"Irrational" thoughts that turn out not to be?

[cadaver_]

We all know that social phobics have irrational thoughts about themselves and the world, but have you ever had any of these thoughts turn out to be not so irrational?

When I worked in a kitchen a number of years ago, we had to wear a ball cap at all times (in place of hair nets). I always wore mine the typical way because I thought I would look like I'm "trying" to be cool if I wore it backwards like some of them did. Then one day I thought: "Why do I think I'd stand out if did this? Other guys here wear them backwards. I'm just being irrational about this." Then the day I wore the hat backwards I was immediately made fun of. Someone even said I was trying to look cool - exactly what I thought they would say. So much for irrationality.

And just recently I had a friend who eventually became a f**k buddy. I'm 32, never dated, never had sex, so this was a BIG deal for me. The closest thing to a relationship I've ever had. It was going well but I was haunted by the negative thought that this was too good to be true and was going to end without warning. Again, I thought that this was just me being irrational and forgot about it. Guess what happened? All of a sudden I wasn't getting any e-mails or phone messages returned for weeks. I didn't know why because we never had an argument or a bad word spoken between us. EVER. He's still on MSN from time to time so I know he didn't die or something. Just decided he'd had enough of me I guess. Again, irrational thoughts do come true : (

Anyone have similar experiences with the irrational becoming a reality?

 

[Coper]

On the bright side, if you can see the insult coming in advance, you have time to make up a good comeback for it. :wink: Like, "No! I only turned my collar up to cover the hickey your MOM gave me last night!" ...





... yeah I probably wouldn't have the balls to actually say that either :?

 

[Lexmark]

If you always think negativly ya gonna be write some of the time
As irrational thoughts or emotions go heres one i have that might piss ppl off
I get an excited feeling when the road toll on the paper goes higher than last years..... 8O
Had this for years b4 and after my dad died in a car crash
i know its fuked and i have no idea where it comes from
im sure if i seen someone die in a car crash iw ould be really sad aswell

 

[BreakingFree]

I am sure you have heard of "The Secret". The Law of Attraction? Are you not attracting the things you least want by thinking that it will happen?

 

[Len]

It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have to think positively next time. Yeah I know it's hard.

 

[cadaver_]

I am sure you have heard of "The Secret". The Law of Attraction? Are you not attracting the things you least want by thinking that it will happen?

Sorry, but I think "The Secret" is BS. It became a best seller because people want to believe unproven mumbo jumbo nowadays. I'll just stick to reality.

 

[di_L82]

Some of mine thoughts : D

First of all I just want to say hello I am a new user of this forum. I have had social anxiety since high school, but have in the last year made a lot of progress. This has mostly happened through cognitive therapy.

I have a few questions to your thoughts. Does it necessarily mean that just because some thoughts turn out to be right that they are right?
With your example what you are saying that as far as I can see (correct me if I am wrong): people making fun of you = denial from the group? Could it not be that they are just making fun with you as they are with each other? And that this actually could be a positive thing? The irrationality in your thoughts is not that people will react if you do something, but that this reaction is not necessarily bad.

I think with you f*** budy :wink: the same kind of thought is happening again. This is too good to be true -> turns out to be too good -> it was too good. In this case it seems like the thought was correct even though it seems irrational. But again it’s not irrational to think that a relationship to a person might end. It is however irrational to think that it always will (black and white thinking).

I find the best way to act to other people is not to try and please them by second guessing what they will do if I do something (reflective thoughts). It is to be myself because in order for me to find some people that I will get some genuine pleasure out of being with will be people that can see me as I am. Would it be great if everyone at work praised you all the time if you constantly had to put on an act to please them?

 

[Coper]

When I first saw this thread, I couldn't think of an example of when I've experienced this sort of thing, but I just remembered one: After my junior year of high school, I went to a summer program at an art school. I was staying in a dorm with a bunch of other students in the program. I had fun playing a card game with this one girl, and I remember that from the way she looked at me either then or the next time I saw her, I suspected she was attracted to me. I wasn't interested in her at all, though, (she was VERY unattractive physically) so I started ducking her. This left me feeling anxious that a) she liked me and b) she knew I was ducking her.

I got through most of the rest of the program without interacting with her again, so I thought I was in the clear, but on one of the last days of the program, she found me alone in one of the dorm's common rooms. She said something like "If I sit next to you will you run away again?" I just froze and didn't know what to do at that point, so I just said "no" like I didn't know what she was talking about. Then I closed my eyes and leaned over like I was taking a nap, in the hopes that she would leave me alone (playing possum! the conflict-avoidance strategy of last resort for the truly pathetic ). Instead, after a while, she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, and then I guess she ran away, because I don't remember interacting any further with her. What I really hated about the situation was not so much that she had unrequited feelings for me, but rather that she had been fully aware of my lame attempts to avoid dealing with the situation.

Incidentally, this story means that, while I haven't ever kissed a girl, I have been kissed by a girl, although, considering the circumstances, I wish I hadn't.

 

[Weirdo]

Come on Coper, she couldn't be THAT unattractive...If a girl wanted me so bad, I'd go for it no matter how bad she looks like.

 

[Argamemnon]

My "irrational" thoughts usually turn out to be very rational. When I think "I will probably screw this up", or "I can't do this", I'm almost always right and that is what happens. So, what exactly is irrational about these thoughts?

 

[klytus]

Heh, and it has not occurred to you that you might create the failure yourself by predicting it? Given that your enthusiasm about making things in a correct fashion depends on your personal stance on the matter, awaiting an eventual failure could lower your enthusiasm and thus your commitment. I know that when I convince myself that something will not work, no matter what I do, I am no longer willing to do anything for it. Therefore it becomes true what I predict. Not because the prediction was right. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

[sabbath9]

"Irrational" thoughts is CBT mumbo jumbo. Thoughts are just thoughts. Either they are helpful or they aren't. In ACT we don't judge, correct or debate thoughts. Actions are really where the rubber meets the road.

 

[Argamemnon]

That is not the case, because I know exactly what I'm bad at. Yesterday, I drove my mother to the hospital for example, and completely lost my way. I had to drive about 1.5 hours before I could return home. It's not the first time that this has happened to me. I can never find places and always lose my way. I can't remember streets or buildings, even if I've been there many times before.

 

[Argamemnon]

"Irrational" thoughts is CBT mumbo jumbo. Thoughts are just thoughts. Either they are helpful or they aren't. In ACT we don't judge, correct or debate thoughts. Actions are really where the rubber meets the road.

I understand that you don't try to change your thoughts in ACT, but don't you "stop" automatic negative thoughts either?

 

[sabbath9]

I understand that you don't try to change your thoughts in ACT, but do you stop automatic negative thoughts?

no, you can't stop your thoughts, but you can distance yourself from these thoughts, u can observe them and make room for them, in ACT it's called defusion, separating yourself from your thoughts

 

[Argamemnon]

no, you can't stop your thoughts, but you can distance yourself from these thoughts, u can observe them and make room for them, in ACT it's called defusion, separating yourself from your thoughts

sounds plausible but hard to do.