Just to let you know that....

[MadCat]

I am not dead and am still barely surviving each day as it comes. I didn't just stop posting here but stopped posting everywhere else too. Everyone gets to a point where they can't handle things anymore, which I reach SO very very easy. I have a very low tolerance for keeping stuff up.

Next time I leave, I'll be sure to say bye. I bet some of you are thinking about how stupid this is because I am no one important. You're absolutely right, I am not important but I returned here just to let everyone know that I left because it was the only thing I could do. I really am too ill but just TELLING people this time.

So to fix something I did earlier...

Goodbye (a bit delayed huh)

You know my email if you ever want to get in contact with me. This is too overwhelming for me to discuss here anymore.

 

[unleashed]

i'm glad to know that youre okay.

 

[Scottish_Player]

I am not important.

Great to hear from you MadCat,you are someone important,to be honest i have been checking your journel everyday for a reply and i see you have posted this morning,please do keep posting on here again you have a valuable and intresting opinion on things and i enjoyed reading your posts sorry to hear your feelling so down hows things with the psychiatric nurse going are they helping you much?

Its good to hear from you again :wink:

 

[Chilling__Echo]

hey there madcat hang in there and you're so important - just as important as everyone else, glad to know you're doing ok. feel free to drop a random post every now and again i can't tell if you're leaving again or just saying goodbye for before and staying... whatever you do, hope things work out for you! you have loads of support here

 

[Yossarian]

Welcome back old bean. Hope things pick up soon.

 

[maggie]

we missed you

 

[MadCat]

I won't be too active as I used to :/

I was saying goodbye for previously. Better late than never, right?

I hope everyone else is holding on too. I also thought about Maggie alot while I was disconnecting myself from everyone.

To update on my situation a bit...

Not much has changed. Infact my trust issues are even worse than ever before. I am not getting the help that I need but this somehow is making me stronger. Now that I have a steady amount of money coming in (benefits mind you) I can help towards bills and actually BUY something for myself. I've never had so much money before. I just don't know what to do with it, even though it's consider small to most people.

Everything is like a big gel bubble to me. I'm passing through, but in the middle it is so tough to move around because of the sticky gel. I'll never be *better* and I accept that now. I can improve, but I'll always have psychological issues and mental illness.

The only person I can trust is myself. The only person that can pull me through this is myself. It may take a year or more before I step outside, but when I take that first step I will be so much improved. Making that transition from inside to outside is one of the toughest things for me. If I can break that mental barrier, I can break all the others. I've already broken a small barrier and actually come back here.

I'll tell you the truth. In my last post I said goodbye for both now and before. I didn't plan to return but I am here still, posting a new reply.

I hope one day I can prove to be a great example for SA sufferers. I've been rediagnosed with SA (seperate), dysthymic disorder, AvPD, DPD and mild schizoid and eating disorders. When I think about it, breaking this is huge, but for those with just SA...If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT. If nothing else works, you'll just have to end up doing everything yourself.

For years I've been telling myself "I'll never get better..I'll be like this forever" as a bad thing. I've only looked at the bad things. Now I'm trying my hardest to ACCEPT myself and everything about me and work on improving stuff. In 1 year at the most, I will be much better than I am now.

And I was considered one of the most pessimistic people out there..that's changed already.

Ok, I tihnk that's enough. Thanks for reading!