"im kind of busy at the moment.."

[xkiss_me_nowx]

ugh. two of my friends just called me, and asked if i wanted to meet them in town..i told them i was busy when actually, i'm not doing anything all day. i wish i would just stop making these excuses up not to go out.

he said "doing what?" and i was like "um, i just got out of the shower so i cant come meet right now.." and he was like "well okay then" and i was like "give me a call later" but i know i probably wont go out later either. i wish i could just live life to the fullest, go out when i want, have fun, and just not have this constant thinking in my head, paranoia, etc.
i just want to be a teenager again.

 

[Tryin]

I do this all the time. And you know why? Mostly because I am ASHAMED (for God's sake) that I am so lonely and sit home all the time. So that when I'm asked to go out, I sometimes say that I have something to do, rather then admit I am doing nothing. I have no social life, but I am trying to FAKE one (for God's sake).

 

[Kinetik]

I always have this too. Like I make excuses for not going out even though I have no reason not to. For me this was particularly hard to deal with in school, because you're always in the middle of people there and so being sociable is forced on you every day. It was like I could have an okay day at school itself, be somewhat alright with talking, but when the final bell rang I just wanted to go home. The difficult thing was always stalling and avoiding the situations afterwards, where the kids would ask me what I'd be doing on such-and-such day. People eventually gave up asking me to hang out on the weekends, and me, thinking I was off the hook, started thinking "great." It was only when I graduated and I got a hold of the school yearbook that I saw people had written things like "keep your chin up" and "don't throw yourself under a train" right underneath my picture. So I suppose they deduced that I was some manic depressive from the way I always avoided everything. Looking back I suppose that wasn't so far from the truth.