeping Friends

[Septor]

Does anyone else have this problem of not being able to keep friends.I have always had a very very hard time making friends with people in the first place because social phobia and I have always been like that but sometime I actually do make some.The problem is it always goes sour.It beats me and wonder why even bother trying to make friends.

After talking to me for little bit they always cut contact with me somehow.They block me on messenger,wont answer me messages,just plain avoid me hoping I will go away if they do it long enough,cut all contact with me or claim they're to busy doing other stuff.Yet they are on 10 hours a day 7 days a week 31 days of the month and yet they can't find 10 minute to talk to me but they found time for everyone else.Then when and if I do make contact with some of them and ask them if they do have a problem with me or do they still want to be friends,some of them act like nothing wrong and they still want to be friends with me but they still avoid me.

I really don't know what im doing wrong.None them seem incline to tell me.It's like this big secret and i'm the only one that does not know.Some time I think me irrational thoughts aren't so irrational.That there is something not well defined but wrong with me that people sense that tells them to stay away from me.It could be because I could never get friendship past the superficial stage.I just don't know why it happen time after time.
Its really saddening though.

I was just wonder if someone has gone through the same thing I have or maybe could shed some light on my problem.Thank you for reading this.

 

[Falcon]

Hey! The same thing happenes to me IRL. On rare occasions I will get an invitation with the guys to go out for lunch at work or go to a movie after work or something. But I don't really think they like me, since they don't ask again usually.

I think our problem is that we aren't interesting company. They don't find it fun to be around us, I guess.

 

[bashfulgirl]

I have the same experience. I have a few friends that seem to stick with me despite my SA and depression. I always feel like they are going to give up on me. But mostly I feel like people avoid me or get nervous around me because I'm so quiet. I look at other people and marvel at how easy making and keeping friends seems to be for them and I wish I had that talent.
Hang in there. There are some people with character out there who don't care that you don't have much to say

 

[amyne]

I have this problem as well.

One my friends (one of the few) is extremely outgoing. She can talk for hours on end and has no problem whatsoever with talking to strangers, making phone calls, going to social events, basically the total opposite of me.

She isn't bothered by the fact that I don't talk much, call or want to go out places, like normal friends do. She told me I’m good listener who gives good advice and can see a lot about people and situations that she tends to overlook.

Other than her, forget it. Most people get irritated that I never call or want to go out places. I guess they just decide that I'm not worth their time.

And frankly, I don't blame them.

 

[Peacefinder]

You know, I think a lot of people put up this wall of security. Not just people with SA. It's hard to find someone who is honest and not afraid to share who they really are around others.

I think we forget that everyone has insecurities and imperfections that they are trying to hide and they try to be what others want them to be so they become superficial to a point.

So don't be so hard on yourself. Be the real you and people need to accept you, don't change unless its for your own personal good.

 

[lawyerguy]

I know what you feel septor. I've lost quite a wonderful friend. its worse feeling when its your fault.

 

[weedle]

Off the subject a bit...LAWYERGUY...Just curious ...Is it real hard to be a lawyer with sa? That is one career I would have loved to have but would never or could never because of sa.

 

[jamez]

I also have trouble maintaining friends.
I don't like getting close to people too much, maybe if I thought they knew the real me they wouldn't like me so much.
But I like holding cards up my sleeve as well if you know what I mean. That way I can surprise even close friends/relatives who think they've got me down.

 

[lawyerguy]

Hi weedle,

For me being in court isn't like real life. Its more of an artifical situation. you're not being judged for anything but your persuasive, debating ability. In court you have a chance to prepare what you're going to say. in real life you have to make things up as you go. I'm pretty good at the former not the latter But any other social situation and I'm totally awkward and horrible. I run out of things to say. I don't know. Its weird. Its kind of like being a shy actor really. But if you want to be a lawyer I say go for it. I'm a super shy person by nature and I manage. You shouldn't let these things get in your way.

 

[Alejandro]

Hello

I'm new to this site. Every since I remember I have been a quiet reserved person who hardly has any friends.

I hanged around a small group of people at uni (usually observed them only) but hardly have any contact outside of uni. I don't iniciate contact, on the rare occasion they do.

I say, why bother, I won't know what to say after hello. I have now reached the stage where I am angry with myself. I laugh at people whose heart comes out of their body from the sight of a spider but I can;t understand why I am this way.

 

[Waybuloo]

I also have trouble maintaining friends.
I don't like getting close to people too much, maybe if I thought they knew the real me they wouldn't like me so much.
But I like holding cards up my sleeve as well if you know what I mean. That way I can surprise even close friends/relatives who think they've got me down.

hey james,
what kinda cards do u hold, i'm intrigued and hungry for knowledge