Just Venting...

[CK23]

Hey, so i'm sorry first of all cos this will seem like a blog post...
It's been topsy turvy for me since the last few days, for one i'm extremely quiet and i can barely string two words together but in my new work place i am trying to erase this defect in me... i dont know when it's ever gonna go away i still feel horrible at times like now i am sitting near the laptop screen and there are 6 people upstairs that are all friendly and caring individuals and i cant even think of going to them let alone talk to them... it sucks to sit here by myself fearing that if i sent a msg on msn the lady whose senior to me would dump me for good as a friend... i've become so low that i can get dumped as a friend when there is always talk of boy friends and girl friends getting dumped by others... i'm officially available to be dumped even as a friend..I have to hold on and i dont know at times it feels like i cant do it anymore... I dont know if anyone can help me, but i'd like to thank anbody who did care to read this stuff from me...

 

[dottie]

you don't have to be friends with people at work. you should be friendly, though, know what i mean? if you truly want to be friends then i don't know what advice to give you because i have a hard time crossing the line of being friendly to actually being friends.

it's ok that you post here. maybe we should have a blog section on this site. i made a post that i kind of use as a blog. maybe people will think i am being an attention whore by posting there but i just need a place to vent random thoughts and anxieties anonymously. so... don't be afraid to post.

 

[CK23]

Yea, thanks for the support... it's really nice to be noticed, cos wth this problem you really feel like you're the only one whose insane... It does feel really slly when you see the stuff you wrote... i was just going through my earlier post and i felt ashamed of what i'd written... the thing is when you're feeling hurt you write that stuff to get better and then there are also times when you get to feel better... I was for once happy with myself that day cos i did finally muster the courage to send a few msgs to her on msn... one of my seniors at work... and she sent me some smiles and a few good msgs.. it probably would feel like nothing but it did mean a lot cos she has cared even though she's got more than a 100 friends and is 10 times more confident than i am she still treats me like a friend... i guess it matters when you have 0 friends and live like a hermit every single day feeling like you're frozen and the world's spnning all around you... i just feel comforted on this site cos i've noticed people really care here and share some grave experiences... thanks again i really appreciate all of it...

 

[CK23]

I've been able to do some chit chat but still the fear of being rejected hangs over me like a sword... i find myself thanking her again and again and thinking 10 times before i say anything to her... Dont have any other option either, i mean if i lose this i might not get another chance... I've always been let down cos no one understands and no one even cares whether i am alive or dead... I guess if i died people would be disgusted cos they'll have to leave their more important activities for my less important funeral...

 

[lonely_down_under]

Hi, I think almost everyone on this website is going through what you feel right now. Do you want to chat and share anything with me because I'm very similar to you, what you've described there.

I'm 22 male from Sydney also incredibly shy and nervous for real life, but online it's fine.

We can talk if you want. I'll be relieved and glad to talk.

 

[CK23]

Thanks for the encouragement... I just like reading all the posts on this site and the fact that i can relate to people here... Still, i dont think everyone goes through the exact same thing like you just said... i mean okay it's heart warming to know you've been through this and i can relate to you so we can communicate here about our problems... Not to be rude or anything but thats how i like it... It's also very nice to have so many people viewing your posts... it feels like people really do care in this world afterall...

 

[lonely_down_under]

No, not many care really. Just some people do who can relate themselves to us.