Is it right?

[Kat]

My mum is understanding sometimes of my condition and then other times she chucks a fit if I don’t do things like go out for lunch with the family. I do a lot of things I can do for my family but sometimes I can’t go out but she acts like I am the most selfishness person in the world just because I don’t want to go out. There has been times that she has disappointed me too and I haven’t put a guilt trip on her because I try and be understanding of the situation. There could be a worse issue she had to deal with I could chose to medicate myself with drugs to control the feelings of social phobia but I don’t she would have a lot to complain about then. I am not perfect but I am not a bad person and I don’t deserve to be given a guilt trip just because it makes me feel horrible and sometimes I just can’t be around people. I am not sure if I should feel this way but I do. I feel guilty for not going but I don’t feel like considering of what good I do, I don’t feel like she should be so angry and negative towards me.

 

[Silvio]

People in general are selfish & they usually hear what they want to hear. If you're telling or doing something they don't like then they either switch off or scream & shout at you through frustration, basically what i'm trying to say is, that you're on you're own with your illness.
From my experience i can tell you that nobody gives a shit, not even family or friends & in the end we just die in our own arms.. It sounds a bit extreme, i know, but that's what it's all gonna boil down too..!!

 

[Fighter86]

Hi Kat, welcome to SPW, I know how you feel as my mom gets that way too with me sometimes. She doesn't understand SA, so when I refuse to go she just puts it down to laziness, which I am sometimes. But what I find more puzzling is why she always forces me to go for family dinners and such. Does your mother mention why she wants you to go all the time? Also sometimes I find the gatherings a little silly because I'll just be sitting around while she talks to our relatives. My mom wouldn't listen to my explanations, but if your mom does, you could try explaining to her the things you have done for her and the family, and show that you have tried to play your role as a daughter. Similarly, do mention you appreciate her understanding towards your SA. I think she will feel somewhat pleased that you have take notice of her efforts.

 

[Kat]

I think you are right. She said she does realizes I do stuff we talked about it since then, it seems to be going ok at the moment but there will always be the occasional frustration from someone. My mum is pretty family orientated. I try to go to some family events but I feel like you, I just sit there and be quiet and feel really awkward around them. They may not care that I just sit there but it is more then likely they don’t understand why I don’t talk or participate as much as everyone else. I don’t feel like it is important that I attend every family get together not every one of my family members attends all the time anyway and it is not made a big deal when they are gone. I just think I am going to have to keep addressing the issue when it comes up, it’s a constant battle all round basically. SP people may think they are weak but they are actually strong because they have to fight a lot of things not just fear.