Joking around and being smooth!

Richey

Well-known member
Alright so i now have no issue turning up where there are people and talking, its just that i notice everyone else seems to be smooth talkers, especially amongst the younger crew where i work in a restaurant, in fact often its very intimidating to work in that environment, like they know the right time to say something humerous or sarcastic on the spot and its handy to have something to say back that fits, so i feel like behind my back they are more then likely to be calling me boring or something in comparison.

its difficult to explain but once you are in that environment you realise it.
 
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dtrotter

Active member
well, the reason they can do that is because they always in the "FUN MODE", while you are being serious and stiff. I always have that kind of feeling just like you do. What i do is, i ride on their fun vibe and let it affects me.

In short, i will try my best to vibe with them, but in my own rules. I won't try to make jokes to make them laugh, but i'll laugh with them. After all, it's better to have a laugh then standing there thinking whether i am being boring or not.

On the sidenote: Most people are insecure of how they look/act/do, so do rest in peace, everyone is thinking how they look/act/do before they sleep. At the end of the day, no one is thinking of you :)

That's just my opinion, hope it helps you :)
 

Richey

Well-known member
Yeh i laugh with them all the time but its just getting into that fun banter, what i notice is that two people will be laughing about something but if i dont know the underlying content of what they are talking about then its really hard to give input. some people are just very smooth that its almost irritating that people could be that way especially under pressure at work.

I feel like acting school or something outrageous would help me more with spontaniety at work

in an office environment i have more time to be relaxed so my mind is clearer, in a kitchen environment i'm too distracted by everything but some people can still manage alright
 
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Slothrop

Well-known member
It isn't that they know what and when to say something so much as saying it when they think it. Because they are comfortable in the situation, they don't have the overactive mental filter someone with social anxiety has. They don't worry so much about what people will think of what they say, so they say more.

See if that fits with what you observe. If it does, it suggests that the thing you need to work on is removing that filter, so when you do have something to say, you will just say it.

So for one, relax and don't worry about what they might think about you. That's speculative (because you can't read minds) and useless (because you can't change them directly). It's much more useful to think about what you can actually observe (how you and they act), and to work on changing the things that you can directly change (what you think).

Secondly, pay attention to your thoughts and note the times when you could have said something but hesitated. Don't berate yourself for it, just notice it, and notice what you're thinking and what you're afraid of happening that makes you keep your mouth shut. Then when you have some time to think you can ask yourself whether those fears are truly realistic. Most of the time, they aren't. Most of the time, "the worst that could happen" isn't that bad.

I think that if you do this, and focus on getting comfortable with the idea, that you'll find yourself more often having something to say and not feeling that hesitation.
 

northernlight

New member
Because they are comfortable in the situation

Thats it right there, how long have you been working there? I remember I was working in hospitality for 4/5 odd months as well, I could never vibe with my coworkers so was always the quiet one just listening. Thinking back there were a few opportunities to change that but as I felt so comfortable not talking I kept it that way. Coming back with 'something that fits' is all about being in the moment, I think Slothrop's tips to relax are great, I've done similar things with success in the past just relaxing and focusing on what can be observed.
 
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