Keeping conversations alive

[extend]

Hi guys,

I'm so happy I found this forum. For many years, I thought that it was just me but listening to everyones' stories here gives me a sense of comfort and relief. Anyways, I'm 21 and have been suffering from SA for probably the past 10 years. My SA has gradually improved to the point where I can now introduce myself to strangers fairly well. My issue is with how to keep the conversations going. For example, if I meet someone new, I start with the general convo topics like the weather, something we both have in common (like if we're in the same class at school). But after a while, it seems like we run out of things to talk about. This is the awkward point in the convo where either the other person leaves or we break apart. I'd appreciate if anyone could post tips on how to keep the convo going. Obviously there's no silver bullet since every convo and person is different, but any general advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[bitingthepea]

hey im in exactly the same situation
I kinda find it easier to talk to guys than girls for some reason, well depending on the girl. Um probably listening and just saying yes and nodding makes th person belive your genuinely listening, and also smiling. Im not a big talker and its taken me ages to actually develop my convserations but its slowly working i guess

 

[zharl]

Hmm...well, my solution to awkward silence is making fun of it. This may not be the best method, but I tend to point it out...erm...actually maybe this isn't the best way to go...er...yeah. I've noticed that I tend to say "cookies" when I run out of things to say, but I wouldn't recommend doing that either. I guess conversations seem to come more naturally when you learn to let yourself go...now if only I could learn to do that. -_-

 

[Rodox]

Well I am not the best person to give this kind of advice,so take with a grain of salt,one way in my opinion is that most people like to talk about themself,not all of them of course,so sometimes you ask them something or to elaborate more,but dont make it seem like you are interviewing them,but its my opinion as I said I am not the best person to give this kind of advice.....

 

[lookyloo]

I think everyone is different, you'll run into people where the conversation just can't stop, but I would say that conversation with most people will probably dry out pretty quick... We're all different, we can't all like and talk about the same thing.

 

[Shattered.Life]

Hmm...well, my solution to awkward silence is making fun of it. This may not be the best method, but I tend to point it out...erm...actually maybe this isn't the best way to go...er...yeah. I've noticed that I tend to say "cookies" when I run out of things to say, but I wouldn't recommend doing that either. I guess conversations seem to come more naturally when you learn to let yourself go...now if only I could learn to do that. -_-

lol xD! ...

Whenever I'm stuck in an awkward silence with someone, actually, I just look around pretend that nothing happened. I don't get restless though, I did before, but now I'm like totally used to it... :\

 

[zharl]

lol xD! ...

Whenever I'm stuck in an awkward silence with someone, actually, I just look around pretend that nothing happened. I don't get restless though, I did before, but now I'm like totally used to it... :\

HAHAHAHA!!!!! I thrive in awkwardness!

 

[antipop621]

I also use awkward silence as a opportunity for humor.

One line I often use following a period of awkward silence is "I think I'm a lesbian". It breaks the silence well and it usually makes people laugh since I'm a male.

 

[Joanne Bruce]

Hi, new here, I am 44 and I have social phobia and obsessive thoughts. All of this makes me want to stay away from people.

 

[zofia-life-coach]

The only way to get out of it is to accept it when you feel awkward and not feeling guilty. xz

 

[CeeJay1981]

First of all, don't think that this is a strange phenomenon. It's EPIDEMIC in our culture and EVERYONE experiences this kind of thing all the time.

First off, realize that you are not wholly responsible if the conv breaks down. Never beat yourself up afterwards if you don't have a perfect conv.

The best thing you can do is to try and step into the other person's shoes and ask questions about what is relavent to them. For example, if you wanna start a conv with the postman ask him/her how much longer they have to go until they are finished for the day. Then ask what it's like to do their job. If they are receptive and seem like they are enjoying the conv then you can say something about yourself - "yeah, I was gonna be a postie but I can't get myself outta bed in the mornings"

As always, place your attention on the other person and let them do the work. Just make sure they are comfortable with it of course.

Good luck

Chris

 

[Reiji Moritsugu]

I´ve been looking, almost desperately, for a way to keep conversations alive.

Since everytime I try to make an effort, my mind just goes blank as if it had decided to run away as fast as possible before seeing how badly I am going to fail. I have even tried approaches such as asking others questions about themselves, but I seem to get two - three word answers at most so I´m starting to conclude that most people just don´t want to talk to me for...I just don´t know the reason.

So if anybody manages to find anything that works for about - to - give - up cases it would be the best thing ever since sliced bread. See you around

 

[cookie cutter]

Hmm...well, my solution to awkward silence is making fun of it. This may not be the best method, but I tend to point it out...erm...actually maybe this isn't the best way to go...er...yeah. I've noticed that I tend to say "cookies" when I run out of things to say, but I wouldn't recommend doing that either. I guess conversations seem to come more naturally when you learn to let yourself go...now if only I could learn to do that. -_-

lol I do that too. Making fun of the silence, and talking about cookies. Trouble with pointing it out is that it makes me feel like a clown and then I feel the pressure to continue performing ...