I'm full of so much hate

[TheNightCreature]

Where do i start ? I Hate my Mum, I hate my Mother's family, I hate my Bullies, I hate my previous schools, I Hate that I've lost so much, I hate that i let people push me over.

I've just lost that little boy in me that was happy and having fun. I guess ever since my mum left me when i was 8 and keep on coming back into and out of my life over the years who is just a deadbeat mother to me and my siblings. I hate my mother's family for how they didn't contact us for at least 2 to 3 years hell maybe even 4 and how they only came back into my life because i contacted them on facebook, I hate that i let people push me over that it's has screwed my education. I guess i'm striving for justice and i guess that's why i want to help people.

Anyway i guess people think i'm weird but i'd just thought i'd finally post out what i'm feeling. I just wanted to know has anyone gone through something similar that i'm going through ?

 

[Waybuloo]

Yes I have an absentee mother who left me when I was 4 and then lived with me again when I was 9 but we thought of had a superficial relationship because of her narcissism. It hurt so bad but I didn't realise what it was, just thought I was a very angry and emotionally sensitive young person. Now I realised that it was my mum who was the culprit. I have hate for her and a sense of injustice. But I just think that as cliche as it may seem, it's a chance to learn and mature. At times i'm ambivalent towards her and feel detached, when i'm not feeling angry that is.

You know that you used to be happy and fun. You have something inside which is the pure you and you should nurture that whenever possible. It is possible to reach inside and bring forward your real personality, wants and desires to define who you are. What your mother, family and the bullies did to you put shame upon their names and lives, but you have the responsibility now for how you interpret these events and rise above it. Don't dwell on the past because it's not going to serve any real purpose.

If they still don't repent or treat you unfairly, I think it's best to keep your family at arms length, because they will just trample any hope you have for a healthy relationship, and hurt you further. Maybe you might want to say, in the back of your mind, your goodbyes and mourn the mother which 'died' long ago. Be the best you can be to yourself and never criticise or project self hatred, act toward yourself like the mother you never had.

What about your siblings? Concentrate on the relationship with them as you have all been in the same boat and my guess is that had probably bonded you together.