I'm a coward!

[paranoid_android]

I have been trying to write this post for some time but it always end up deleted. It seems that even in front of a machine I'm too fucking introverted or whatever this is. I have been digging for so long into myself that I feel that no longer I have the energy to cope to this situation. Yesterday, I went to a birthday's party of twins. There were some guys who like to be fun when they are together like fucking hienas. At some point of the party, when playing cards, after some alcohol, I noticed that these "comediants" said something about me, like calling me homo. I have no problem about it because I'm feeling confident about my sexuality, but what made me really angry was the fucking abuse and the attempt of making fun of me like I wasn't even there. Me, I pretended I didn't hear what they said 'cause I'm a fucking coward, a useless living thing. I should never let that go! I should have said something, confront them, and break a bottle on his/their shitty head(s) and make him/them bleed. That is what I should have done. I just want to explode instead of implode. I can't neither forgive myself nor being courageous enough to change it.

Sorry for this pitty session.
I really wish you all the best.

 

[Sacrament]

(Glad to see someone else from Portugal in SPW).

I believe that they were picking on you to observe your reaction. I bet they even felt a little frustrated that you didn't react at all, like imagine you thinking "I'm way better than them, so they don't even deserve a proper answer or reaction". I can imagine them trying again to see how you react once more, so all you have to do is keep ignoring them in a "I'm the man" way, or think of something short and smart to leave them speechless.

I mean, you have to be a terrible person if you feel the need to pick on other people for the fun of it. Just because you didn't react, it doesn't mean you're less than them.

 

[Kinetik]

You actually did totally the right thing, believe it or not. I don't say this because I'm a pacifist or a weakling (even though both could be argued), but because karma really does come back around. What they were doing is temporarily feeding their egos by ripping on someone else, at the same time sending off glaring signals that they're unhappy with themselves. The effect of that ego-boost is only nullified when there is no reaction from the person targeted (you). So what you did was deflect that negative energy. You stayed calm, let it pass through you, and inadvertently showed that you're secure in yourself by not stooping to that sort of level. I know it's hard to feel like it, but you really emerged the bigger man. They're the cowards, not you.

 

[paranoid_android]

I don't know about that but the idea of breaking their heads is very sweet.
I appreciate your support. I'm not a talkative person and feels a bit relieving some good human contact.

 

[phoenix1]

ahhh, been in that situation many times. They really are the cowards, because those bastards know they are in a win-win situation. They know if they did get an angry reaction from you, they can make you look foolish as they stand together and you could end up feeling even worse. If you dont say anything, then they win too because they can say something without reprecussion. That takes alot of courage for them to know that either way they make themselves look better (sarcasm). Like the previous posters said, many times its best just to let it go cause its the lesser of two evils.

If they do go too far and you really do want to confront the bastards, my advice would be to isolate one of them and focus your energy on that person and that person alone. Ignore the rest and break the group mentality. If you focus your attention on the group they will rip you to pieces. Just make it a fight between you and someone else (the most vocal one maybe) and completely ignore the rest and thats your best chance of coming out on top in my opinion.

 

[paranoid_android]

Yeah, those motherfuckers only talk when they're together, 'cause alone, they say nothing and they are polite. Plus, they don't really say it to me, they just talk between them, but I guess you know the type. And to be honest, I don't think they rip me apart. I just need that spark in my eyes to make me explode.
Devil bless me if that moment comes.

 

[Thelema]

I totally disagree with the posters that say you should pretty much take it up the ass and like it. Sitting there is the worst thing you can do. Why? Because you feel horrible about yourself right now. Sitting there thinking I'm such a good person taking it up the ass because I know Karma will get them back. What a load of crap. If karma even exists I highly doubt it will make you feel as good as it would have if you would have stood up for yourself and watched them back down. Even a nasty look at them would have made you feel better. You might try to replay that situation in your mind and instead of just sitting there you could have stood up and yelled at them and thrown a chair at them. It might make you feel a little better.

 

[Y]

I totally disagree with the posters that say you should pretty much take it up the ass and like it. Sitting there is the worst thing you can do. Why? Because you feel horrible about yourself right now. Sitting there thinking I'm such a good person taking it up the ass because I know Karma will get them back. What a load of crap. If karma even exists I highly doubt it will make you feel as good as it would have if you would have stood up for yourself and watched them back down. Even a nasty look at them would have made you feel better. You might try to replay that situation in your mind and instead of just sitting there you could have stood up and yelled at them and thrown a chair at them. It might make you feel a little better.

I agree with you Thelema, you should stand up for yourself, otherwise you will never forgive yourself, i have some bad bullying memories from high school and i still (even after 6 years) still cant forget them and still regret not answering them back. Lol, i even have nightmares about them now and then.

I told this to my therapist , said i couldnt get over those and asked her why, she said that those are "unfinished businesses" on your mind, those bad memories add up and produce an emotional wreck in your subconcious brain. And its really hard to get over those unless you finish those businesses (bad English :/, sorry)

Dont let those idiots fuck up your brain!

 

[maggie]

You actually did totally the right thing, believe it or not. I don't say this because I'm a pacifist or a weakling (even though both could be argued), but because karma really does come back around. What they were doing is temporarily feeding their egos by ripping on someone else, at the same time sending off glaring signals that they're unhappy with themselves. The effect of that ego-boost is only nullified when there is no reaction from the person targeted (you). So what you did was deflect that negative energy. You stayed calm, let it pass through you, and inadvertently showed that you're secure in yourself by not stooping to that sort of level. I know it's hard to feel like it, but you really emerged the bigger man. They're the cowards, not you.

i agree with Kinetik....hey paranoid_android..do you honestly think that getting into a physical fight with two..or more..drunk guys would prove anything?..that getting your face busted up by some drunken slime would make you more courageous?..it's not true :!: ...for one thing..you are not a coward..and for another..you are not a useless living thing...you are a sensitive person who knows how to use your brains in life and doesn't get drunk and abuse people with words..or with violence....i would have done exactly the same thing..and it takes incredible self-control..intelligence..and inner strength to be able to deflect assholes like that who use bullying to somehow make themselves feel more important.....you did the right thing :!:

 

[LemonKiss]

I am disappointed in the human race for using the word homo as an insult. FOOLS!! :!:

 

[maggie]

I am disappointed in the human race for using the word homo as an insult. FOOLS!! :!:

i agree..it's pretty insensitive :roll:

 

[Thelema]

So you guys that think you shouldn't fight back will teach your kids that when a kid hits them they should roll up in a ball and think about karma? When somebody goes out of their way to wrong you you have all the right in the universe to wrong them right back. If a Country attacks another country does that country roll up in a ball and think about karma? Hell no. They get their army together and go to war. I guess Martin Luther King should have kept his head down and not have spoken up because he might have gotten in a fight! I guess when a police officer is shot at he should not shoot back because its bad karma if he should kill the man that just tried to kill him! I guess when the Nazi's rolled in to a town in WW2 all the people should have accepted them with open arms? I guess the Americans should have let the Japanese bomb what ever the hell they wanted because we were scared we might get our nose bloody?

A man shouldn't roll up in a ball when something like this happens they should stand up for themselves because a bloody nose will heal but the respect you earned will last in everyones mind forever.

 

[Y]

You actually did totally the right thing, believe it or not. I don't say this because I'm a pacifist or a weakling (even though both could be argued), but because karma really does come back around. What they were doing is temporarily feeding their egos by ripping on someone else, at the same time sending off glaring signals that they're unhappy with themselves. The effect of that ego-boost is only nullified when there is no reaction from the person targeted (you). So what you did was deflect that negative energy. You stayed calm, let it pass through you, and inadvertently showed that you're secure in yourself by not stooping to that sort of level. I know it's hard to feel like it, but you really emerged the bigger man. They're the cowards, not you.

i agree with Kinetik....hey paranoid_android..do you honestly think that getting into a physical fight with two..or more..drunk guys would prove anything?..that getting your face busted up by some drunken slime would make you more courageous?..it's not true :!: ...for one thing..you are not a coward..and for another..you are not a useless living thing...you are a sensitive person who knows how to use your brains in life and doesn't get drunk and abuse people with words..or with violence....i would have done exactly the same thing..and it takes incredible self-control..intelligence..and inner strength to be able to deflect assholes like that who use bullying to somehow make themselves feel more important.....you did the right thing :!:

Noone is telling him to attack them, getting into a fight with them but there ARE ways to make them pay *using your brain*, is what you call *using your brain*, staying silent? Any answer he gave them is better than staying silent.

You dont get one thing, in this case staying silent doesnt mean ignoring them, or making them fell like theyre not worthy of an answer, it is ACCEPTING what they say.

 

[Kinetik]

If I ever do have kids, I will teach them to diffuse bad situations and be non-reactive instead of fuelling fires and being just as lowly as the instigators, absolutely. Every kind of problem on the world-stage today is brought about by the mentality of hit-me-and-i'll-hit-you-harder. Why do you think the US is in such a precarious position? I guarantee you, if this carries on for the next ten years, you can kiss goodbye your great way of life because if you stick your neck out too far, somebody will always be there to pull the rug from under your feet. You don't fight violence with violence, no matter what that idiotic president of yours preaches with his borderline-imperialism and inflammatory rhetoric.

 

[Y]

nvm

 

[Thelema]

If I ever do have kids, I will teach them to diffuse bad situations and be non-reactive instead of fuelling fires and being just as lowly as the instigators, absolutely. Every kind of problem on the world-stage today is brought about by the mentality of hit-me-and-i'll-hit-you-harder. Why do you think the US is in such a precarious position? I guarantee you, if this carries on for the next ten years, you can kiss goodbye your great way of life because if you stick your neck out too far, somebody will always be there to pull the rug from under your feet. You don't fight violence with violence, no matter what that idiotic president of yours preaches with his borderline-imperialism and inflammatory rhetoric.

I don't like George Bush and I don't start fights. If somebody says something to you I'm not saying you should hit them. If they say something to you then you say something back and if they hit you you hit them back but you don't just start hitting them. I'm not saying violence is the answer I'm just using fighting as an example. My way of life is respect for everyone because you know if you wrong them they have the right to wrong you back. Same way you have respect for bees. If you mess with a bee it will sting you and a bee doesn't want to sting you if it doesn't have to.

 

[Kinetik]

Gotcha... I initially misunderstood what you were getting at. That clears it up though.

 

[maggie]

You actually did totally the right thing, believe it or not. I don't say this because I'm a pacifist or a weakling (even though both could be argued), but because karma really does come back around. What they were doing is temporarily feeding their egos by ripping on someone else, at the same time sending off glaring signals that they're unhappy with themselves. The effect of that ego-boost is only nullified when there is no reaction from the person targeted (you). So what you did was deflect that negative energy. You stayed calm, let it pass through you, and inadvertently showed that you're secure in yourself by not stooping to that sort of level. I know it's hard to feel like it, but you really emerged the bigger man. They're the cowards, not you.

i agree with Kinetik....hey paranoid_android..do you honestly think that getting into a physical fight with two..or more..drunk guys would prove anything?..that getting your face busted up by some drunken slime would make you more courageous?..it's not true :!: ...for one thing..you are not a coward..and for another..you are not a useless living thing...you are a sensitive person who knows how to use your brains in life and doesn't get drunk and abuse people with words..or with violence....i would have done exactly the same thing..and it takes incredible self-control..intelligence..and inner strength to be able to deflect assholes like that who use bullying to somehow make themselves feel more important.....you did the right thing :!:

Noone is telling him to attack them, getting into a fight with them but there ARE ways to make them pay *using your brain*, is what you call *using your brain*, staying silent? Any answer he gave them is better than staying silent.

You dont get one thing, in this case staying silent doesnt mean ignoring them, or making them fell like theyre not worthy of an answer, it is ACCEPTING what they say.

i guess in that sense Y, i get what you're saying...but..given the sitation...being totally outnumbered..and these fucking idiots who are mouthing off are drunk and stupid..i thought ignoring them would be the best..since his own personal safety could be at risk....and for what?..just because someone is silent..doesn't mean something some assholes are spewing..is true :!:

 

[Predacon]

I've been in situations like that myself with people making sarcastic comments, my usual approach is just to ignore it and turn my attention is elsewhere. But later on I do occasionally find myself wishing I had taken a more proactive approach and confronted the person. I guess you have to judge your response to the individual situation, no matter what someone says the last thing you want is a fight to break out, its not worth it.

 

[themousethatroared]

I have had similar experiences in the past. When I was younger I would beat myself up by not speaking up for myself. I have learned that I if I did stand up for myself in a more aggressive way then I should be prepared for the possibility of being beaten up or vice versa. Well not everything turns a violent way but there is a possibility. It is a difficult thing to figure out. What would I tell a my younger self of how to handle theses situations? I do not know what I would say. Today if I could feel good about ignoring some comment about me and I would not ruminate about it later then I would be all for that. I stop short of using violence as a possible response because it creates more difficulties.