Is the grass REALLY greener??

[Polly_Princess]

I'm getting better. I've started taking 5 HTP and I'm feeling a lot better.

Positive feelings, less compulsions, much happier, HUGE reduction in suicidal thoughts, generally more upbeat e.t.c. ALL this after only 12 days! I can't believe I never did it sooner!

BUT I'm still worried about two things:
1. Feeling so down about myself and so inferior was the driving force behind me becoming an overachiever who performed constantly.Sure, my grades and performance did suffer because of depression, but it was essentially the low self-esteem and inferior thoughts that kept me going. How do I make sure that I continue to be a top performer?

2. I've started becoming a lot more casual with money after being a money hoarder for years. I went on a small spree yesterday and I only felt a little tiny bit guilty. I'm meant to be saving and I don't want to drive myself broke! How should I curb this?

3. To be honest, I really love my pure, virginal, conservative and slightly uptight image and lifestyle...which was born out of my OCD/OCPD beliefs and fears! Before this, I was a silly teenager, who was too impulsive with her actions and read stupid teen magazines which taught me questionable morals. How do I make sure I keep my new lifestyle up? It works much more with my adult responsibilities, my parents LOVE it and it makes me feel better than the old one.

 

[Lea]

I would like to try 5HTP, but we don´t have it in my country . Would be great if I could get at least a bit better because otherwise I don´t cope.

Polly Princess I don´t know what to say to your dilema, maybe if you don´t like how you are now, you can stop taking it. If you don´t mind that you feel miserable again.

 

[Feathers]

Hm, can you make it difficult to spend? eg have money in accounts that are not easily accessible (deposits, bonds, real estate and such?) Only use cash, no credit cards, etc. There are a lot of tips on this online and in books.. Also if you have a really good goal, it may be easier..

You can still have your image & lifestyle.. and if you're a bit happier, only the better - no? You don't have to turn into your opposite or something!! Maybe make a 'budget'/monthly plan for fun and frivolty?

Well, inferior thoughts were also stopping you! If you don't feel driven and motivated anymore, maybe you just need other things to inspire and motivate you?
Check out a book on motivation/inspiration or such.. Or maybe 'compete' with others in your league?

Are you also eating properly? Just supplements and no real food can be too little to sustain your organism & inspiration and motivation long-term!!
(Too little protein can be associated with feeling 'lazy' and such..) I hope you are not using it as 'appetite suppressant' too? And ideally you'd probably learn to find the nutrients in food - eg there's tryptophan in eggs etc.