Just try, I know it's hard, but please try!

[Ads7800]

I want to say something.

No one really cares. That's right. Noone cares. Ha!

I know what you're thinkging, you think I am being negative and saying that people don't care, they do!

I went to a live DJ show last week. That's right. I am a social phobic and I went to a live performance at the Sydney Metro.

I saw Mix Master Mike doing his thing on the turntables. I was by myself and I felt great.

I don't want to trivialise the problems of social phobia, but you can do it!

I was loose, dancing, screaming and crying out "Hell Yeah!"

It wasn't easy, I felt observed by the crowd of 2000. But I love Mix Master Mike and I wasn't going to be controlled by this anonymous crowd.

Even though I felt that I was sometimes being observed by the crowd I felt alive. I fought the law and the law lost.

I don't want to make you upset. I want to make you feel empowered. We have so much to give, we just don't believe it!

Trust me, the people around you are so caught up in themselves that they are probably not even aware of you in the room.

I know this is hard news to swallow, I have been there and have felt the pain of rejection.

But really, if you go to a show and enjoy the concert, no one seems to notice, everyone else is concentrating on the show.

I care for you all,
Ads7800

 

[Social_Moth]

In situations with random people, I'm always comfortable. I go to shows and scream shit out all the time. If I don't know somebody (or care to), my anxiety disappears because I don't care if I'm rejected by somebody completely anonymous.

But you brought up a really good point anyway. People don't care. They don't even notice you if you fidget or have a slight anxious look on your face, or your palms are sweaty, etc, etc. They're worried about other shit in their own lives, and it doesn't mean crap to anybody weather you have social anxiety or not.

I think that's something a lot of us need to be reminded of more often. Thanks for the positive contribution... the site needs more of it!

 

[tpdarlo]

I live in Sydney too. Are you into DNB?

That's a good mentality to have if you truly believe it. Though understanding WHY people don't care is important too. For this mentality to stick you may need to rationalise it.

My rationalisation is a bit complicated, but i'm starting to remember it. It goes something like this:

1. Social anxiety is a fear of being judged. We fear being judged and do things like avoid social interaction, avoid talking and avoid people in order to prevent being judged by others.

2. You are being judged whether you have SA or not. When someone without SA is talking, they're being judged. When someone with SA is being anxious and not talking or being shy and reserved, they are being judged.

3. The person without SA who is talking is putting their personality out there on the line, and it's being judged. Some people will like the person, some people will dislike the person.

4. The person with SA is not putting their personality out there. They're not liked or disliked, and as a result they form no bond with anybody.

5. The person without SA has made more friends and has more relationships as a result of being judged by others.

I could be more succinct. I think I'll develop a more succinct rationalisation over time, but the point of the rationalisation is that your fear of being judged is actually counter intuitive and you should have more of a fear of not being judged. I had this epiphany at my third visit to my therapist.

 

[toothpastekisses]

..................

 

[boro]

I live in Sydney too. Are you into DNB?

That's a good mentality to have if you truly believe it. Though understanding WHY people don't care is important too. For this mentality to stick you may need to rationalise it.

My rationalisation is a bit complicated, but i'm starting to remember it. It goes something like this:

1. Social anxiety is a fear of being judged. We fear being judged and do things like avoid social interaction, avoid talking and avoid people in order to prevent being judged by others.

2. You are being judged whether you have SA or not. When someone without SA is talking, they're being judged. When someone with SA is being anxious and not talking or being shy and reserved, they are being judged.

3. The person without SA who is talking is putting their personality out there on the line, and it's being judged. Some people will like the person, some people will dislike the person.

4. The person with SA is not putting their personality out there. They're not liked or disliked, and as a result they form no bond with anybody.

5. The person without SA has made more friends and has more relationships as a result of being judged by others.

I could be more succinct. I think I'll develop a more succinct rationalisation over time, but the point of the rationalisation is that your fear of being judged is actually counter intuitive and you should have more of a fear of not being judged. I had this epiphany at my third visit to my therapist.

You are being judged but is the judgement focused on you all the time?? This just made me remember a discussion i had with a friend i first met at a party years ago where i was extremely anxious. When we first spoke to each other she said she remembered me being uninterested in talking but not anxious and that due to my minimal response (a result of anxiety)she thought I was thinking that SHE was being boring. The possibility of me being anxious never figured in her mind - until i told her of the severity of my social anxiety problems just recently that is and she remembered the whole awkward first meeting.

It just made me realise that its not only those with social anxiety that can wrongfully blame things on themselves - although the difference is they are able to handle it better. But to me it makes sense that if the person your talking to is getting a very minimal response that they could quite easily think theyre boring you or that its THEIR fault. But of course everyones different