ITS ALWAYS SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND UPSETTING :(

[misternobody]

Ok, I am sure others reading this also go thru this same stupid problem.

I have no friends,am always alone and so, if I want to go to the store,I of course have to go alone and, it always makes a wreak out of me

Today I went to a store, a store I do not go to often but when I can go, I get all nervous thinking about it cause this place is a music and DVD store and, in past times when I have gone, I get all nervous and stuff because I can never feel comfortable. I like to look at all the DVDs as they get in so many and,I am a movie fan and, this place,the workers seem to always keep an eye on me . it hapens at other stores like at Walmart and target. I look at their DVD selections as well. Read on please.

See, I am always so nervous and, I get all hot and so uncomfortable and, so when I am looking, one of these workers will look at where I am, they will walk to the isle I am in and look at me for a few seconds and, I tell you, this is no fun as ok, I am nervous and I guess it shows and so I must look kinda suspicious as if I am gonna steal and, it bothers me very much and I KNOW this is what they think I am gonna do. And,when this happens I just do not feel to buy anything and so, when I want to leave, I get so very nervous my heart goes so fast and I am trying to think when I should leave as its so hard for me to leave and not buy something as I feel so much like they think I have stolen something and they look at me as I go out the door. And you know, this all bothers me so much for days as I keep-thinking of how they kept watching me and, it just makes me so depressed.

Its like this anywhere I go. and,I truly cannot help the way I look. I cannot go into a store and have a smile on my face as then they will think I am nuts or something. So, I go in with a regular unsmiling face and this makes me look like a thief or something to them and I tell you, this bothers me very, very much.

Now I hope I am not alone with always feeling this way, of all I explained here .

It really bothers me so much what happens to me at the stores and, just once I wish I could be accepted like the others seem to be in the stores. Most who are in the stores are with someone else. I know it would be so much more relaxing if I had a friend and went to the stores as then I would not feel as nervous and uncomfortable as I always am feeling when I am out.

MY LIFE SUCKS TO HIGH HEAVEN!!

 

[kayelle]

misternobody,
I think i have had somewhat of the same problem in the past...I would be going into a pub and be really nervous so then I'd feel like the bouncers are staring at me suspiciously when I was going in. The same in shops, I would go in just to look around and i'd feel so uncomfortable because the security guards would be looking at me. But I think it's a matter of confidence. Not that I have loads of confidence or can speak from experience, but i'm sure the security guards would look at anybody who would come into the shop. You have a perfect right to be there, and if the workers get suspicious of you, that's THEIR problem, and not yours, and they need to get over it!
I just a vicious circle...we feel nervous, so people get suspicious, so then we get more nervous, and then they get more suspicious...and so on! If we find the confidence to try to feel less nervous in the first place, then we can stop all of this happening ourselves!
Woo! I'm all pumped to go to a shop now and stare down some security guards :lol:

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I feel that same exact way when going into stores like that. I'll be doing okay, though still be feeling horribly uncomfortable, til an employee will walk by or look my way. With the employee there, I can't move... I'm too nervous, so I just stand there in the same place. Sometimes I'll hold onto some item I was had, not planning to buy it, wanting to put it back, but not being able to because they're there. Because I look so uncomfortable & nervous, they think I'm going to steal something. I don't really know what to do about it because I don't know how to "act" normal, so I just act like my regular self, & have to deal with their suspicions.

I've even had an employee at a grocery store once tell me that she thought I was there to steal something (she told me that after she finally realized that wasn't the case). I need to go to that grocery store now (it's very near to my house), in fact, but I doubt I will because I hate having to do it.

 

[Slothrop]

I KNOW this is what they think

No you don't. You cannot read minds. You're only guessing based on how you feel about yourself. They could be looking at something else in your general direction, or staring off in to space, or admiring your appearance for all you know. Don't assume the worst.

Think about it from the other side: In the course of a day you may look at dozens or hundreds of people. Would it be fair for each of them to make assumptions about what you think of them? Do you think they'd all be accurate if they did?

Sure, once and a while an employee might look at you with some suspicion, but it isn't just you--they'll look at everybody because it's part of their job to look out for that kind of thing. It doesn't matter much how you look. They probably aren't paying that much attention to you to notice your nervousness. (What is going on in your mind is never as obvious as you think it is. Just like you can't read other people's minds, they can't read yours, either.)

It's also really important that you aren't trying to steal anything. You're a store customer just like anybody else. Even in the very unlikely event that a security or loss prevention person were to stop you based on your appearance, they have no evidence, and nothing will happen to you except perhaps being asked to show the contents of your bag(s) and receipt. It may be uncomfortable and inconvenient, but the truth would come out and you'd have the right to be angry with them for the trouble. Just remember that: even if they think you're stealing, they're wrong.

I should mention, too, that I am not beyond this feeling myself. I go most places on foot and often carry a backpack, which in many stores draws a lot of attention, and usually results in being asked/told either by sign, employee, or rent-a-cop guard to leave my bag up front. It can be embarrassing, and more than a little insulting (Women are allowed to carry enormous handbags while a man can't be trusted with a backpack? WTF?), but I always know that the truth is on my side, and that I have the right to take my business elsewhere if I feel I'm being treated unfairly. It's a very empowering feeling.