I'm completely new to this but here it goes..

Krista

Well-known member
First I wanted to thank whoever made this site because it's given me hope that I'll be able to express how I'm feeling and maybe someone out there can relate as well. Thank you so much. This might be a little long and I'm sorry, my apologies. Well my name's Krista and I'm almost 19. There are times when I can feel on top of the world and then there are the moments when I feel like I can't breathe because of my anxiety. When I have these moments I like to try and vent my feelings by writing them out and it hit me after I reread my entry, I obviously have problems, yes but maybe something I need to check into. So I Googled "fear of being disliked" and going through my findings, found this site. Another thank you. I wrote the following below so someone might happen to come upon it, read it and understand.


They say the key to being happy in life starts with being happy with yourself. This is not me. I'm a far cry from that. I'm so unhappy with myself that it hurts. I can look into the mirror and point out every single detail(at least in my eyes) wrong with me. But I'm unwilling to change, not because I enjoy being miserable but because I have no guts. I'm a loser, a downer, a pathalogical quitter. I have all these grand plans for myself but no drive to get me there. I think I can make all this happen if I just change. Change my body, my hair, my looks. Yes, secretly I want to be one of those beautiful girls. The kind every girl wants to be and every guy wants to date. The worst part is that I'm not necessarily ugly or beautiful and it's not that I've never had a guy interested in me. But it doesn't feel that way to me. Changing, I believe, will make me happy..and it will. It seems shallow but we live in that kind of society and NO ONE is immune to its way of thinking. No one.

I was never envious of those girls in school and I never wanted to be them. I just wanted to be me but a better me. One where I knew how it felt to be ignored, lonely and insignificant. I always told myself that if I were them, I'd be better. Not because I thought I was a better person per se but because I knew how to treat people, because guys who tried to look like Zac Efron didn't appeal to me. But I'm not any of those things and I never will be. High school might be over but it never really ends. You'll always have people who want to be liked no matter what age, have lots of friends, party even though you have children that need taking care of maybe or be one of those beautiful people who never have to worry because it seems like life hands them things on a silver dish and everything is so easy for them. So when is it going to be my turn? Here I am, out of school, no new job yet and college staring in August. This seems like the best time to reinvent myself. What's that quote? "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." George Shaw.

Everything I want to be could happen if I let it. But I haven't and I'm wondering if I could possibly be the most disgustingly ignorant and lazy person on the face of the planet. Of course not. There are worst, but I feel like I'm almost there. So you'd think that with all this self awareness and complete knowledge of all my flaws, self deprecating behavior and complete lack of love for myself I'd want to do something about it. Well I do. Will I? So far, no. Which is why I'm a loser. Because I spend hours thinking and crying on why I'm not everything I want and know I could be. Yet here I still sit, doing nothing about it. I like to make excuses on why I don't. My favorite is "I can't do this alone." but I know it's bull. I'm strong enough to do anything I want. I'm not a codependent person but the sad truth is that I am. Sometimes I feel like it's just another excuse. A reason I give myself to sit back and "eat another donut" figuratively speaking. So what do I do? And who can help me help myself?

My aunt says that when your constantly fighting battles with yourself you get tired and feel sad for your plight but eventually you say "Screw it, why live in fear? What's the worst that can happen?" and you're so sick of feeling sorry for yourself that you just do it. I have honestly tried and tried to keep this mind set but when it comes time to put it into action I can't. I freeze. With people, guys, friends. I become so afraid that they won't like me I can't move. I shut down and don't talk. I'll feel like I look hideous even though I don't and if I can't look at myself, how can anyone else look at me any other way? I hate living like this and I hate crying about changing but not doing anything. I just need advice but don't know where to get it because no one understands.
 

google

Member
changing your appearance does make you feel more confident, but it doesn't really fix the problems ime
I know how you feel though, I sometimes think i'm the lazyest person ever but really it's just fear of doing things and trying new things.
 

scissorhands

Well-known member
Well coming here and posting is a good start I think. And pretty much everyone here can relate or understand how you feel so you're not alone. Hang in there and don't give up. ;)
 

Krista

Well-known member
Aw, thank you so much everyone. That really makes me feel better actually and it's nice to know that someone understands what I'm talking about.
 

scissorhands

Well-known member
Feels good to finally talk about this stuff and hear that people actually understand, relate, and know what you're talking about. When I found this site and first posted about my problems it was an incredible relief for once to read comment after comment of people who knew exactly what I was talking about and been there. etc.
 

yomisma19

Member
First I wanted to thank whoever made this site because it's given me hope that I'll be able to express how I'm feeling and maybe someone out there can relate as well. Thank you so much. This might be a little long and I'm sorry, my apologies. Well my name's Krista and I'm almost 19. There are times when I can feel on top of the world and then there are the moments when I feel like I can't breathe because of my anxiety. When I have these moments I like to try and vent my feelings by writing them out and it hit me after I reread my entry, I obviously have problems, yes but maybe something I need to check into. So I Googled "fear of being disliked" and going through my findings, found this site. Another thank you. I wrote the following below so someone might happen to come upon it, read it and understand.


They say the key to being happy in life starts with being happy with yourself. This is not me. I'm a far cry from that. I'm so unhappy with myself that it hurts. I can look into the mirror and point out every single detail(at least in my eyes) wrong with me. But I'm unwilling to change, not because I enjoy being miserable but because I have no guts. I'm a loser, a downer, a pathalogical quitter. I have all these grand plans for myself but no drive to get me there. I think I can make all this happen if I just change. Change my body, my hair, my looks. Yes, secretly I want to be one of those beautiful girls. The kind every girl wants to be and every guy wants to date. The worst part is that I'm not necessarily ugly or beautiful and it's not that I've never had a guy interested in me. But it doesn't feel that way to me. Changing, I believe, will make me happy..and it will. It seems shallow but we live in that kind of society and NO ONE is immune to its way of thinking. No one.

I was never envious of those girls in school and I never wanted to be them. I just wanted to be me but a better me. One where I knew how it felt to be ignored, lonely and insignificant. I always told myself that if I were them, I'd be better. Not because I thought I was a better person per se but because I knew how to treat people, because guys who tried to look like Zac Efron didn't appeal to me. But I'm not any of those things and I never will be. High school might be over but it never really ends. You'll always have people who want to be liked no matter what age, have lots of friends, party even though you have children that need taking care of maybe or be one of those beautiful people who never have to worry because it seems like life hands them things on a silver dish and everything is so easy for them. So when is it going to be my turn? Here I am, out of school, no new job yet and college staring in August. This seems like the best time to reinvent myself. What's that quote? "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." George Shaw.

Everything I want to be could happen if I let it. But I haven't and I'm wondering if I could possibly be the most disgustingly ignorant and lazy person on the face of the planet. Of course not. There are worst, but I feel like I'm almost there.
So you'd think that with all this self awareness and complete knowledge of all my flaws, self deprecating behavior and complete lack of love for myself I'd want to do something about it. Well I do. Will I? So far, no. Which is why I'm a loser. Because I spend hours thinking and crying on why I'm not everything I want and know I could be. Yet here I still sit, doing nothing about it. I like to make excuses on why I don't. My favorite is "I can't do this alone." but I know it's bull. I'm strong enough to do anything I want. I'm not a codependent person but the sad truth is that I am. Sometimes I feel like it's just another excuse. A reason I give myself to sit back and "eat another donut" figuratively speaking. So what do I do? And who can help me help myself?

My aunt says that when your constantly fighting battles with yourself you get tired and feel sad for your plight but eventually you say "Screw it, why live in fear? What's the worst that can happen?" and you're so sick of feeling sorry for yourself that you just do it. I have honestly tried and tried to keep this mind set but when it comes time to put it into action I can't. I freeze. With people, guys, friends. I become so afraid that they won't like me I can't move. I shut down and don't talk. I'll feel like I look hideous even though I don't and if I can't look at myself, how can anyone else look at me any other way? I hate living like this and I hate crying about changing but not doing anything. I just need advice but don't know where to get it because no one understands.

HI, I feel identified with that words in bold. In my case I think my first problem is i don't like myself, and i think i could be better if i would't have this self-esteem problem. I have good periods and it seem all is ok with me (less self-esteem problems, i can do all with normality, i study, i go out with friends..) but "suddenly" i get down, i feel insecure...and all my world is down.....
 

Lost Girl

Well-known member
I can relate to alot of what you wrote Krista. It was very brave of you to be so open and share so much of yourself, good on you and thank you :). It will def help others to know that they are not alone :).
 
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