Just need to get this out.

[Sammie_Kay]

So just got back from my first couples counseling session.
I thought this would be a good thing and maybe it is/was. But I went from a good mood to not a good mood. Now i can feel me getting in to a depression.
We were there cause its me. Hi I am the problem with the issues. I knew it was going to be weird/tough but i ended up just crying the whole time and not really saying much. Every time I was asked a questions my mind went blank and I wasnt sure what to say or what was going on. I have been trying to find words on what to say to explain my issues for weeks now. I thought I was ready to talk and try to start to fix my problem but it didn't go that way. I dont know if it was just a awkward situation since I just meet this lady or if we just didnt pair well. She asked my what trauma was. which blew my mind cause I dont feel like I have some. But clearly I must have some trauma that I blocked out. I guess my stress from my social anxiety and my avoidant personality disorder that I try hard not to flair up is giving me trauma. She said I needed to see counseling on my own to work through myself before I should try to fix issues in my relationship. I guess this was a lot and now I am going to go to bed and hope to feel better when I wake up but am worried that my happy mood has gone away.

 

[Incognito]

Wow that sounds like an awful first session. I'm so sorry. What were you hoping to get out of it?

 

[Sammie_Kay]

Hoping I would be able to understand more of my partners side of things. We are normally pretty good but I guess the past few years hasn't been great for him. I cant blame him cause my anxiety has been pretty bad. Cant say I am not the best fiancé. I am hoping to branch off to do some therapy by myself but its hard cause I get in to my mind to much. I have all these topics I want to talk about but then when I try to go for it, I stop myself.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Sorry to hear this Sammie. I think there may be some good advice from your partner. It can be difficult to fix a relationship if you (possibly) have your own problems going on underneath.

Have you thought about doing some exploration of your possible trauma and inner self via a therapist? It can really help. A psychologist can provide a safe space for you to express your inner thoughts and feelings so you can begin working on them.

 

[Incognito]

Hoping I would be able to understand more of my partners side of things. We are normally pretty good but I guess the past few years hasn't been great for him. I cant blame him cause my anxiety has been pretty bad. Cant say I am not the best fiancé. I am hoping to branch off to do some therapy by myself but its hard cause I get in to my mind to much. I have all these topics I want to talk about but then when I try to go for it, I stop myself.

Sounds like individual therapy might be worth it. I've never been to couples therapy but I imagine having someone else there might be a challenge.