Introduction

[WiKKiD]

Hello Anyone.
This is my first thread and introduction.
I have read many threads and finally I feel it is time to introduce myself and join in and talk to others about life and problems and hopefully work passed them.
I have been struggling with depression for about 10 years now. Life has been a huge roller coaster for me of up's and down's. Recently through I am struggling and having a hard time dealing with my life. I understand there are a lot of people in the world worse off then I am but pain is pain regardless of what type it is, and I am close to giving up. I seem to have all sorts of anxieties, depression and horrible self esteem. I am not sure why I have low self esteem or any of those other problems but I just cant stand looking at myself in the minor and I get bad anxiety whenever anyone tries to befriend me or even talk. It is weird because I am not a bad looking guy and I have always had girlfriends and quite of friends but this depression has slowly destroyed all of my relationships, including my current 5 year one with my girlfriend. I recently lost my job making great money due to a lay off and yesterday my car broke down. These are materialistic things but they were kind of the icing on the cake. Basically I need help finding out how to accept myself for who I am and how to change my negative thinking.. right now I feel confused and trapped! All I want to do is sleep and drink beer, I would go see a counselor but they cost far to much money for me right now. What do I do, what is a good start?::

 

[SotiCoto]

Excuse me for waxing a bit whimsical ... but I can't help but chuckle whenever someone says "struggling with depression" ... mostly because that exact turn of phrase keeps turning up... verbatim. All sorts of alternative words for what the person wants to say, but they usually settle for the same one. Personally I tend to twitch with depression, squirm with depression... and occasionally vomit with depression when nobody is looking and the stress has got too much.

... So yeah. Just... y'know... toying with the meta and all that.


Anyway... "giving up" is harder than you might reckon.
And I've been explicitly told not to advise people how to give up more easily.

So.... um....

All I can advise is: Make the most of the little moments when it isn't quite so awful.
There isn't any magical fix for the depressions... (or else I'd have used it long ago and wouldn't even be here)... but that doesn't mean that all of existence is equally awful.
Yeah, crappy advice, I know ... but only an optimist believes all problems have solutions, and optimists are usually wrong. As a pragmatist I'll just tell you to work out what you have that you actually appreciate having... and make the most of it.

 

[Flanscho]

Hi Wikkid.

Welcome. And I hope that things will improve for you over time.

So far, I can only give you these bits of advice:
First, comparing yourself with people in other situations who might be better or worse of rarely makes much sense, in my opinion, since we are all different and react differently to all kinds of experiences we made. For some people, not being invited to a party, for example, is one of the worst things that can happen to them, and they will cry or be frustrated or angry, while for others, such things are completly irrelevant. But does that make their frustration and sadness any less real? You can't compare such emotions and reactions.
What I do every now and then instead is pondering what certain friends of mine what do if they'd be in my situation, and whether their actions would make more sense than mine. And if they do, I try to do what they would.

I'd also be careful with the beer drinking. Sure, every now and then doesn't hurt, but paired with depression and unemployment, it can quickly escalate, and then getting back to a life you can enjoy will be much more difficulty. I was unemployed too for the past few months. I tried to do the best with the free time I had. Learn new things, get stuff done I had on my to do list for so long.

optimists are usually wrong.

No more often wrong than pessimists.

 

[WiKKiD]

Thank you for replying to my thread, your answer was kind of funny but agreeable and any comment is much appreciated. I find it hard to put the right words into a sentence to explain exactly how I feel. That is a big problem for me, even if I went to a counselor or had any kind help I would have a difficult time explaining anything. I agree that I need to find a way to enjoy the little things though and not expect so much from life. It is just hard to see all of these people around me so happy and I ask myself why do they seem to have it so easy.. I guess life just isn't fair and we have to roll with the punches right?

 

[WiKKiD]

Thank you very much Flanscho! Great reply and I agree one hundred percent. I don't know why I compare myself to everyone and feel such jealously towards others that may seem to have it better than I do, A lot of my thinking confuses the shit out of me and turns into more confusion because I tend to always be over thinking a such a high rate. As for drinking I agree, but I have problems communicating with others when my anxiety is flaring up.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[WiKKiD]

Hi, thank you.

 

[neardeath]

Hey WikKid, & welcome to the forum!

I passed a few liquor stores today and had a strong urge to kill the pain, but I drove right by. The stuff makes me sick and remorseful every time, even if I don't do anything but drink it.

Hang in there, and at least consider giving yourself a break on the alcohol.

 

[SotiCoto]

Thank you for replying to my thread, your answer was kind of funny but agreeable and any comment is much appreciated. I find it hard to put the right words into a sentence to explain exactly how I feel. That is a big problem for me, even if I went to a counselor or had any kind help I would have a difficult time explaining anything. I agree that I need to find a way to enjoy the little things though and not expect so much from life. It is just hard to see all of these people around me so happy and I ask myself why do they seem to have it so easy.. I guess life just isn't fair and we have to roll with the punches right?

Pretty much.
There is no point being in it to win. Life isn't a race you can win... and folks on the depressed side of things can't even rank. But that needn't be what it is about. That sense of overall failure comes from having one's notion of success grounded in the impossible... and having unrealistic ideas about possibility doesn't help either.

Stick with small things.
Eat some nice food. Have some nice dreams. Smell a flower now and again, then laugh at the clichéd nature of it. And when the depression hits you hard, remind yourself that it is just brain-chemicals aggroing you from the inside. That is pretty much all there is to it.

 

[WiKKiD]

Thanks neardeath, I feel the same! I think I'll try taking a break, it is hard though..

And I agree Soticoto, I need to try and enjoy the simple things, but it will take time.