I'm going insane.
- Thread starter Lilium
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Well-known member
I was a recluse from age 13 to 22 and that darkness that you have, that negativeness, the hate, I had it. You don't want to have the life that I had, trust me. I pay the consequences of that every day.
I'll start by saying that at 14, going to parties or even having a girlfriend and having some sex are not things that you should be thinking about. Save that for later, much later. At 14, you should only worry about school and having good, clean fun with your friends. Those things will not fix you anyway. Believe me, not even love will fix it.
Reading this, I noticed that your happiness depends a lot on what the people around you are doing. Your parents for example, your friends, the people at skool, etc. When you spend a lot of time alone and you're a very pensive person, which I'm sure you are, your mind starts to go into overdrive and you see all those things, all those little details that you decribed in your post and it stays in your head and floats around there until you feel like the world around you is going crazy and you're the only one who sees it. But think about it for a second. Do you really think that there's something wrong with everyone except you? No, right? The chances of that are inexistent, so I think you need to change the way you see the world.
You seem to hate your parents a lot but from what you wrote, they don't seem like the worst parents in the world to me. You could have worse and I'm sure they care about you more than you think. If your mom is having problems, be there for her, take care of her and help her. That's how you'll discover yourself. Hating will lead you nowhere and that hate is not even real. It's just something created by your imagination. Deep down you love your parents or you wouldn't even have come here to write about them if you didn't. In fact, you seem to like your whole family.
Maybe you didn't even mean anything that you wrote in there. Maybe you just felt depressed and needed to let it all out. It happens often here. There's no shame in that.
If you have friends who you think don't care about you enough, then my suggestion to you is to keep your distance from such people. A lot of people here have had "friends" like that, including me, and they're just with you to not be lonely. There are good people out there and one good friend is worth more than ten of those fake friends, trust me.
Also, try to find a way to be happy in your own skin and be proud of yourself. If you have a busy life and accomplish different things, then you're gonna boost your self-esteem and you'll feel happiness without having to rely on others to fulfill that emptiness inside of you. Being in a relationship with someone when you are not happy by yourself is never a good idea for anyone. Someone once told me that being dependent of someone, when you spend your life escaping, is a way of feeding that vicious circle. Learn to ignore the faults of others. Learn to accept the way people sometimes are. It doesn't mean you need be like them or that you have to hang out with them. As long as you're proud of the person you are, there shouldn't be any problem.
I hope this will help you. Of course, if you feel too overwhelmed, then you could always see a psychologist. There's no shame in that either.
I'll start by saying that at 14, going to parties or even having a girlfriend and having some sex are not things that you should be thinking about. Save that for later, much later. At 14, you should only worry about school and having good, clean fun with your friends. Those things will not fix you anyway. Believe me, not even love will fix it.
Reading this, I noticed that your happiness depends a lot on what the people around you are doing. Your parents for example, your friends, the people at skool, etc. When you spend a lot of time alone and you're a very pensive person, which I'm sure you are, your mind starts to go into overdrive and you see all those things, all those little details that you decribed in your post and it stays in your head and floats around there until you feel like the world around you is going crazy and you're the only one who sees it. But think about it for a second. Do you really think that there's something wrong with everyone except you? No, right? The chances of that are inexistent, so I think you need to change the way you see the world.
You seem to hate your parents a lot but from what you wrote, they don't seem like the worst parents in the world to me. You could have worse and I'm sure they care about you more than you think. If your mom is having problems, be there for her, take care of her and help her. That's how you'll discover yourself. Hating will lead you nowhere and that hate is not even real. It's just something created by your imagination. Deep down you love your parents or you wouldn't even have come here to write about them if you didn't. In fact, you seem to like your whole family.
Maybe you didn't even mean anything that you wrote in there. Maybe you just felt depressed and needed to let it all out. It happens often here. There's no shame in that.
If you have friends who you think don't care about you enough, then my suggestion to you is to keep your distance from such people. A lot of people here have had "friends" like that, including me, and they're just with you to not be lonely. There are good people out there and one good friend is worth more than ten of those fake friends, trust me.
Also, try to find a way to be happy in your own skin and be proud of yourself. If you have a busy life and accomplish different things, then you're gonna boost your self-esteem and you'll feel happiness without having to rely on others to fulfill that emptiness inside of you. Being in a relationship with someone when you are not happy by yourself is never a good idea for anyone. Someone once told me that being dependent of someone, when you spend your life escaping, is a way of feeding that vicious circle. Learn to ignore the faults of others. Learn to accept the way people sometimes are. It doesn't mean you need be like them or that you have to hang out with them. As long as you're proud of the person you are, there shouldn't be any problem.
I hope this will help you. Of course, if you feel too overwhelmed, then you could always see a psychologist. There's no shame in that either.
Genuine thanks and appreciation, sir.
It helps a bit. I'll just have to think back on what you've wrote to settle it in.