I'm Taking Control

xBONESstyle

xBONESstyle

Member
Hey. I'm new here.

I won't spend too much time going over how I suffer Agoraphobia, since we all know how awful and debilitating it can get. Just that I'm 25, living housebound off of my mom, and am regularly frantic over how my life is gone to waste.

But today I'm going to start salvaging what potential I have left, and do everything in my power to make a new life for myself where I can wake up and feel valuable, loved, and in control. I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to manage it, but I'll be reading, thinking, and most importantly acting whenever I'm unsure of my next step. If it's okay with you guys, I'll come back and share my experiences / ideas / encouragement. Not to make use this place for my own mental masturbation, just... I'm gonna commit to this, and if it works, I'd like to try to help out, jookno?

Here's a crude plan:
--Stay OFF the internet today after I finish this post. [it's a big enabler for me]
--Take my dog for a walk.
--Shave my out-of-control beard, and work on ways to get myself a positive self-image.
--Read at least one self-help article / book / etc. Keep the ideas going.
--Keep finding ways of improving.

Also, I'm up for any input anyone else has to offer. :]
 
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Silvio

Well-known member
I was just about to post some real valuable input, but then i read you're gonna be off-line, so i didn't bother..!!
 
SilentType

SilentType

Banned
He's not gonna be offline forever, so just leave a suggestion for this guy I can't wait to see if this dude can turn his life into a success for himself *PM me I'm taking bets now* lol JK!! While we're on the subject I'd like to offer a suggestion of my own. You don't have to stay completely offline, just limit yourself to 1 hour per day or something. Also, do you exercise? This is something else that could make you feel much better about yourself. If you already exercise, then good for you.

All of us that have suffered from SP over a period have been thinking about doing this. This thread can be something great for all of us. The first step in healing is learning to feel good about yourself. If you can't love yourself then nobody else can love you either. It's a sad predicament that we're all in but this is our chance to do what xBONESstyle is trying to do and make something of our lives once and for all. Not for anybody else, but for ourselves. Start posting ways that you know that you could make your life better. For instance, being able to keep a job (especially a job that you enjoy), exercising and eating right, having a few hobbies to fill the gaps in your days, people to share time with that you enjoy being with (if you don't have anybody then my advice is to volunteer someplace where you can share your time with good people).

Any more suggestions? POST THEM!!!


Peace
 
xBONESstyle

xBONESstyle

Member
Today was fairly successful. I took my dog for that walk as soon as I finished my post here, it was just around the block, but I didn't let any indecision come into my mind about it. I could feel the doubt, but I didn't let myself think it.

The hardest thing was staying off the internet, though. I did dishes, worked in my backyard, cooked, spent time with my mom [something I've been neglecting for a long time], emptied out my room to remodel it. Anything instead of giving in and going on the computer, because I know if I do that, I'll let the whole day pass me by. It might sound like I only did one thing to face my agoraphobia today, but more importantly I cut out my enabler and I spent a day without being placated by a bright screen.

Tomorrow I'm going out twice: Once to walk my dog somewhere else, further than just a block, and once to pick up stuff to work on my guitar with.

I started doing this thing to help me stop making excuses to get on the internet, because I REALLY wanted to finish whatever I was doing at any moment and get back on: Whenever I think of something I want to check, I write it down to check out later. It doesn't take the urge away or anything, but it does help me reason that I won't forget if I put it off for later. It might also work on a couple of other situations. I dunno. I'll have to see in the long run.

@ Silvio
Hah. Fair enough. :p

@ SilentType
I don't excersize yet, but that is a good idea. I'm gonna be working on my appearance, if only to look in the mirror and be able to see someone who's changing for the better. I haven't really thought about it, though. I guess I'll look up excersize techniques soon.

Getting / holding down a job is one of my near-future goals, and probably the single most scary one there is for me. It'll probably be tough to convince someone to give a 25 year old with no degree in anything, and no job experience a shot, let alone one who's anxious around people. On the bright side, I'll learn how to make a hard sell.

Also, put me down for $50. :]
 
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Silvio

Well-known member
What is wrong with being On-Line for more than an hour each day..??

I spend almost all day staring into my Laptop..
 
SilentType

SilentType

Banned
Silvio,

Haven't you thought about what BONES started this post about. He said that his computer was a huge enabler for his social phobia. This is a very good thing for us SPers to realize. If we allow ourselves to surf the internet all day not accomplishing anything, then we are letting our social phobia bring us down. We have to do things to combat our urge of spending the day on the internet and instead fight our SP and do things that will actually help us to get past this debilitating problem. I've been trying to get around it for years but I always end up back in front of a glowing screen (laptop, tv, video games, etc...).


BONES,
Sounds like you're on the right path man keep up the good work. If you keep your sights set on winning this battle then there is no reason that you shouldn't make your goal a reality.


Peace
 
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Silvio

Well-known member
O.K, lets go to your way of thinking.. I'll get up at 6am, go to a Job which i despise, grovel to some cunt who's my Boss & i can't stand.. Dedicate 10 hours a day of my life to these pricks & continue to do this for the rest of my working life & then die...... or i can get up at around 1pm, smoke a joint, turn on my PC, chill out & do whatever the fuck i wanna do until whenever..
So what if i don't go out & mix with the real world..... People are just hassle anyway..
 
SilentType

SilentType

Banned
Haha wow Silvio you don't know me at all. My life is actually quite similar to the one that you describe. I don't have a job either, man, and I never meant to cause you to get upset. I guess I was just defending the guy that started the thread.

Peace
 
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Silvio

Well-known member
Hey ST, i'm not upset.. You can call my mother a Crack-whore for all i care, i never get upset... it's just fingertips & keyboards Dude.
I'm also not disagreeing with the guy that started this thread, i just think that it's not the end of the world to be On-Line for a few hours a day..
I was in Oxford street today & i was just watching all these people buying crap from Ralph Lauren & Selfridges all on their credit card just so they can look cool & groovy..
These idiots have a bigger problem than anyone on this board.. They get in debt & stroll around with a fashionable paper-bag to make an impression that they are trendy, wealthy & successful, when in reality they are dreaming & totally untrue to themselves..
Unlike me.. i don't care what anyone thinks of me, hate me or love me it doesn't matter because i know where i'm at..
 
xBONESstyle

xBONESstyle

Member
Quick update: Went out twice. But overall it was kind of rough, especially for only being two days in. It's kinda hard to be proud of myself at this point, because I'm already so far behind my expectations for myself.

But I can't let it get to me. Tomorrow I'm gonna shave up and ask for one job application. Also, less sitting around feeling sorry for myself.

PS: Silvio is a crack-whore. :p
 
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Silvio

Well-known member
I've never smoked Crack in my life.. I do around 3-4 grammes of Coke daily though & drink maybe a case of beer every 2 days.
 
xBONESstyle

xBONESstyle

Member
I tried making an update again today. I guess I don't really gotta do this every day. But basically, I'm pretty overwhelmed with all this change. Overwhelmed is an improvement from dispair, though. I'll try to have something interesting to report back on monday.

SilentType. Dood. You could set some goals for yourself, too, whenever you feel like you can tackle it. :wink:

Sulvio. You're not a crack-whore. I was just kidding bebe... But you CAN afford a lot more blow than me.
 
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Silvio

Well-known member
That is because i recieved almost £100K ($200K) in criminal compensation for injuries suffered. So i paid off the rest of my mortgage & partied with the rest..!!
It has it's ups & downs.. Sometimes i feel like shit for days after a heavy session, but i do get to sleep wth lots of bitches.. That's the 1 thing women love more than money, clothes shopping or even their childen & that's Coke.
 
Sen

Sen

Member
Lol, silvio do you never get that feeling that you want to do something with your life? You've got one shot at life and you're sat in front of a screen. If you ask me that's pretty low.
Dunno about everyone else on here, but even if I've got this phobia, I want to go out and do things. I went and sat in a ferrari 360 spyder yesterday, one day I want to own one. That's a goal I want to reach.
Do you not have any goals? Or are your goals just to sit around all day?
 
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