keep trying, but not expecting!

[lily]

Hey all social anxiety sufferer's, this is a no shame thread- that is, you don't have to be ashamed if you still have social anxiety/phobia. This is a comfort thread as for me, I still have social anxiety/phobia for a long time now, it has gotten better but I still have it, from better eye contact to severe eye contact anxiety/phobia. I'm just not calm enough so many times when having to do eye contact, but with certain people it is better. I feel ashamed that this seems like it can be a lifetime problem though I will keep you updated. I'm not saying not to try, I have tried almost everything and told all my stories but I'm just saying don't expect that you'll be cured because the truth is this can be genetic and there can be no cure, but there still can be improvement and even if you haven't improved, don't be ashamed, it's not your fault but keep enjoying the things you can enjoy. The only thing I haven't tried is after I get off my medications I will be trying herbal medicine like an adaptogen and calming teas that don't hurt your body and that can probably get me to be calm enough to do eye contact with everybody.

 

[lily]

right now, if I don't look, etc with the times I have eye contact anxiety from social anxiety then my anxiety goes down and back to normal, but I'm going to try to get better.

 

[lily]

there are other things I'm happy about myself though right now, I cook at times, do all the dishes, laundry, exercise at home and go for walks on the weekend with family. I enjoy being with family and I like my online friend or acquaintances also. I like every time one of my medications makes me feel a lack of motivation and I push myself which I don't like to do but that's what I have to do now as I withdraw which will take 2 yrs. I also feel embarassed to keep coming to this site so even if I continue to have social anxiety I won't be coming here anymore in a few years later.

 

[Umbertina2]

@lily Thank you for sharing this. I find comfort in your thoughts. When I started in therapy back in the day, I thought naively that I would be in treatment for x number of months, and then I would be over it. Fortunately, my therapist has been very honest with me about what to expect. She told me early on that I would have to deal with anxiety for the rest of my life. That I will be able to have better periods, but that it will never go completely away. And so far, three years into dealing with it with focus, it's true. I do well enough right now that I don't have to go to therapy, but I still deal with it all the time. My therapist taught me to think of it as exercise. If I don't exercise, my body becomes unhealthy. In the same manner, if I don't work on my mind, it will become unhealthy again. It feels so unfair and frustrating. Sometimes it makes me angry at other people who don't have any mental health issues. But then I read a post like yours, and I'm reminded that I'm not alone on this journey. I admire your bravery for stating it as you do. It needs to be said and repeated. Don't stop trying, but stop expecting it to go away. Rejoice in the changes that are possible. Celebrate all the wins. Celebrate the days when we're able to push ourselves to deal with it in a healthy way. Don't be embarrassed at all; you're an inspiration. We need to hear from the people who keep trying

 

[lily]

aw, @Umbertina2, I'm so happy to hear your encouragement. it encourages me when people reply with a thanks and it's always nice when people show appreciation to you and you don't feel like you're alone or talking to yourself. I'm glad you have better times but I know there are some people who probably haven't improved at all and that's okay, but it's just that you never know if you stumble into something that will work for your social anxiety so never stop trying. it was brave of me to post this 'cause as being in the category of the one who still deals with social anxiety that can be severe and not the ones who had overcome their social anxiety, I felt like a loser and no one will want to reply to my post and I felt ashamed and embarassed but when you replied, I felt better. Thank you so much for your thoughts.

 

[hoddesdon]

Hey all social anxiety sufferer's, this is a no shame thread- that is, you don't have to be ashamed if you still have social anxiety/phobia. This is a comfort thread as for me, I still have social anxiety/phobia for a long time now, it has gotten better but I still have it, from better eye contact to severe eye contact anxiety/phobia. I'm just not calm enough so many times when having to do eye contact, but with certain people it is better. I feel ashamed that this seems like it can be a lifetime problem though I will keep you updated. I'm not saying not to try, I have tried almost everything and told all my stories but I'm just saying don't expect that you'll be cured because the truth is this can be genetic and there can be no cure, but there still can be improvement and even if you haven't improved, don't be ashamed, it's not your fault but keep enjoying the things you can enjoy. The only thing I haven't tried is after I get off my medications I will be trying herbal medicine like an adaptogen and calming teas that don't hurt your body and that can probably get me to be calm enough to do eye contact with everybody.

Perhaps I might be permitted to indulge in a bit of self-promotion:

There is no need to be ashamed

There have been a number of comments along the lines of "I am ashamed that I have social phobia". That is unjustified. What are the causes? Well, broadly, they are: . genetics . shortage of neurotransmitters dopamine and seratonin in the brain . family history . personality...

socialphobiaworld.com

 

[lily]

Yes I think I have a shortage of the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin but that doesn't mean that an adaptogen and nervine tonic and relaxant won't help or won't make a difference. Thanks for that hoddesdon.

 

[BlueDays]

@lily Thank you for sharing this. I find comfort in your thoughts. When I started in therapy back in the day, I thought naively that I would be in treatment for x number of months, and then I would be over it. Fortunately, my therapist has been very honest with me about what to expect. She told me early on that I would have to deal with anxiety for the rest of my life. That I will be able to have better periods, but that it will never go completely away. And so far, three years into dealing with it with focus, it's true. I do well enough right now that I don't have to go to therapy, but I still deal with it all the time. My therapist taught me to think of it as exercise. If I don't exercise, my body becomes unhealthy. In the same manner, if I don't work on my mind, it will become unhealthy again. It feels so unfair and frustrating. Sometimes it makes me angry at other people who don't have any mental health issues. But then I read a post like yours, and I'm reminded that I'm not alone on this journey. I admire your bravery for stating it as you do. It needs to be said and repeated. Don't stop trying, but stop expecting it to go away. Rejoice in the changes that are possible. Celebrate all the wins. Celebrate the days when we're able to push ourselves to deal with it in a healthy way. Don't be embarrassed at all; you're an inspiration. We need to hear from the people who keep trying

That's interesting to find that someone else that has also had a therapist who was truly honest with them and explained that dealing with SA is a case of learning how to manage it in your daily life, as opposed to ever being able to "get over it".
I wish the two therapists I had seen before her, had told me that. It would have been better knowing that still having it after so many years, didn't mean that I was a failure.