MiNdLeSsMelody
New member
It all started when I was 13. I started washing my hands and fearing contamination of germs and HIV/AIDS. I would wash my hands raw to the point where it burned and I had cuts all over. It got so bad that I would wear gloves to protect me from my very own pillow. Touching anything was out of the question, or else I would have to do a ritual. I based all my rituals on the number 4. If It didn't feel right the first time, I would have to do it another 4 times. Along with this, restroom trips were a nightmare. I would spend 30 minutes to an hour, maybe more, in the restroom wiping until I felt I was clean enough and not contaminated. The intense intrusive thoughts were so hard to bare too. I got treatment, and was put on medication after being diagnosed with OCD. Through my late high school years, the compulsions simmered down, and life seemed semi-normal. I felt wonderful. I even went off my medication and went a good 5 years with mild flare ups. I really thought I had this thing covered. Well, if it's not one thing, it's another. I, from time to time, got really anxious. Things like picking out outfits that covered my flaws, showering before doing anything, good times to use the restroom so no one would count how long I was in there, and some other things like that started to become the obsessions. I managed to work around it without medication, and things were well again. Recently, it jumped to another obsession. My vehicle's shocks are....crap. So bad that when hitting a bump, it hits hard. My fears started orienting around the thought that whenever I hit a bump, It was a pedestrian, and I HAD to backtrack or else I would have severe panic attacks. So now It's so bad that It takes me an hour+ to get home even though I only live 20 minutes away from work and town. It's so bad that I fear my car, and fear going out. The thing is, I feel safe when someone is in the car with me. Like they're monitoring everything. It also comes when smoking a cigarette. Say before I'm done the cigarette, I get a horrible intrusive thought. I would have to puff 4 times to feel comfortable and free from the anxiety. :
: Along the way, I've gotten very talented with my feet. With still having a slight fear with touching some things, instead of wearing any sort of gloves, I just use my feet and toes to pick them up. This may sound like a big jumbled mess, but it's kind of hard to throw everything out on the table in a good explanation when it's hard enough for you to even explain it. Thanks for listening.
: Along the way, I've gotten very talented with my feet. With still having a slight fear with touching some things, instead of wearing any sort of gloves, I just use my feet and toes to pick them up. This may sound like a big jumbled mess, but it's kind of hard to throw everything out on the table in a good explanation when it's hard enough for you to even explain it. Thanks for listening.
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