Just a Vent

Miserum

Well-known member
#1
What's up guys? Been a while since I posted here.

I've been feeling pretty down lately. Been feeling like a nobody and I don't know where I'm headed in life.

I feel like I'm never going to find someone to love--or trust--for that matter. I fear that a family might be a pipe dream, along with any lasting happiness. On that note, should I even raise a person when I'm this ****ed up? My dad didn't want children, and I think I know why; he's self-loathing, just like I am. Well, come I did, regardless of his wishes. He wasn't prepared for a child, and he did a shit job of raising me, if you can even call it that.

I fear that I will accomplish nothing in life because of my own stupidity, lack of guidance, or the rough and tumultuous life path that has led up to the present and defines who I am today.

I am constantly ruminating on my past mistakes, on the mistakes of others that have negatively impacted me, of embarrassing and stupid moments, of horrible social interactions, more than ever before. It's suffocating.

I've also finally realized, or maybe come to terms with is a better way of putting it, that I've been bullied my entire life. I really didn't want to admit that because it made me feel like a loser. But from my father, to my "friends," to kids in school, to co-workers, bosses, strangers, I've all been bullied. I tried to play it off as "Well, I'm just a nice, sensitive guy" as a defense, but honestly, that explanation makes me feel like a huge wimp. And feeling like a wimp is huge part of what my thoughts revolve around.

I've terminated multiple longterm friendships over the past few years. I can't tell if it's because those people are shitty and I'm just fed up, or if I'm am just such of a mental mess now that I can't handle being around them.

I think I'm going to have to see a professional soon. Life is becoming too confusing and unbearable. :sad:
 
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#3
Hi Miserum :)

That is a good start in coming to terms with the fact that you have been bullied most of your life, Miserum.
Bullying can destroy a persons soul, from the inside out.
Seeing a professional for some advice in dealing with that, is a good idea.

I know from my own experience with bullying, seeing a professional can help you to understand that it was not your fault.
Find a good professional - if the first one does not recognise and deal with the trauma from the bullying - try another one!
The second one I went to, knew how to properly deal with someone who had experienced severe bullying.
 
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