I'm a bitch !

[Helmaninquiel]

Because of my anxiety people seem to think I'm on the bitchy side, and ok maybe I do act a little bitchy but that's only me putting on a mask. The real me isn't like this at all. If I don't feel comfortable around someone I tend to shut them out completely, kinda make them feel unwelcome.
My ex boyfriend is best friends with my cousin and my cousin lives with me, so naturally my ex comes over and every time I avoid him. He also all ways tries to talk to me through facebook or MSN, saying things like (I know your online stop appearing offline.) and for like the past four years every chance he gets he tries to talk with me. He wrote something on one of my Facebook status saying that he loves me and that made me feel really uncomfortable. I think he just wants to be friends... (Maybe?) but even that I can't do.. I feel so ****ing uneasy around him and I think I'm hurting him bad. What do I do !?!

 

[Minty]

Tell him! Seriously. Tell him exactly how you feel. If you can't be friends with him, DON'T. That doesn't make you a bitch. That's just being honest with your feelings. And you'll be doing him a favor because he'll move on and not waste time. He's already wasted four years trying to build a friendship with you.



And don't worry about what people think. Lol, people think I'm a bitch too because my SA stops me from making small-talk with them. I know deep down, I'm a nice person and that's all that matters.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

Tell him! Seriously. Tell him exactly how you feel. If you can't be friends with him, DON'T. That doesn't make you a bitch. That's just being honest with your feelings. And you'll be doing him a favor because he'll move on and not waste time. He's already wasted four years trying to build a friendship with you.



And don't worry about what people think. Lol, people think I'm a bitch too because my SA stops me from making small-talk with them. I know deep down, I'm a nice person and that's all that matters.

But that's the thing, I'm only hoping he wants to be my friend. I mean telling me that he loves me was a little bit of a shocker and everyone around me keeps telling me to lighten up, that he just wants to be my friend but I feel it's deeper then that. Also for four years he hasn't taken a clue, this man doesn't seem to give up. I can't even look him in the face I'm so uncomfortable around him. I defiantly won't be able to spill my feeling to him ! Awe, I'm so screwed.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Honestly I came to thread, the subject just jumped out at me for some reason. Can't put my finger it.

You say uncomfortable. You do not want? Then you must tell. If you do not then eventually you will. You should not let something you do not want to continue too long.

You've got better things to do.

 

[Minty]

But that's the thing, I'm only hoping he wants to be my friend. I mean telling me that he loves me was a little bit of a shocker and everyone around me keeps telling me to lighten up, that he just wants to be my friend but I feel it's deeper then that. Also for four years he hasn't taken a clue, this man doesn't seem to give up. I can't even look him in the face I'm so uncomfortable around him. I defiantly won't be able to spill my feeling to him ! Awe, I'm so screwed.

What kind of discomfort? Like "this dude is so creepy" kind of discomfort? Or "I reeeeally don't want to hurt his feelings" kind of discomfort?

I think you should trust your intuition, no matter what other people say. It's there for a reason.

 

[chola]

What kind of discomfort? Like "this dude is so creepy" kind of discomfort? Or "I reeeeally don't want to hurt his feelings" kind of discomfort?

I wondered the same thing when I read your post. If it's the creepy one, maybe your cousin could help you break it to him? Gosh, 4 yrs is a long time to deal w/ something like this.
If you just don't want to hurt him, or you think that having to have a conversation about it at all might feel awkward, I feel for you! Rip off the bandaid! You can do it!

 

[PunkRotten]

Hes just looking to get laid thats all.

 

[Feathers]

Helman, it's difficult to know without the specifics.. who dumped whom and because of what etc.

Some guys may be looking for a second chance or some people actually do manage to stay friends with all of their exes (how, that defies me too!!)

If you feel uncomfortable, at least tell your cousin - is it possible to not bring that guy in the house/flat anymore? My cousin would respect my wishes, I think, and just hang out elsewhere if they must.. Also, were they 'best friends' before or after you knew him and dated him?
Or, you could move? (And move in with another friend or cousin who doesn't have anything with this guy?)

You have every right to not friend him or unfriend him on FB and set your profile to 'friends-only', if necessary...?
It would be good to accompany this with a talk to explain it, yeah..

If he hurt you then you could explain you are still hurting now.. Or if you hurt him then you could say you're sorry and didn't mean to hurt him, but that it's difficult for you now and you don't want to hurt him again and would prefer to do it this way so you both can have a fresh start elsewhere.. or something like that, depending on your situation..

 

[Helmaninquiel]

Hes just looking to get laid thats all.

You know I was also thinking that myself. Maybe he's just pissed off because when we did go out I didn't go all the way with him. Maybe he's just one of those men who wants what he can't have? But four year... that's a long time.

 

[Helmaninquiel]

What kind of discomfort? Like "this dude is so creepy" kind of discomfort? Or "I reeeeally don't want to hurt his feelings" kind of discomfort?

I think you should trust your intuition, no matter what other people say. It's there for a reason.

He's not creepy or anything. I'm just so uncomfortable around him because he pays so much attention to me and I don't understand why ! I just don't understand? There is tons of women that are prettier, smarter, and have better personalities. I don't get it. lol

 

[Helmaninquiel]

quit leading him on, heh just kidding

I wish I could.. the dude doesn't take a clue.

Any tips?