im healing up, one last thing to do.

thoughts2

thoughts2

Active member
this is a post i made when i first joined this site

ill start this off by saying this is my first time to do this online. i have a rare OCD disorder that's a little dangerous to myself and those around me. iv seen five doctors so far to see if they could help me and so far they have all made it worse or did nothing to it. i have been thro thousands of dollors in meds and appointments all for nothing i have almost been forced to live in a sycotic ward even but was dismissed at the last second thanks to my parents. due to what i have it has all so made me in to an insomniac because it scares me in to not sleeping at nights. this is what i have. at any given moment at any given time during the day i will have a sudden urge to kill anyone and everyone around me it doesn't matter if i know them or not family friend or stranger who ever is closest to me at the time of the thoughts but not just kill them but to do it in a way that it would make them suffer and after they die i want to eat them. i have these thoughts 2 to 6 times a day. sadly the thought have been getting stronger and happening more times a day and they last longer now. and i find my self to start playing with the thing i want to kill the person with. i cant sleep at nights because i have nightmares every night about killing people hunting them down and then eating them when there alive. i scream allot during my sleep the rare times that i do sleep i sleep every other night for 2 hrs I'm to scared to sleep anymore. i don't know what to do anymore i cant seem to cure these on my own can someone please help me or is someone out there like me? I'm 19 years old and I'm in collage. ps sorry for spelling and grammer there not my strong points im begging for help plz someone any lil tip would help somthing nothing is to small at this point i need help badly

currently the thoughts had gone away and im free of them at last all that remains are my nightmares. see i traced back what started this all and it was the fact that i was exposed to death when i was a child. i saw someone die right in front of me when i was 5 i was so close that her blood splatterd on me it effected me so badly that it coused all this. the last step for a full recovery is this one ?? that i have to answer then the nightmares will go away. my doc asked me this on my last appointment with him "are you more afraid that you are having these dreams or are you more afraid what the dreams are about?''. so the meaning of this post is i want to hear what your answer would be if you where in my shoes.
 
R

Rise Against

Well-known member
damn. im sorry man, i cant even imagine what you are going through. I cant even imagine what i would do... im sorry. all i can say is good luck.
 
thoughts2

thoughts2

Active member
lol thats why it took so long for me to come this far no one can imagine the pain fo it. there are only 4 other people who i have heard of who had the same degree of this as me and those 4 are in phcyo ward and 1 of the 4 killed himself from the insain force of the urges he was so scared he would hurt someone he took his life. by shear force of will power i was able to come this far. and had a butt load of help along the way
 
Errordotocx

Errordotocx

Well-known member
To me it's really hard to put myself in the position to answer the question as I have never been or felt like that. But in my mind, I myself would not be afraid of having the dreams as I think what the dreams represent or portray might be the worst part.

Again, it's hard to relate because like you said. There are only a few people with the same problem you know of. Good luck to you though.
 
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j_brown2

j_brown2

Banned
Isn't this the same thing? Fearing of Having those dreams about killing, or fearing what those "killing dreams"are about. I can't see the difference.

What those dreams are about sounds scarier though lol
 
R

Rise Against

Well-known member
I would be more afraid of what the dreams are about... lately ive been having some really screwed up dreams.. probably not as messed up as yours but i always die horrible deaths in my dreams.
 
thoughts2

thoughts2

Active member
lastnights dream was bad for me. i was wearing a black robe and people where around me watching me i looked down and i was eating someone in the middle of the street i cut off his head and threw it at people then i stabbed myself in the heart and woke up....you have no idea how screwed up my dreams get
 
j_brown2

j_brown2

Banned
That's bad. Did you ever see someone eat people or what? That you have dreams like this? My nightmares are mostly about horror stuff I saw in movies, falling of heights or satanic, ghost stuff Iam scared of lol
 
thoughts2

thoughts2

Active member
when i say the blood splattered on me i mean it was all over me the blood whent in my mouth aswell....thats where the eating comes from
 
j_brown2

j_brown2

Banned
Could be, did you do energy healing? Erase the trauma from those memories? Well I guess not coz you still have nightmares you say
 
thoughts2

thoughts2

Active member
iv tryed it all even shock therapy nothing seemed to work but my own will to stop it all the only reson why the dreams havent stoped it b/c i have no control over them
 
Errordotocx

Errordotocx

Well-known member
When I hear controlling dreams I think of lucid dreaming. I'm not sure how real it is but plenty of people say that it is possible to do. I was going to try it myself once but never got into it enough.

Lucid Dreaming -- Dream Views

idk if that would help any at all or not...but I thought about that last night before I fell asleep lol.
 
SilentType

SilentType

Banned
Yeah maybe if you could learn to be aware during these nightmares, you could stop the behavior in your dreams and just walk away. I don't know if that would help with the daily thoughts, but you can control your dreams. You just have to learn to be aware that you're in a dream.

As for your question, I can't answer that as I've never been in your situation before.


Peace
 
thoughts2

thoughts2

Active member
lucid dreaming i probly know more about it than you do. iv read for days on end on that and tryed it for a while but my dreams are so vived and real that its nearly impossible for me so seperate reality for dreaming. however im still trying it
 
A

Acme

Well-known member
I realize that this is a late post, and am not sure if you come around here anymore, but I'm guessing that you are more afraid of having the dreams than of what the dreams are about. From experience and IMO, the only way to defeat/end something that you are afraid of is to face it head on and beat it in the ground with pure aggression. Want it to happen (in your case, want the nightmares to happen) - demand for them to happen - and if/when they do happen, face them head on and destroy them with no mercy (the nightmares themselves). Make them pay for f*cking with you, as the nightmares are at fault and not you. They soon won't be bothering you anymore.

Hope you are doing OK. Take care man.
 
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