Blumentopf
Member
Hi guys
I wanted to post a thread about my story of my problems with SA and the progress of getting out of SA because I really want people to get out of this, too. It's horrible to live with it each day and the loneliness was killing me. It made me feel weak and worthless every day. I did many attempts of getting out of it: changing clothing style, overcoming shyness and be more open to strangers, focusing on my communication/conversation skills and much more.
Nothing seems to help, and I still am very hypersensitive to people's reaction when I say or do something. People still think I'm weird. I started to lose my personality until I did and still do not know who the heck I am, what I want! It's horrible! To live without.. an own identity.
One day, however, I felt something I never wanted to feel again. Emptiness. I rather would injure myself physically. Or even mentally or something. At least there's a feeling. But emptiness.. my confidence, self-esteem, my idendity was like VANISHED on that one day. I just sat there on my bed, looking out of the window, and frustration slowly becomes appearent to me. I started to cry.
I think after that day, that I never wanted to re-experience again, I went with the Screw-you-all attitude to school (I'm 17 ) and started to be more optimistic. I said to myself: It's only high school. One more year and ur outta here! And I'm gonna find myself.. JUst keep looking, keep searching. I think Optimism and hope is the key of my healing process. But remember not to have high expectations because at the end you'll get disappointed and don't want to go on. I try not to take rejections to close to my heart. I found my solace in music because it influence me so much (i'm a very emotional person ). What I also started to do, is to become a better sister, daughter and friend. I don't have a lot of friends but I wanted to show them how I care and appreciate them. U'll see how ur friends will make u feel so much more comfortable in ur own skin. I spend more time with them etc. I generally also just focused on myself and did sport like running and stuff.
Please believe me when I say, that those stuffs did not come easily to me. Its really took me MONTHS to become better with myself. I gave up a lot, slipped in depressions many times. It took me a long time NOT to care about people anmore (which was the HARDEST part because I do a lot and still do sometimes) but after those times I get up again and keep doing good stuffs to my family, friends and myself and I suddenly feel better. It influenced how I interact with people too. People started to like my weirdness, my different nature. I still have troubles with some though.
Soo.. All I want to say is
Please don't give up. Keep it going. Keep trying to get out of SA. You gotta find a way to distract yourself, to make you feel better. I get still super nervous with PEOPLE. But if you don't CARE about them, it'll go away. If you just don't care, be optimistic, have dreams(!), then everything will be fine! Everything will be fine at the end! That's what I strongly strongly believe, because if I would not believe in this, getting out of SA would seem to be impossible and I would not even try to get out of it. What then? A life full of so many tiring fights against the "people"? Unhappiness and Depression?
No Thanks!
I'd be immensely happy if these words will come through some minds. >< I really needed to write about it because it feels like a closure or something. I wanted to write this because this are the words I needed to hear when I was desperate and frustrated and depressed. I gained confidence and self-esteem. I'm trying to find myself. I start to get out of SA. I feel it. I hope you feel it too.
Have a nice day y'all!
the still confused, but optimistic
Blumentopf
I wanted to post a thread about my story of my problems with SA and the progress of getting out of SA because I really want people to get out of this, too. It's horrible to live with it each day and the loneliness was killing me. It made me feel weak and worthless every day. I did many attempts of getting out of it: changing clothing style, overcoming shyness and be more open to strangers, focusing on my communication/conversation skills and much more.
Nothing seems to help, and I still am very hypersensitive to people's reaction when I say or do something. People still think I'm weird. I started to lose my personality until I did and still do not know who the heck I am, what I want! It's horrible! To live without.. an own identity.
One day, however, I felt something I never wanted to feel again. Emptiness. I rather would injure myself physically. Or even mentally or something. At least there's a feeling. But emptiness.. my confidence, self-esteem, my idendity was like VANISHED on that one day. I just sat there on my bed, looking out of the window, and frustration slowly becomes appearent to me. I started to cry.
I think after that day, that I never wanted to re-experience again, I went with the Screw-you-all attitude to school (I'm 17 ) and started to be more optimistic. I said to myself: It's only high school. One more year and ur outta here! And I'm gonna find myself.. JUst keep looking, keep searching. I think Optimism and hope is the key of my healing process. But remember not to have high expectations because at the end you'll get disappointed and don't want to go on. I try not to take rejections to close to my heart. I found my solace in music because it influence me so much (i'm a very emotional person ). What I also started to do, is to become a better sister, daughter and friend. I don't have a lot of friends but I wanted to show them how I care and appreciate them. U'll see how ur friends will make u feel so much more comfortable in ur own skin. I spend more time with them etc. I generally also just focused on myself and did sport like running and stuff.
Please believe me when I say, that those stuffs did not come easily to me. Its really took me MONTHS to become better with myself. I gave up a lot, slipped in depressions many times. It took me a long time NOT to care about people anmore (which was the HARDEST part because I do a lot and still do sometimes) but after those times I get up again and keep doing good stuffs to my family, friends and myself and I suddenly feel better. It influenced how I interact with people too. People started to like my weirdness, my different nature. I still have troubles with some though.
Soo.. All I want to say is
Please don't give up. Keep it going. Keep trying to get out of SA. You gotta find a way to distract yourself, to make you feel better. I get still super nervous with PEOPLE. But if you don't CARE about them, it'll go away. If you just don't care, be optimistic, have dreams(!), then everything will be fine! Everything will be fine at the end! That's what I strongly strongly believe, because if I would not believe in this, getting out of SA would seem to be impossible and I would not even try to get out of it. What then? A life full of so many tiring fights against the "people"? Unhappiness and Depression?
No Thanks!
I'd be immensely happy if these words will come through some minds. >< I really needed to write about it because it feels like a closure or something. I wanted to write this because this are the words I needed to hear when I was desperate and frustrated and depressed. I gained confidence and self-esteem. I'm trying to find myself. I start to get out of SA. I feel it. I hope you feel it too.
Have a nice day y'all!
the still confused, but optimistic
Blumentopf