IF YOU DID NOT HAVE SA, WOULD YOU FIT IN?

[PhantomPod]

I must add that I also may be in love with you. Haha!

I actually really think that I would fit in more if I wasn't so shy. There are some things that I am into that I suppose the majority of people my age might view as weird, but for the most part, I would say that I am fairly "normal." My biggest problem is just that I don't really know how to make friends that well or socialize well without feeling extremely uneasy wondering what everyone is thinking of me. Like maybe if I could just relax and socialize "normally," I would be more "normal" and fit in better. I'm just way too socially awkward though.

 

[qipuqipu]

My soft-heartedness only applies to ladies

That makes me sad.

You led this topic off by saying that you're not the typical man - and then you go and discriminate against all men.

Sorry to nitpick, but I couldn't ignore this point.

I can be nice to men too, but not in the same way. I tend to be much more compassionate and gentle toward ladies (respectable women). For example, if a lady does something that upsets me, I will NOT respond with hostility, but if a man upsets me I will sometimes respond with verbal hostility or even physical force. I will NEVER use physical force against a lady. If a lady upsets me, I get sad. If a man upsets me, I get angry.

I'm sure you have noticed that I often use the word lady. Every woman is not a lady, just as every man is not a gentleman... So when I say things about how much I love and respect ladies, I definitely NOT referring to all women. In addition, when I say things about disliking stereotypical men, I'm definitely NOT refering to all men.

Well, OK, I didn't get that whole lady distinction. I still feel vaguely bothered, just because 'lady' and 'gentleman' seem so vague to me... but I'll stop spamming your thread up now. -_-

 

[qipuqipu]

OK, I'm going to post something relevant now *gasp*

It's interesting seeing the kind of characteristics you listed as being typical of a stereotypical male, because I very rarely come across people like that... maybe it's a cultural thing? Anyway, my male friends (back when I had friends, sigh) would almost never talk about sex at all, least of all about it being more important than love.

This topic makes me think though. Perhaps many of the men who subscribe to this stereotype are actually really anxious themselves, and are acting this way in an attempt to fit in and create a better image for themselves. I guess you can be proud that you've got your own values and haven't fallen into that trap.

 

[Quixote]

It's interesting seeing the kind of characteristics you listed as being typical of a stereotypical male, because I very rarely come across people like that...

I too wonder where all these aggressive, sex-obsessed, football-watching, party-enthusiastic "stereotypical guys" are...because honestly I don't see so many in real life. There might be some, but they are just extreme personalities like SA.

Besides, I don't despise extroverted, or "manly", guys just because they are more successfull than I am. In fact, some of those louder types can be the nicest people when you get to know them, and as far as my experience goes I often found them to be more generous and honest than many introverted ones who obviously consider themselves much superior to these "sterotypical" ordinary folks.

 

[cloaked]

By not having SA, I would be able to have a conversation with a stranger, or even somebody I know. I would not feel so nervous and anxious in public places. I would be able to make and keep friends. I would be able to talk to people on the phone. I wouldn't make excuses when someone invited me to a social place. I would be able to ask the teacher questions at college. I wouldn't force myself to sit in the back anymore. I wouldn't take the longer, yet more hidden routes to places anymore. I would probably have the courage to approach girls, so yes, I think I would fit in without SA.

 

[Thelema]

I would never fit in. I'm strange and I like it that way. I listen to Judas Priest and GWAR and absolutely love it. I'm spending my time right now building a nice little simple boat that I hope to sail around in when the weather starts warming up again.

Sex is something I want to have a lot of but with one girl that I love. Sex means something special too me and I don't think you should have it with just anybody. Sex with lots of girls I don't care about doesn't appeal to me at all. I don't want to go to a club and get girls numbers and all that stuff. I don't want to try to impress a girl and make myself sound better than I am. I want a girl that every morning I can wake up to beside me. A girl that I know loves me with all her heart. I just want to hold a girl all night and tell her I love her and kiss her. I want a girl that is absolutely honest with me. A girl that I can tell all my problems to. A girl I can be myself around without having to worry about saying something or doing something wrong. I'll never have a girl like that because girls would rather have the guy that treats them badly. Guys like me are the friend.... Never to have a girl of our own....

 

[Lonelyheart]

It's interesting seeing the kind of characteristics you listed as being typical of a stereotypical male, because I very rarely come across people like that...

I too wonder where all these aggressive, sex-obsessed, football-watching, party-enthusiastic "stereotypical guys" are...because honestly I don't see so many in real life. There might be some, but they are just extreme personalities like SA.

I think it depends a lot on where you live, work, etc. Most of the men I come in contact with are aggressive, sex-obsessed, football-watching, party-enthusiastic guys. These "normal" men usually find my soft-hearted disposition and lack of interest in engaging in casual, unloving fornication odd; and they'll try to ridicule me when I express my true beliefs.

 

[Lonelyheart]

:lol:

California 8O Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Do you have a picture of you on here by the way and do you have msn :wink:

I am curious to how you look....but with that heart who cares :wink:

Sorry, I don't have any pictures of me online, and I'm too shy to post any pictures of myself.

Here's a verbal description:
6'1''
165lbs
7.5% body fat
clean shaven
dark skin
glasses
short hair
athletic build
dark brown eyes
black hair

 

[cLavain]

I can fit in to a certain degree. My SA is fairly mild these days, and I have realised that although I can fake "normality" to some degree, I lack both an interest in and the skills to make casual conversation for very long. I get bored quickly. My interests tend to be a bit obscure or at least not what most people care about, and it's very hard or impossible to integrate these subjects into everyday mundane chatter. I'm not trying to sound superior or anything, indeed I envy people that can chat with anyone easily, it's an important tool for creating a social network.

I too wonder where all these aggressive, sex-obsessed, football-watching, party-enthusiastic "stereotypical guys" are...because honestly I don't see so many in real life. There might be some, but they are just extreme personalities like SA.

Yes, that's the thing about stereotypes, they rarely exist as real people. It's interesting how we often find it easy to dislike groups of people, but it's usually harder to dislike individuals within that group once you get to know them.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

No. I'm weird so I still wouldn't fit in...well I might fit in SOMEWHERE if I didn't have this stupid problem, but since I do...I fit in nowhere.

 

[Katjelique]

I, for one, have very little respect for gender roles that our explotative society has set up for us. That being said:

You sound nearly like my boyfriend except my bf does not have SA, he's an introvert but he can stand up in a class of 100 and disagree with the professor. But since he does not 'enjoy' the same hobbies as the media portrayed Western male he has very few male friends and rather many female friends. He doesn't fit in with the frat boys, that's a good thing... who would want to? Since he has very strong political views (as do I) he doesn't fit in with other people as well. This is a cause for isolation but that is not SA. I know many guys who like football, sex, parties but they are friends of my boyfriend (we all share the same political views though). Preferences in regards to one's gender isn't what makes him or her a person, there are countless other things. Regardless of your beliefs or traits, SA effects you if you would 'fit' in society or not.

I don't think you should think of your characteristics as being feminine since they have in common the traits you desire in woman, and that is self-control and respect for other people and oneself. I think those are the best (assertive and strong rather than aggressive/passive and frail) traits in a partner. Our society forces us to try and fit into two camps, one for men (aggressive and independant) and one for women (passive and dependant), when really what most people, regardless of gender, want and need is to be assertive and interdependant. That is what companionship is, two people (or more, if you can multi-task like that) share and work off eachother with each person taking into account themselves and the other.

I would like to point out something though, not all homosexual males are effeminate, just like not all homosexual females are masculine. Gender is a social construct and does not play into which sex we are attracted to. That is a offensive sterotype.

 

[shy_girl]

BYE

 

[qipuqipu]

I know this isn't very useful, but I just want to post here to agree with everything Katjelique said.

 

[Lonelyheart]

Great post Katjelique.

I agree with most of what you said. I especially agree with the first section about the gender roles established by the media and not wanting to fit in with aggressive, sex obsessed men.


To members of this forum who disagree with my description of the stereotypical man:
At least 90% of the men I’ve come in contact with during my life time are sex obsessed, aggressive, football watching, womanizing men…. So from my subjective view of the world, the “stereotypical man” is sex obsessed, football watching, and aggressive. Unfortunately, I come in contact with men like this almost every day. The way these men talk about women is truly disturbing and I often feel different for not speaking the same way about women…But at the same time I feel glad that I’m not like they are. When they talk about ladies or going out to clubs I usually become silent.

Here’s an example of a typical conversation that I have to endure from men at work:
Warning: the following passage is a realistic example; as a result, it contains profane, graphic language. Please do not read, if you are sensitive to profane language.

:!: Example Removed

I have decided to remove this example. I realize that some members of this forum may not have and should not ever have to be exposed to or even hear about some of the terrible situations I've had to deal with during my life. I work in a pretty rough neighborhood amongst dangerous people, and the disturbing language I'm exposed to at work is probably not a fair representation of men.