Journal of the Drones

[Dronee]

I've a lot of musings, some regarding practical matters and other regarding unusual ideas. I don't want to spam the forums with my questions or thoughts (at least not all of them), so I've decided to make this journal both as a way to seek insight as well as a record of my own thoughts. I'm sorry if this doesn't sound like a typical journal and may seem confusing. Haha.... I'm a little bit of a scatterbrain (is that the term?)

***

Verbalizing the term for an object disrupts the mental image of that object. Yet, in synaesthesia, the senses work in harmony to retain the mental images. How does one stop oneself from verbalizing? Learning a new pictorial language but without the meaning attached to the words? Do visual learners have less negative self-talk and if depressed have more visual nightmares instead? My blind colleague... she says she does not dream in visual form, only in an auditory form. She can also assimilate extremely large amounts of auditory information, even when presented at a very, very fast rate. With the help of her computer (which speaks), she can read far, far quicker than most of us who can see. I estimate she reads at about twenty or more words a minute with good retention and understanding. Neural plasticity?

Today, I met two cats. I fed each some spiced fish (both sweet and sour) but they refused it. Why? It was not junk food and the spices were weak. I also borrowed some books on languages I'm not familiar with. I'm suddenly reminded of a few things. Can a device be made such that it delivers a very mild electric shock to myself whenever I get something wrong? The device is attached to the eyes and form images. Can a program be created simulating such? Link: research on iconic memory (testing methodology: random sampling of a large set... via auditory cue to negate the rapid decay) Iconic memory decays at a very rapid rate. How to increase the rate of retention? Or is it possible to transfer the image into short term visual working memory?

What is the basis of visual vocabulary? The knowledge of language in most cases destroys visual felicity. Suppose a language is made such that all five senses are needed (taste will be hard)... Will a child taught such a language from infancy retain abilities in all of these?

I cannot recall colors well. My ability to do this is below normal using only visual abilities. Does painting improve visual recall or only visual discrimination? Does an overly strong memory (or an overly weak one) make one susceptible to depression? Taxes: If on the sum total of a person's relatively liquid asset and then transferred to the very poor and destitute... or perhaps simply as a way to... Now then, even if it's a low percentage, then a sum of money will be had that can be made to solve much of the world's problems or at least much of poverty. Due to the rich (minority) having the majority of the world's resources.

The nature of genius is hard work and will. I should exercise more and be more physically active. Perhaps turn vegetarian after I know how to cook well. Hard work and exercise are the best form of healing for the mind and body. And sleep. Sleep. The body has a right to rest. As does the mind.

Computer: I need to relearn how to control which programs initiate at startup. My friend owes me a favor.

 

[Dronee]

Did some testing. Thoughts.

How to increase the rate of retention of iconic memory? Maybe one cannot, but by using groupings and such, one can mimic something decent. After all, the reason why the average person can easily memorize an essay perfectly with relative ease is due to the words having meaning and sentences having logical structures. And perhaps mnemonic devices.

Then, can images be similarly treated? E.g. Orange, yellow, red, brown are of similar 'sounds'. Likewise, the blues and bluish purples. Whites and light greys. They are frequencies, numbers after all in the spectrum. Both sounds and colors are waves or their functions if memory serves... both have a mathematical basis.

What is the logical structure of an image? It seems obvious that simple linear symmetry is one. Rotational symmetries and others as well. Is it that the visually skilled mind finds order in otherwise chaotic/organic images? My dreams though terrifying are not utterly distinct. Do real artists dream in the most distinct and precise details compared to others? Do the nasally congested dream of scents?

For myself, not only does verbalizing affect the mental image, the opening of my eyes and newer visual input also destroys the mental image. So... will extending the period of closing my eyes solidify the image? WW1 (or was it WW2) pilots were trained in very dark rooms to improve their visual recognition. (not recommended) Personal experiment done long ago: By exposing a thing to very intense light in a very dark room and then closing the eyes immediately thereafter, the afterimage stays. Physical effect? I could not convert it into long term memory in the relatively long (three to four seconds) it took to decay.

Some of what's superficial is necessary for what's deeper as some small talk is?

Your insights are much valued...

 

[Dronee]

I've cleaned out the computer. Did a sketch of an eye and a face that's better than any of the ones I've ever done before today. Did three writing pieces. Resumed taking some supplements. I need to earn more money so that I can see the doctor.

I should cook up my own program on visual memory. There's not much good ones on the internet... at least not the free ones. It will also serve to refresh some basic programming skills. Combine natural sounds with visuals... perhaps rain = blue? Or the crackle of fire = red? Does the arbitrary nature of english and other languages make it harder to synthesize? For example, if the sound of rain is made to represent rain... etc.. but the human throat cannot vocalize all sounds found in nature. I was right. Refer to kiki/bouba effect. Beyond onomatopoeia. Terrible Dejavu now.

How does one receive payment if not from Paypal? What ways to receive or send money online to countries that have little online support? There are many websites on the internet that are legitimate and can give one money for various works. Notably writing.

Can one break down logic by logically constructing illogical situations? For possible use in getting to sleep.

 

[Dronee]

Does the arbitrary nature of english and other languages make it harder to synthesize? When having the normal five visual data in the mind (iconic or short term), the five can be easily within reach of the mind. Increasing the visual information to six to eight will make it much harder to recall any of it and often they fragment completely.

My mind searches grasps at the images in twos and threes... and they fragment. Chess grandmasters recall positions on the board easily due to logical arrangements. The castled king and its fortifications (pawn, perhaps rook as well) are regarded as a single unit.

What are the general logical structures of visual images? Why is it that the average human adult can recognize thousands and perhaps millions of images and not be able to generate them back unless perhaps in dreams? Is the conscious mind truly the culprit here? Why can I differentiate faces and from there, gender when it takes the most sophisticated algorithms for the computer to do so? I should read the first-hand accounts of people with synaesthesia... Similarities and differences in techniques between such individuals

 

[DanFC]

If you are not already in college, get into one and take some cognitive and perception/sensory psychology classes. Make a major revolving around the logic behind cognitive processes. If that's not enough, find a sponsor and go into your own experimental research or get involved in neurobiology.

Problem solved xD If it only it was so easy.

 

[Dronee]

If you are not already in college, get into one and take some cognitive and perception/sensory psychology classes. Make a major revolving around the logic behind cognitive processes. If that's not enough, find a sponsor and go into your own experimental research or get involved in neurobiology.

Problem solved xD If it only it was so easy.

I've no money. But thanks for the suggestion... And even if I do, it's rather much for my own tastes. I already have my degree and post-graduate education.

 

[DanFC]

Well if you are a post-grad it should be easier to find sponsors for research, right? And from my understanding, that's not something you pay for. You just have to find a sponsor with the available grant money. But then again my knowledge on post-graduate research is rather limited.

 

[Dronee]

Well if you are a post-grad it should be easier to find sponsors for research, right? And from my understanding, that's not something you pay for. You just have to find a sponsor with the available grant money. But then again my knowledge on post-graduate research is rather limited.

I know a couple of people on the inside, profs. But they're maths profs. The one psy prof I knew had left. Besides, I'm horrible at formal documenting for other people. And even if I find anything important (highly unlikely), it'll always somehow end up with the military first. At least that's what I fear. As importantly, I don't think I'm anywhere good enough to be using corporate money or government money. I'm not a scientist. Many are far more capable and better at using such money.

I'll just have to do things myself. I'm recording here so that I have records of past thoughts. Others here may also have some valuable insights. The so called 'smart people' forums strangely don't have much discussions on this specific area. At least the ones I've been to. Lots of silly bickering which argues against their forum titles. By such a measure, this site has possibly the smartest people online.

So feel free, all of you to share your experiences or insights on the topic or whatever is on this journal.

 

[DanFC]

I know a couple of people on the inside, profs. But they're maths profs. The one psy prof I knew had left. Besides, I'm horrible at formal documenting for other people. And even if I find anything important (highly unlikely), it'll always somehow end up with the military first. At least that's what I fear.

No matter how few or how many reasons there are to do something, there always seem to be more reasons not to do it. And not that this applies to you, but note that there is a fine line between a good reason and a bad excuse.

That being said, I myself am currently active in research (not post-grad though) and have worked extensively with professors and post-grad/post-doc researchers, and I've found that the primary interest of a researcher is just that, research. In general, a scientist doesn't care about the political or social implications of their research outside of their study. Their primary concern is the validity of their data, results, and conclusions. As a suggestion, maybe you should think of your desire for research in this way.

 

[Dronee]

In general, a scientist doesn't care about the political or social implications of their research outside of their study. Their primary concern is the validity of their data, results, and conclusions.

I care. That's probably why I'm unlikely to be the average scientist and why I find life so hard. I'm also not smart enough to justify the spending such money. But if you want to think of me as weak-willed or lazy, go ahead. I'm just surprised that you think I actually merit such money placed in my care. You're doing something related to the mind? NLP perhaps?

In my opinion, knowledge and technology is the scalar and caring is the vector. Perhaps not that simple, but that's the image in my mind.

***

Is the underside of the leaf more vibrantly light than the darker top for many species of plants? Why do the leaves of some plants droop while others are horizontal and yet others (like some ferns) are vertically slanted? Is it the stem (is that the word?) of the leaf that determines? And the nature of leaves and plants are very varied.

Do clouds at a certain location almost always go in a certain way? Seems plausible when considering the nature of wind. Clouds outside the window always seem to be moving a certain direction. Also, the more horizontal clouds seem to move in a direction parallel to their horizontal nature. Is it that the wind has shaped them before?

There is character in the way a person jogs. The hand may be drooping and shaken and an older man may have his sagging skin bouncing a little.

I'd thought that auditory memory is more sequential while visual is more holistic. But what if many sounds were introduced at once? And what if images are shown in succession?

Combine certain music with natural sounds like rain.

 

[Dronee]

Painting: Two sides, one natural, the other cityscape office... Two deaths. One the jaguar and the deer (colored). The other, the worker and the boss who are both dying and dead and gray. The gray is eating up the colors.

 

[hippiechild]

The underside of a leaf IS less vibrant than the top! I'd guess that it's due to a greater concentration of chlorophyll on the upper portion of the leaf since that's where it's most needed for absorbing light.

The shape that a plant makes is probably influenced mostly by the behavior of surrounding lighting, direction of gravity and actions taken by other plants. If you're an understory plant without a woody stalk, you have to compete for the light filtering through the canopy since you can't compete with the trees for direct sunlight. Instead, the flexible stem makes it possible to alter your leaves positions relative to the sun on an hourly basis, making the most of what you have. If you're a vine, then you want to bend away from the light, toward the darkness that may (hopefully) represent a tree.. then make a beeline for the top so that you can share in the tree's vertical aptitude (small, broad leaves that can be spread along the length of your stem without impairing your ability to hang on... small and plentiful leaves)..

of course, you have to take into account other factors that influence plants and their leaves.. things like animals and weather.

plants are active participants in their environments, growing, turning and twisting all the time!

some things that I read about a while back, which you might find interesting are the various "Tropisms" that plants engage in... moving in response to the environment..

anyway, that's just my input from the ignoramus aisle.

 

[Feathers]

YAY, Dronee has a journal too!!

Interesting about 'intelligent discussion'!!
It's true that I found some 'forums for gifted' sort of sadly lacking.. this forum is much nicer, yup...

I share your concerns what any research would be used for too.. And not sure about the whole grant thing either.. So it's good to read your thoughts on that too..

I will go through this journal slowly, it takes quite some intelligence to go through it, so many ideas and concepts in one small space!

Verbalizing the term for an object disrupts the mental image of that object. Yet, in synaesthesia, the senses work in harmony to retain the mental images. How does one stop oneself from verbalizing?

I know quite a few languages (not all of them well, mind you..) and listening to songs or just watching films in a language you do not understand can somewhat 'relax the brain'..
If I need to work on something, listening to music in a language I don't know well will be okay, if I know it well it will 'distract' me..

Also creating and artistic activity can 'by-pass' verbalizing stage (?) Some nutrition/exercise (or wine lol) can stop negative self-talk or such too..

For me, verbalizing the term for an object doesn't disturb the mental image, it 'calls it' (?) (Someone says something and I 'see' it or 'imagine' it vividly, not pleasant when unpleasant subjects invoked at lunch )

Learning a new pictorial language but without the meaning attached to the words?

I'm not sure what meaning such an act might have? Just learning the 'pretty shapes' for the beauty factor?

Do visual learners have less negative self-talk and if depressed have more visual nightmares instead?

I don't think so. I'm visual/kinaesthetic and have had quite some negative self-talk too.. Then again it depends what you mean by 'visual learners'?

My blind colleague... she says she does not dream in visual form, only in an auditory form. She can also assimilate extremely large amounts of auditory information, even when presented at a very, very fast rate.

This is interesting..

With the help of her computer (which speaks), she can read far, far quicker than most of us who can see. I estimate she reads at about twenty or more words a minute with good retention and understanding. Neural plasticity?

20 words a minute is not so much? It depends if it's scientific texts or...? I read (and write) very quickly too.. Though I forget stuff too.. I sometimes feel like a 'human USB key'..

Can a device be made such that it delivers a very mild electric shock to myself whenever I get something wrong?

That sounds very scary.. I think such machines have been made, and psychology experiments been done.. Who defines 'wrong' though-??

The device is attached to the eyes and form images. Can a program be created simulating such?

I think some experiments have been made on this too, not sure.. (not in connection with above, that I know of) I think I read about it..

Link: research on iconic memory (testing methodology: random sampling of a large set... via auditory cue to negate the rapid decay) Iconic memory decays at a very rapid rate. How to increase the rate of retention? Or is it possible to transfer the image into short term visual working memory?

Not sure what you mean here.. "Iconic memory decays at a very rapid rate." - do you mean with everyone or just in some cases? I think I sometimes remeber shapes/signs better than just words (?) Eg I know what a book or folder or gizmo looks like visually..

What is the basis of visual vocabulary?

What do you mean by 'visual vocabulary'? Words like they are written?

The knowledge of language in most cases destroys visual felicity.

Not sure if that's true-? What do you mean by that?

Suppose a language is made such that all five senses are needed (taste will be hard)... Will a child taught such a language from infancy retain abilities in all of these?

Every language is learnt that way, you experience world and get words to link to it...? You taste wine and are told this is 'wine'.. Not always (or rarely) in classes though.. Approaches to learning exist that take into account the 5 senses though.. I've tried to do this, kids enjoyed it a lot, some of the kids I taught were really shocked in 'ordinary school' though..

I cannot recall colors well. My ability to do this is below normal using only visual abilities. Does painting improve visual recall or only visual discrimination?

You might experiment and see? Though it possibly depends on colors used too, if any iffy chemicals might decrease amount of good minerals/vitamins and cause poor memory, or not?

Does an overly strong memory (or an overly weak one) make one susceptible to depression?

Both depression and poor memory can have same or similar causes: eg lack of proper nutrition (vitamins& minerals) and exercise.. Or you might forget the good things in life and just hyperfocus on bad ones..
Overly strong memory could hold one susceptible to grudges or harboring resentment, yup..

Taxes: If on the sum total of a person's relatively liquid asset and then transferred to the very poor and destitute... or perhaps simply as a way to... Now then, even if it's a low percentage, then a sum of money will be had that can be made to solve much of the world's problems or at least much of poverty. Due to the rich (minority) having the majority of the world's resources.

I don't know what's liquid asset lol..
Money from just one person wouldn't make so much difference, unless it's Bill Gates or such.. Or did you mean all people? It depends what it would be used for too.. Just giving money would not necessarily solve things, some people might use it for alcohol or drugs or gambling or silly luxuries or such.. It's important what the money is used for, for good programs teaching people skills that help them survive in a good way and flourish.. (ideally in eco-friendly and health-friendly ways...)

 

[Dronee]

Thanks hippie and feathers for your thoughts. Thanks hippie for teaching what you know to me, I'll keep that in mind when I do my amateur attempts on drawing trees.

@Feathers: My blind colleague reads at twenty or more words a second, not a minute. I stated it wrongly. Visual vocabulary is not just words. I've read that some blind people go half mad when they receive surgery to restore their sight because they lack the visual vocabulary to process so many things at once. Or at least that's what the articles I've read say.

On language: The learning of categories and words makes most brains take short cuts. Instead of 'seeing' a chair, we recognize very basic shapes and label it as a generic chair. This is the primary reason why most people find painting and drawing difficult. On the language invention that needs all five senses, right now, we only need hearing. The deaf use sign language which requires only sight. The blind uses braille to read, which requires only touch... I was thinking of a language that requires all of these. So to communicate the concept of say... love... the person must gesture, speak with the right inflection.. and perhaps use other senses to convey or receive information. Of course, we all use visual cues like body language to infer things, but I'm talking about something different here.

Iconic memory refers to the primary visual 'cache' that the brain has. At least according to what I've read. It decays in less than one second.

If your uttering of a word doesn't compromise the mental image in your mind, you may very well be visually gifted.
***

I need to be more efficient in my work and study. My friends work 24/7... I think even in their dreams they are working. How to face such people then when I know that I could have worked much harder than I do? I did a quick poem just now.

***

My loneliness is the man in the crowd

We are the cogs in the machinery

Buying paper money with our souls

With cold heart stand a world apart


So the world wide web now has me snared

And video games and cars and a thousand more

Distractions to hide the loneliness

Even as company grows averse


Still the worst of it are these endless nights

Insomnia telling me that I'm missing

Yes, I am missing. Something I once had

But alas I have forgotten and perhaps I had nothing


But this office gray

Today, tomorrow as yesterday

A stagnant crucible of nothings

My silent cubicle of longings

***


Smoke and mirrors

Preying on our fears

And choking our dreams

The silence of our screams

Beneath the smiling masks we wear

Yes indeed we're in the liars' lair

Where reality is thin as smoke

Cloaked by our steadfast obedience

And our burdens unspoken


So when shall we learn?

To show the lie of the masses

Who are busy massing the riches

By telling us that we're worthless

Unless we have the latest toys

And keep pace with the crowd

Nay.. it's time we turn about and face our oppressors

And tell them that we had heard this news

That it's all smoke and mirrors

It's all smoke and mirrors...

 

[Dronee]

Is there a device that is sold with the following characteristics? It is placed lightly over the eyes and the soft parts touching the face as well as the strap are cool to the touch. It is placed very close to the eyes and uses some technology that does not strain the eyes. It shows images of natural settings such as the beach or the deciduous forests. Or perhaps the night sky or the skies at dawn. It also has surround systems that makes use of the confined nature of most rooms that the listener may be in.
As the sounds of nature such as birds chirping, rain, the rushing waves... etc... come bouncing off the walls and also directly towards the listeners, the listener will feel as if he or she is in another place. Together with the visuals, and perhaps some scents or even touch (taste?), this will hopefully relax the insomniac. A multi-sensory device to aid the insomniac.

Perhaps the device should also include illogical/dreams/symbolic logic.... perhaps catered or even personalized to the individual? E.g: "Day at the Office", "Nature", "Jog", "Unhappiness"... etc... Also, Dan Spots (IIRC) and others' matrix sounds that confuse or relax the mind? Could the sum total of all these not only help one to sleep but also boost the intellect a little?

Plenty of concerns here though...

***

Sometimes, our imaginations are the worst of enemies for it does not rest and can haunt us no matter where we hide or even in sleep. "There is evil there that does not sleep". Indeed, our fears often do not sleep.

***

I have just returned from a walk in the park. I had met an old friend... now an old acquaintance. Over a decade ago, we, as well as several others, used to play silly formats of chess well into the evenings. And in the morning after, rushed our assignments right as the school bell rings to indicate that our time is up and classes will begin. Good times now gone. Now most of us are left with "How are you I'm doing fine"s... Sadly, many of us don't even have that much. Was it Mother Theresa that said that the true poverty is loneliness? That and the spiritual vacuum.

***

Why does the brain find certain scents pleasant?! I was informed just now that the fresh scent of the beach waves are nothing but the emission of certain bacteria.

 

[Dronee]

Masks. That's what it is.

I had met two old friends of mine. We played chess. One was my former teacher, a well known master and the other is a chess enthusiast of moderate skill. The master is now much weaker than he once was due to various ailments. When I was a youth, I could not have beaten him... perhaps I'd beat him in one out of twenty games... if that.

I had not really played any chess for a long time. Years? It feels like decades. Another life to be sure. We played casually and I played almost purely by instinct since I had long ago lost any kind of patience. An occupational hazard.

I'm surprised that I had beaten them both very convincingly. I had several thoughts concerning this... The first is that I wondered if my painting exercises, slow as they are, are proving effective. I believe I can reconstruct the positions even now and play through the games without the need for notes or a board.

The second thought and one that is more dominant is to wonder at age... How fragile is life? This master was not the man I once knew. Still confident, still assured, but ultimately he knows as well as I do that his days are numbered. Yet he has had a well lived life.

While I... I am a drone with a mask. They thought that I am living a great life with a great career... great everything... I cannot tell them for they cannot understand. How silly it must sound that one's dreams had fallen for seemingly the asinine reason of an inability to sleep?

Indeed, upon seeing my seemingly casual wins, they are even more insistent at lining me up for the host of tournaments in the coming weeks. How to tell them that that old person they know is effectively no more. I have no huge lists of contacts, no resources... nothing. On the chessboard of my life, there is only one piece left for me.... myself. Not a king, but a pauper with a mask.

That sounds like the beginnings of a poem. Or perhaps a requiem. But still I crawl onwards. Ah ye copper nickels, but delusions of grandeur... and yet, there are some lessons to be had from chess. No matter the position, all that is left to us is to make the best move under those circumstances, pitiful though that move may seem.

Though that analogy isn't truly accurate... In life, there's almost always a way if we could but see it. And if we are blind to all the ways before us, then we shall still find an approximation of a solution.

Ah... I still feel a sense of nostalgia now. In the old days, we would crowd around and listened to the master as he teaches... and promptly play silly chess and of course be scolded by the master. The tables will be lined up and we may have a simultaneous exhibition of his chess skills or one of the other great players. I had my anxieties even then due to being so academically weak... but there were also a few friends and the few of us would always be laughing about one silly thing or another... or having petty squabbles that make little sense.

I had joined several other activities as well, both physical and mental ones. But chess was a great thing to me because I was in a unique position. The other players are all either very talented (literally geniuses) or they have little skill. I was one of the very few moderately skilled players. So the master often taught me and paired me with the prodigies as practice partners.

I am defeated time and time again... again... again.... again... The prodigies have gone on to become masters themselves. But under such training, I had become a supporting player who rounded up the school team. We trounced every other team... and while my score was not always the perfect wins of the prodigies, I had a respectable scoreline always. Against the best, I was not found severely wanting for I had already faced them everyday. And when I lost, I was eager to rise again to the challenge.

Now the trophies lie tarnished and worn out... like the man who taught me all those years ago. And like I am as well. It is like one of those wound-up toys... After a certain times, the mechanism gets rusty and old... and no matter how many times you wind it up, it gives only a little bit of a little walk, until it refuses to walk at all...
But most things can be remedied, except for things such as death.

There's much more I wish to say... but alas for the limitations of words.

 

[Dronee]

Oh wow... I just finished the chinese chess tournament I've been dreading for so long. After being cajoled and persuaded into it, I had foolishly agreed even though I've not played for a few years and I was never that strong of a player.

Tournament is a team event with three players fielded and a couple of reserves on standby. The event lasts two days with three rounds in the first and four in the second. Our team only had two candidate master strength players and three casual players like myself. Each of us casual players took one round along with the real players. The other two casual players lost due mostly due to pressuring themselves. I won the third round when the opponent became too impulsive in grabbing a seemingly "free" horse which he immediately saw after taking it that it leads to an instant loss. Regardless of the fluke, I was slightly more confident and my anxiety lessened. I did not pressure myself and only played the game disregarding who my opponent was. At any rate, I think he was only a casual player. Hmm... I also remember that the night before this, I was not sleeping due to anxiety.

On day two, I was scheduled only to play one or two rounds and let the other reserves take the rest of the rounds. The regular tourney players will of course play all four games. I did some work during the night and fell asleep on the floor for a couple of hours only to be woken up by the team captain. He informed me that the other reserves were not turning up as expected and I had to come immediately or else the team will forfeit one table out of three. It was already late, so again with almost no sleep, I dragged myself to the venue and arrived half an hour late. The opponent now has twice as much thinking time as me so I blitz him. I didn't know the openings, being a casual player and all... luckily, he's not that strong himself and so I beat him... I was up one piece which I had put en prise due to a mistake. Managed to recover though and retain the piece advantage. It was not needed though for the tournament players already won their games. Feeling tired, I asked my opponent for a draw to which he gladly accepted.

Round five:

We were doing well so we were pitted against a very strong team. Since there's no other reserves, I have to play all four games today including this game. The strategy for the team is to let me face the most difficult opponent and hope for the best. This is the only game though that I took red (first move). Turns out that my opponent is a national master who is one of the very best players in the country. It was a very tough game and he had effectively smothered my pieces. But some very daring moves by myself made my forces break free and play the game to a standstill. It should have been a draw then, but I began fearing a little bit due to his reputation and in a sudden overcautious turn made a false move. He lived up to his reputation by exploiting a seemingly minor mistake into a win. He later commented that it was a nice game.... I'd take that as a compliment since he's probably the strongest or second strongest player in the whole tournament.

Round six:

I played very badly this round due to exhaustion and because I was told that it was a ridiculously strong player like my last match. I actually hallucinated his first move and was lucky that my reply was a decent one despite the visual trickery my mind played on me. He used an unusual opening which I had never seen, not that I actually know any opening formally. I managed to somehow fight him to a standstill by neutralizing all the major threats. However, he had one extra soldier and I saw that it was enough to win. Feeling tired, I promptly resigned to which he looked shocked. He told me that it was still possible to try for a draw though admittedly hard. I later found out that he was actually NOT a master and that he's a decade younger. He was still known to be a strong player I was told. I also discovered that my other teammates (the regular tournament players) also lost due to the strength of the opponents.

Round Seven:

I was badly demoralized and drained by now. I'm not even anxious. I just want to play quickly and either exchange pieces to force a draw or go on a mad attack to force the issue swiftly one way or another. Lol... Our own teammate (a candidate master himself) told me that my opponent was quite weak and should be an easy win and that I should try my best despite exhaustion. I agreed and took his advice to play properly. I still can't help blitzing him and going all over the place with my forces, even though I moved second. He was suspiciously resilient for a supposedly weak player. And he's also suspiciously cool under pressure and did not fall for any possible weak plays. I thought that I was simply playing weakly due to exhaustion and couldn't care less. Later on I made a minor mistake due to greed and he capitalized. I managed to get into a drawish position however and he agreed to a draw since his teammates had already lost... no reason to carry on playing. He told me that I played very well in the opening and that I should have won in the middlegame had I pressed the attack. Amusingly enough, later on, I was told that the player I faced was actually a candidate master and not a weak player! Lol... So I just blitzed a candidate master to a standstill... That was why my opponent seems surprised that I was hyperaggressive and daring, not to mention trying to blitz him! He even asked if I practiced often. This shows that if you don't overly worry about things, you really do perform better. There were certain teams who also looked down on our team as we do not have 'star' players as in we only have one candidate master and one recent individual tournament winner.. we lack a third strong player. I wonder what they would say if they know that a non-Chinese is also in the team... well, I'm not a 'pureblood' at any rate.

LESSONS LEARNED

You should just try your best. There were situations in the games where I should have lost.. I made a mistake, but I just forgot about it, didn't beat myself up and just played on and try to see the position afresh. This is what we should do with our life. Unfortunately, you can't just 'resign' and start a new game. So just put in the effort, calculate and hope for the best. Chess taught me to try and use the resources that's left to you, no matter how little or hopeless it seems. If there's a sliver of a chance, one should grab it.

Look for simple objectives based on the situation. Break difficult problems into the essence of the position. What are the key features? The main obstacles? The main resources? What are the priorities? Based on this, see ALL possible moves.. there's usually about a few dozens of them of which usually only several make sense. Calculate them to the best of your ability and use judgment. Do not second-guess yourself into seizures or beat yourself up if things go wrong and an opponent seems to show that it's a mistake. Keep trying.

Psychology is very important in chess as it is in life. The other reserves are actually strong players despite being casual players. Just that they pressurize themselves too much to the point of trying to be perfectionists. Excessive pressure was not good. It is interesting to hear that the team captain's experience on his previous tournament win (individual title). Although not a master himself, he had beaten masters in that tournament like there's no tomorrow... His little secret? He purposely went to the zoo to relax RIGHT before the tournament. He said just watching the greenery helped to calm his mind down... so I guess that's why he was able to focus so well that day. The other players must be doing some last minute revisions and no doubt the masters must have felt more than a little anxious when this seeming nobody proceeded fearlessly into the games.

Anyway, I'm dead tired now. I had forgotten how tiring tournaments are. Luckily, I was playing mostly on instinct and impulse and did very little calculations. I'm extremely surprised that I could have won any games at all really. The only explanation I can think of is that my amateur painting must be improving my other skills. I also keep getting into all kinds of silly situations and I guess that kind of desperate situations could have translated itself into finding unorthodox solutions on the chessboard. Haha.. I'll stop rambling now... I'll add this last bit in however... the thing I dread turned out to be quite an enjoyable experience.

 

[Dronee]

It's sad though, that my old instructor has yet another setback that may cost him several thousand dollars yet again. But this guy is definitely the person to look up to for confidence and fighting spirit. I would like to help out, unfortunately I've no money and no organizational skills to run tournaments. At best, I can only serve as a helper... Those, I'm sure he has enough of.

He actually taught me a lot about chess and to be honest, I do owe him for more than just chess. Chess gave me something to be proud of, but more than that, he also taught confidence indirectly. He doesn't teach us to memorize openings slavishly, but rather to make a judgment and be confident with it. If we're wrong, we learn.

Maybe someday when I'm actually serious in chess or chinese chess or perhaps both, I will try becoming a recognized master myself so that people will remember and know of the old instructor who was so instrumental in promoting chess in the region. Hopefully, I'll be able to improve my visual memory and abilities fast enough.. before the old instructor moves on from diabetes. Maybe do some other people proud as well.

I must remember also that the chess captain is a hardcore gambler who has gambled away thousands. I've managed to persuade him that his chances are probably better in real investments. He suggested that I manage his money the next time and that I should not be afraid of losing the money... He says that he has lost dozens of thousands in gambling so taking risks and losing money isn't a big deal to him.

Our abilities and difficulties are only a trial for us.

 

[Feathers]

oh gosh. Wow.

What a life!!

I was really impressed with you writing about chess, very literary, very interesting... I didn't know chess could be so interesting!!

And Wow about the insights... Losing so much made you a good and valuable player, Wow!! I think there's a lesson in life in this!!!!
And thinking someone was a master or weak player seemed to make all the difference, lol!! Good to know, for any next times! he he...
(They must tell you they are all weak players!! )

Maybe you can write a book about it or something? Or at least some 'real' articles or stories for the chess/literary magazines or such?
Profiles of successful chess players and old masters could probably be good too?? Do you have Writer's Market or such? Or maybe you can google some markets/magazines online? Maybe some psychology or biz magazines even?
I really think people need to read this, and more of your work!! Elsewhere, not just on Helium/Triond!!

Does the master teacher think you work in investment? Or just has faith in you?
I'm not sure if investing is that wise these days, maybe in Asia?
Here in Europe, the markets have sorta fallen, last I heard.. Don't keep track of it much though.. And maybe it's different in Asia, or things have risen again?

If you can help with a tournament and want to, maybe it could be a good experience? At least you got to hang out with people!!
You could also do PR/make 'advertisements' with your writing skill?

**
I think such a device exists...ˇˇ some 'glasses' - visual part, don't know about acoustic part; scents probably need to come separately though.. and massage too
Or you could try soaked cloth in warm chammomile tea? And towel over it, to keep warm? Very relaxing... (maybe if you have widened eye vessels make sure to not have too hot tea and go for just nice warm..?)

Is there a device that is sold with the following characteristics? It is placed lightly over the eyes and the soft parts touching the face as well as the strap are cool to the touch. It is placed very close to the eyes and uses some technology that does not strain the eyes. It shows images of natural settings such as the beach or the deciduous forests. Or perhaps the night sky or the skies at dawn. It also has surround systems that makes use of the confined nature of most rooms that the listener may be in.
As the sounds of nature such as birds chirping, rain, the rushing waves... etc... come bouncing off the walls and also directly towards the listeners, the listener will feel as if he or she is in another place. Together with the visuals, and perhaps some scents or even touch (taste?), this will hopefully relax the insomniac. A multi-sensory device to aid the insomniac.

Perhaps the device should also include illogical/dreams/symbolic logic.... perhaps catered or even personalized to the individual? E.g: "Day at the Office", "Nature", "Jog", "Unhappiness"... etc... Also, Dan Spots (IIRC) and others' matrix sounds that confuse or relax the mind? Could the sum total of all these not only help one to sleep but also boost the intellect a little?

Plenty of concerns here though...

Yeah, as interesting as it sounds, people could program 'iffy stuff' in there I guess, and well, what would they be made of, would they be easily recyclable and eco-friendly? Sometimes low-tech solutions can work even better and be more eco-friendly... Is it easier to sleep after the tournament?

I have just returned from a walk in the park. I had met an old friend... now an old acquaintance. Over a decade ago, we, as well as several others, used to play silly formats of chess well into the evenings. And in the morning after, rushed our assignments right as the school bell rings to indicate that our time is up and classes will begin. Good times now gone. Now most of us are left with "How are you I'm doing fine"s... Sadly, many of us don't even have that much. Was it Mother Theresa that said that the true poverty is loneliness? That and the spiritual vacuum.

So true. I sometimes didn't know what to talk about with old acquaintances either.. Though now that I'm doing the eco projects I'm interested in, I try to find out what they're doing and if they could help or such lol, so it's much more interesting to talk to anyone

Why does the brain find certain scents pleasant?! I was informed just now that the fresh scent of the beach waves are nothing but the emission of certain bacteria.

lol. didn't know that... (I don't fully believe it either, he he.. Who knows though? What about the water herbs/seaweeds and such?)

Good to read your journal.

 

[Dronee]

Hey thanks Feathers for the ideas. I'd just like to say to everyone reading this that I'm very sorry for all my mistakes and shortcomings. My sincere apologies.