so the problem is not in how others view you - it's in how you act (or think you're acting) in the first place
which is exactly where we tend to disagree (and where i think you misunderstand me) - many of our issues are in our own head.
But what if its not manipulative or condescending - what if its mere misunderstanding or clouded by bias and personal prejudgement? Is your existence only determined by how other people react toward you - at least to an extent? I sometimes wonder if confidence is absolute - that there is only one way to go about it. What about if you are confident on the inside, but you are also amiable, humble and easy going - does your confidence still count then - or are you just someone that is amiable, humble and easygoing.
while you assume that those thoughts are valid and look for an external cause (someone or something to blame), i am suggesting that those very thoughts we have about ourselves ARE the problem - that they're NOT necessarily valid, that we should question their origin rather than taking it for granted that they're true, and - most importantly - that we can change them
That sounds suspiciously like a combination of ACT therapy and CBT - yes its true that you have to question your own thoughts, because they are not necessarily true - especially when it comes to things like self worth.
I know what you are getting at with your philosophy - I really do. I have been to therapists who have said similar things - you can only change how you perceive the world, you cant change things outside of yourself. I am saying that just because you are paranoid doesnt mean that they ARENT after you.
I just think that if people have the belief that they are worthless, then they have learned that from somewhere - and that message keeps getting repeated to them over and over and over again - It's no WONDER people constantly struggle. Sometimes people are overlooked and ignored - is that something that comes from within themselves? no - it comes from the way that they are treated by the outside world. There is a balance - I am just saying no you cant throw your hands up in the air and give up and constantly blame everything else except yourself - but sometimes, there are other forces at work that do need to be blamed...and more importantly should be held accountable.
If we think we are ugly - we have been told (indirectly or otherwise) that we are ugly - how else are we supposed to think? Show me a good looking person who truly believes that they are physically unattractive, and I will show you someone with false modesty.
If we think we are ignored - then that belief must have come from somewhere. Maybe its false... but maybe...its true.
I have always, always, always noticed that people arent just attracted to confidence - but they are attracted and take more notice of things that make THEM look good.. Money, status, social standing, power, popularity (which feeds and snowballs on itself) - if you dont have these things then sure maybe you will bump along and do alright - but really we only want to rub shoulders and associate with people who we see as our own equals or people who whose influence can rub off on our own selves. These are some of the reasons why people get left behind sometimes - if we were truly an egalitarian society, then there would be no suffering and sites like this would cease to exist.
A good question to ask is - how do we KNOW what is an accurate representation of how we feel about ourselves? or our self image? How do we know..? Is not everything that we believe about ourselves and the world we live in merely a construct of our upbringing and environment?
Anyway - thats just how I feel. I dont have a defeatist attitude - I just dont candy coat for the sake of ensuring that I feel "OK" about everything.
