Just thought of a question...

[twinkleeyes]

If you know you are going to have to talk to someone do you sort of plan out a speech as of to what you're going to say to the other person? In my head I sort of have like a dialogue. I say something then I think about what the other person would say. The other day I went to the store (doesn't happen often) anyway I ran into two girls I used to be good friends with. After they walked up to me my mind went blank. It's like I get so scared/nervous I don't know what to say or I forget what I had planned to say. Has this happened to any of you or am I just different? I hate running into people I know. That may sound awful but I just don't like it

 

[shynobody]

this is exactly what happens to me! i have an idea of what i'm going to say but when the time comes...my mind goes blank. if there's a girl i want to talk to...i plan out some things to say beforehand...just mainly icebreaker stuff...not like everything i want to say...too much to remember lol. then my SP kicks in and tells me why am i talking to this girl who will probably reject me lol :? . i know that didnt help...but just know you arent the only one. maybe someone else can help you.

 

[aj]

Yes, I do exactly that. I will plan it, then because of that I start wondering if it's stupid, whether it's a waste of breath, what it's going to make me sound like etc, and end up not saying it.

I find a good trick to get around talking myself out of it is to think of what I'm going to say but then put it into the back of my mind. Then 'just' say it when the time's right because I know it's not stupid at all. I can only get myself to do it occasionally though.

Then they answer back and I kill the conversation because I can't think of a good reply - until about a minute later

 

[shynobody]

Yes, I do exactly that. I will plan it, then because of that I start wondering if it's stupid, whether it's a waste of breath, what it's going to make me sound like etc, and end up not saying it.

copy-catter .

 

[BreakingFree]

Just a question

Yes, I do too. I generally avoid places where I can meet people I know. I f I do, I where the mask I have for years to communicate. It does not feel OK, for I know I have cut off the part of myself thats uncomfortable with people,I sought of not acknowledge it exists. This is is where my feelingings of being pretentious, false, a fraud, not showing your trueself to the world originates. This also leads to a fear of being exposed. The key for me would be to try and be myself in social situations however difficult. At least I can score points with myself even if I look foolish,stupid, strange in the eyes of the other person.

 

[recluse]

OMG! I can totally relate to this. It all happened when i was in college at the age of 16. A boy in college and another boy were telling their ''great'' stories of their ''exciting'' lives, and then this boy asked me ''So have you got a story then, o'r is your life boring?'' and i had nothing interesting to say so from then on i had to think in my head what to say to people. This is one reason i am avoidant, because i would spend so much time thinking what to say to people before meeting them, i would be too exhausted to be with them so i withdrew from social contact with people. I never had many friends anyway but my cousin was my close friend, and i just stopped going to see him because i felt that i had nothing good to say. I have not talked to my cousin for 4 years and he only lives a short walk away, but he never goes out of the house and has never worked since leaving school.

 

[very_shy]

Yet another one who makes the same things... I don't usually plan my conversation ahead, however I have discovered (as someone else has also written on this forum) that when the conversation has some goal or specific topic (like school, weather) I can easily reply. A conversation, based on associations, where every minute there is a debate about different topic is a different story and if I don't know what to say I rather stay quiet. The latter is especially difficult when trying to make new friends/penpals/e-pals - I have broken up with three of them (all girls), because when in the 9, 10th letter I simply didn't know what to say to her next...

 

[twinkleeyes]

Thank you all for your responses. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I was scared to even post that question but I'm happy I did.

 

[shadowcopy]

I entirely relate to this, especially bumping into people. I have absolutely no charm whatsoever. None. When I meet somebody in an unplanned situation I actually have negative charm. I don't just not smile, my entire face goes dead. I can't think of a thing to say, and anything I do say is so quiet it might as well be some kind of weird anti-sound.

It surprizes me when such conversations last several minutes, because I must look and sound like some kind of cave monster capable of only single-syllable, single-word responses.

But the worst thing is afterwards. It lingers. It plays over and over in my head, and how I should have acted (and tried to but couldn't), and what I should have said, and what I might have said if I could if they said something slightly different (and so on). Sometimes I can't stop thinking about it for days.

 

[sidney]

yeah, i hate bumping into people, unexpectedly cus then floods of thoughts like "OMG i look awful today" come into my head & make me worse
as for situations u know are coming up, yeh i sorta do plan what i'll say, im doing that for my docs soon so i can explain my problems well without making an eejet of myself