In a nutshell, how does SA affect your life?

[conker51]

My anxiety causes problems in work, and in social situations even with people that I have known for years, except for my very closest friends.

I am mostly silent around people I don't know and am unable to joke around with people (especially at work). This leads to a lot of problems at work, specifically, that people think I am not a team player and that I am either upset or not friendly.

I'm not sure if it is anxiety, but a lot of the time it feels as if I have nothing to say to people.

I get extremely nervous in meetings and am unable to comfortably talk in meetings without getting extremely nervous/flustered; this is a double-whammy because (a) I never say anything in meetings because I am too nervous about being judged (b)when I have to talk my words come out all jumbled and I'm unable to focus on any ideas because I am overcome with anxiety

I also get nervous when I am talking to anyone in authority or any situation in which I have to walk into a room or walk past a group of 3 or more people.

Do one or all of these situations seem familiar to anyone?

 

[SilentType]

Welcome to the forum. You've found a place where there's tons of people just like you. I can relate with all of your symptoms.

Peace

 

[conker51]

thanks

 

[Depressed4life]

..

I know exactly how you feel. Also welcome to the forum.
The same thing happens to me but in school. I can't get a job because i haev no energy and i don't like being outside of the house. In school i never participate because i think so much of the words that when i say them, i sound stupid. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

 

[conker51]

Re: ..

I know exactly how you feel. Also welcome to the forum.
The same thing happens to me but in school. I can't get a job because i haev no energy and i don't like being outside of the house. In school i never participate because i think so much of the words that when i say them, i sound stupid. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

I was the exact same way in school but I was able to get by without participating. When I graduated college and had to get a real job, the socially heavy aspect of most jobs was very overwhelming.

Thanks for the welcome guys

 

[LonelyGirl]

Welcome to the forum. I know how you feel, I have the same problems. Except for talking to people in authority. To me all people are equally scary regardless of their level of authority.

 

[BreakingFree]

How does SP affect your life

I have the exact same experiences. You are definitely not alone. At work, I expect to be fired or moved out of the branch at any moment, for not being a team player.

On the positive side, you have close friends. Value them, for some of us do not have friends, never had and don't I wish!

 

[conker51]

Re: How does SP affect your life

I have the exact same experiences. You are definitely not alone. At work, I expect to be fired or moved out of the branch at any moment, for not being a team player.

On the positive side, you have close friends. Value them, for some of us do not have friends, never had and don't I wish!

Yeah, the only reason I have friends is because of my friend that I met in 1st grade. Practically every friend I've had since then I've met through him. And even then, I don't really talk to them too much until they've been around for a year or two

 

[Infected_Malignity]

it pretty much just makes me feel really self conscious... haha. in fact it's not even complicated in the slightest. it's just that sometimes i feel really bummed out about myself and i never seem to know why.

it seems that if you keep it all inside and secretive, it almost makes it worse! it's so weird how when i stopped trying so hard to get over it, i actually found myself struggling less with the whole process. you can't get through it with brute force!

so now i'm just walking on level ground... which feels pretty a-ok. i'm not trying to conquer it, yet i'm also not really sinking too low. am i still self conscious? you better believe it! but i'm at least able to admit this shit now and i feel like weight's been lifted. i don't even care if i stay this way forever, it's better than struggling. life's got up and downs... business as usual.

 

[scissorhands]

i relate to everything here as well.

 

[nhen]

This is a hierarchy of people I can't deal with at work.

1. Managers/Supervisors
2. Co-workers
3. Customers

One is the hardest, three is the easiest. I totally relate to the way you feel, Conker.

For me, it's the expectation to perform well or develop friendships that overwhelms me. A lot of people here say to just push though it, but I don't think that's the answer. Yes, there are times when you just need to face your fear and "do it" anyway, but the mind and body start acting funny if you make them do things they don't want to do. I was suffering through a very socially overwhelming job a few months ago and literally thought I was going crazy. I don't get many of the physical symptoms that others do (dizziness, headaches, vomitting), but my midn starts playing tricks on me, so sometimes pushing through it isn't the answer. And if you're like me, it gets worse as time passes in the same environment.

As far as friends go, it dawned on me a while back that I've never been able to make and keep a friend relying solely on my own social skills. All my friends have either been family members, friends of family members, roommates, or friends of roommates. I've never just gone out and made a friend. I can think of two exceptions: One kept on stealing my bike, and somehow that blossomed into a friendship; the other just asked me to come over to his house once, which I agreed to in utter shock.

High school was hard, so hard, in fact, that I dropped out in 10th grade and had to finish later. University wasn't so bad since you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to, bullies just look like total dicks, and professors couldn't care less if you show-up/complete assignments. The main things I suffer with these days are church and work. I can manage church (sorta), and it's easy enough to skip if you don't want to go. Work, unfortunately, is something I've never gotten a handle on. The social pressures always completely overwhelm me (much sooner if there are a lot of supervisors and co-workers around), and eventually I just crash and burn.

 

[dottie]

it prevents me from reaching my potential.

 

[conker51]

This is a hierarchy of people I can't deal with at work.

1. Managers/Supervisors
2. Co-workers
3. Customers

One is the hardest, three is the easiest. I totally relate to the way you feel, Conker.

For me, it's the expectation to perform well or develop friendships that overwhelms me. A lot of people here say to just push though it, but I don't think that's the answer. Yes, there are times when you just need to face your fear and "do it" anyway, but the mind and body start acting funny if you make them do things they don't want to do. I was suffering through a very socially overwhelming job a few months ago and literally thought I was going crazy. I don't get many of the physical symptoms that others do (dizziness, headaches, vomitting), but my midn starts playing tricks on me, so sometimes pushing through it isn't the answer. And if you're like me, it gets worse as time passes in the same environment.

As far as friends go, it dawned on me a while back that I've never been able to make and keep a friend relying solely on my own social skills. All my friends have either been family members, friends of family members, roommates, or friends of roommates. I've never just gone out and made a friend. I can think of two exceptions: One kept on stealing my bike, and somehow that blossomed into a friendship; the other just asked me to come over to his house once, which I agreed to in utter shock.

High school was hard, so hard, in fact, that I dropped out in 10th grade and had to finish later. University wasn't so bad since you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to, bullies just look like total dicks, and professors couldn't care less if you show-up/complete assignments. The main things I suffer with these days are church and work. I can manage church (sorta), and it's easy enough to skip if you don't want to go. Work, unfortunately, is something I've never gotten a handle on. The social pressures always completely overwhelm me (much sooner if there are a lot of supervisors and co-workers around), and eventually I just crash and burn.

Yeah work is definitely the hardest for me because you have to deal with a lot of customers (which is the worst for me), travel a lot and attend these large meetings in Europe. I can't even attend meetings with like 3 or 4 other people.

 

[tommydog]

It stops me from thinking big goals. It stops me from persuing all the great things I imagine. It stops me from bieng able to make good relationships at work and keep my job very long. It stops me from getting married and having a family as I tend to start having trouble in my relationships before very long.

 

[abbylee]

Hello. This is my first post as i just joined tonight. I would have to say that in a nut shell, my SA has really affected me most in school, work, and with guys. I am lucky and grateful for great friends and family, however SA has for the past 10 years really held me back. I'm embarrassed to say this but this is something I have been struggling with since around 7th or 8th grade. I am now almost 32. I will talk more about what I have done to try to help myself since then on another post, but for this post I would just like to get this off my chest. This SA has just made certain parts of my life seem torturous. I remember in high school having serious eye twitches b/c I would get so nervous about this guy I had a crush on. I would DREAD being called on in class or asked to write something on the boards. I am talking pure torture. Like butterflies in your stomach times 1,000. It was made so much worse when people made fun of me for blushing. I am still so self conscious about that. I started drinking a lot in HS and was a "party girl". I found that alcohol really helped. Not so much anymore, b/c the anxiety that now comes with my hangovers is unbearable so I dont drink too much anymore. But I sure did in college. I failed English in college b/c I couldn't do my presentation. It was half our grade, so I failed. I luckily was able to find another English class where I didn't have to give a presentation. I dont want to write a book here, but I would just like to say that this "DISEASE" is awful. It's terrible. But I am going to overcome it. We all can and will if we really truely want to. I am at the point in my life right now where i have GOT to do something about this. Im 32 and in the interview process and it has been a nightmare. My SA is soooooooo totally work & school related and ohhh yeah the authority figures. I have always been terrified of talking to my bosses. Ohhhh boy... I could go on. I have a lot to share but I dont want to make my first post too long Happy to be here....it's a comfort to see that I am not alone in this struggle.

 

[scorpion]

Iam not sure i have this SA because i have never seen a doctor about it, and i work whith them, but for all that i have read i believe its the rigth diagnosis.
Lately life its just a big torture.
Geting out of bed has become a huge strugle. I avoid every one and every social situation i can.
Going to work is becoming painful, leaving the house is becoming painful, talking to people is even more painful.
Time is going by me and things only get whorts.
Every situation that forces me to be in the presence of stangers its like beeing cut by 100 knives. I count the minutes until its over.
My life is just a big teather in wich i perform a role where i try to look normal, act normal but at home the reality of how i am hits me like a bulet

 

[IWouldPreferNotTo]

I almost never date.
I have a hard time finding friends.
I avoid parties because I get to anxious at them I have to leave.
I can't use the bathroom in front of other people.

 

[abbylee]

It was awful tonight. AWFUL. I am working this stupid temp job at night from 5-9, so I can keep my days open for interviews. Well, I am uncomfortable enough being there but to add to the torture, I am yelled at time after time because Im doing stuff wrong. NOt only am I yelled at, I am yelled at in front of the clients who come in to get there taxes done. I get called into his little office while his clients are sitting there staring at me and he yells at me about what I did wrong. Such a complete AHOLE, I cant take it anymore. I feel so stupid and imcompetent. I can feel the people staring at me and feeling bad for me and embarrasseed for me. I get beat red and so flustered I cant even speak. After this episode tonight, I ran out of there to the bathroom and cried. I am calling the temp agency tomorrow and telling them that I am uncomfortable working in that kind of unprofessional environment where I am humiliated. I know that part of it is my SA, but this is the kind of job that is toxic for someone like me. Thanks for listening.

 

[alter_ego]

It was awful tonight. AWFUL. I am working this stupid temp job at night from 5-9, so I can keep my days open for interviews. Well, I am uncomfortable enough being there but to add to the torture, I am yelled at time after time because Im doing stuff wrong. NOt only am I yelled at, I am yelled at in front of the clients who come in to get there taxes done. I get called into his little office while his clients are sitting there staring at me and he yells at me about what I did wrong. Such a complete AHOLE, I cant take it anymore. I feel so stupid and imcompetent. I can feel the people staring at me and feeling bad for me and embarrasseed for me. I get beat red and so flustered I cant even speak. After this episode tonight, I ran out of there to the bathroom and cried. I am calling the temp agency tomorrow and telling them that I am uncomfortable working in that kind of unprofessional environment where I am humiliated. I know that part of it is my SA, but this is the kind of job that is toxic for someone like me. Thanks for listening.

No, it is NOT part of your SA. Anyone would feel the same. Don't put yourself down. I got so angry when I read your post but the person I am angry with is your so-called supervisor/manager, whatever the hell this jumped-up little jerk likes to call himself. This is the person who has the problem, NOT YOU.

You have no reason whatsoever to feel it's your fault (as you seem to be doing). Any student is only as good as their teacher, and his training is woefully inadequate. He is incompetent and covers his incompetency by yelling at co-workers (common trick of the incompetent). You are doing the right thing by leaving that job, you deserve far better than that.

Good luck with whatever happens.

 

[abbylee]

It was awful tonight. AWFUL. I am working this stupid temp job at night from 5-9, so I can keep my days open for interviews. Well, I am uncomfortable enough being there but to add to the torture, I am yelled at time after time because Im doing stuff wrong. NOt only am I yelled at, I am yelled at in front of the clients who come in to get there taxes done. I get called into his little office while his clients are sitting there staring at me and he yells at me about what I did wrong. Such a complete AHOLE, I cant take it anymore. I feel so stupid and imcompetent. I can feel the people staring at me and feeling bad for me and embarrasseed for me. I get beat red and so flustered I cant even speak. After this episode tonight, I ran out of there to the bathroom and cried. I am calling the temp agency tomorrow and telling them that I am uncomfortable working in that kind of unprofessional environment where I am humiliated. I know that part of it is my SA, but this is the kind of job that is toxic for someone like me. Thanks for listening.

No, it is NOT part of your SA. Anyone would feel the same. Don't put yourself down. I got so angry when I read your post but the person I am angry with is your so-called supervisor/manager, whatever the hell this jumped-up little jerk likes to call himself. This is the person who has the problem, NOT YOU.

You have no reason whatsoever to feel it's your fault (as you seem to be doing). Any student is only as good as their teacher, and his training is woefully inadequate. He is incompetent and covers his incompetency by yelling at co-workers (common trick of the incompetent). You are doing the right thing by leaving that job, you deserve far better than that.

Good luck with whatever happens.

Alter Ego: Thank you SO MUCH for your response and support!! And the part about "jumped up little jerk" made me laugh. That's exactly what he is!