Flagmaster
New member
I wasn't very imaginative with the title but it's good enough to relate to this post. First of all, hello all of you. I'm new to the forum, I found it by typing in Google about my sitiuation hoping to find people in the same boat and I did, so I joined it. 
It's going to be a long post but I want to put it all out there because it's pretty nasty keeping it all to yourself. Also...it might help another Googler seeking support.
I guess my problems all started of when I was only 12, when I first started high school I never managed to fit in and I got bullied. I spent evenings after school crying in the bathroom, never wanting to go in and face them people again. My parents soon caught up on this and took me to doctors who diagnosed me with depression and put me on anti-depressants. I used to cry my eyes out in fear every school morning, terrified on going in to such an awful environment...and eventualy stopped going to school for the rest of that year. In that year, I rarely left the house...at all. I got moved to another school in the second year and it was a lot better, but I was put in the lowest set of my year due to missing a year. It was like special education, so I couldent get the same grades my friends could and did get. It was not possible. But I loved the school, i felt happy, secure and i fitted in. I even got a girlfriend - shocker!
Leaving high school, I tried college. It reminded me of my first high school so I left rather quickly to avoid going down the same road. I was scared of the people and I never fitted in or had any friends. Outside of college with poor grades...i tried finding work. I got a part-time job at a retaiL store with a 10 hour a week contact. It made me feel really unhappy at first but I got through the first couple of weeks and actually made a good friend there. I still work there today and it's all I have. It's a very lonely life I lead and I have very little hope of finding any friends. I lost my girlfriend of 18 months as she moved on in life at college and made loads of friends - heartbreak, but fair play. If I'm not working, whcih 5 days out of 7 I'm not...I spend my time watching TV, playing games or walking the dog. I don't have any reason to get out of bed...it makes you feel like a waste of space and so out of touch with life. The few friends I do have all have something to wake up to... I wish I did. It's been a year and a half and i'm still only doing 10 hours. I tried job hunting but I become so scared of rejecting and interactions with strangers...it's strange but probably not so strange to you if you're in this forum. I feel trapped in this lifestyle, and I may only be 17 but it's a constant lifestyle that just won't change. My career is restricted to low-degree jobs in retail and my social life is restricted due to anxiety. So here I am, with a 10 hour per week job, with no social life living at home doing nothing of value pretty much everyday - you ask yourself what is the point. My life has been crushed ever since I was 12, how do I accept it and get used to my worthless life where all I serve is disappointment to my parents and failure to myself? The only thing I can say I want out of life is a family. A loving wife and children to support...even with a low-degree job...i'd be happy. But with anxiety, it restricts me from relationships with anybody...so I can't see it happening. I also believe I am ugly just by the fact I do not fit in...there goes the possibility of the only thing i truly want from life? ehhhh.... *sigh*
Thanks for reading, especially since I usually feel very ignored by everyone.
It's going to be a long post but I want to put it all out there because it's pretty nasty keeping it all to yourself. Also...it might help another Googler seeking support.
I guess my problems all started of when I was only 12, when I first started high school I never managed to fit in and I got bullied. I spent evenings after school crying in the bathroom, never wanting to go in and face them people again. My parents soon caught up on this and took me to doctors who diagnosed me with depression and put me on anti-depressants. I used to cry my eyes out in fear every school morning, terrified on going in to such an awful environment...and eventualy stopped going to school for the rest of that year. In that year, I rarely left the house...at all. I got moved to another school in the second year and it was a lot better, but I was put in the lowest set of my year due to missing a year. It was like special education, so I couldent get the same grades my friends could and did get. It was not possible. But I loved the school, i felt happy, secure and i fitted in. I even got a girlfriend - shocker!
Leaving high school, I tried college. It reminded me of my first high school so I left rather quickly to avoid going down the same road. I was scared of the people and I never fitted in or had any friends. Outside of college with poor grades...i tried finding work. I got a part-time job at a retaiL store with a 10 hour a week contact. It made me feel really unhappy at first but I got through the first couple of weeks and actually made a good friend there. I still work there today and it's all I have. It's a very lonely life I lead and I have very little hope of finding any friends. I lost my girlfriend of 18 months as she moved on in life at college and made loads of friends - heartbreak, but fair play. If I'm not working, whcih 5 days out of 7 I'm not...I spend my time watching TV, playing games or walking the dog. I don't have any reason to get out of bed...it makes you feel like a waste of space and so out of touch with life. The few friends I do have all have something to wake up to... I wish I did. It's been a year and a half and i'm still only doing 10 hours. I tried job hunting but I become so scared of rejecting and interactions with strangers...it's strange but probably not so strange to you if you're in this forum. I feel trapped in this lifestyle, and I may only be 17 but it's a constant lifestyle that just won't change. My career is restricted to low-degree jobs in retail and my social life is restricted due to anxiety. So here I am, with a 10 hour per week job, with no social life living at home doing nothing of value pretty much everyday - you ask yourself what is the point. My life has been crushed ever since I was 12, how do I accept it and get used to my worthless life where all I serve is disappointment to my parents and failure to myself? The only thing I can say I want out of life is a family. A loving wife and children to support...even with a low-degree job...i'd be happy. But with anxiety, it restricts me from relationships with anybody...so I can't see it happening. I also believe I am ugly just by the fact I do not fit in...there goes the possibility of the only thing i truly want from life? ehhhh....
*sigh*Thanks for reading, especially since I usually feel very ignored by everyone.
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