If I could be drunk all the time I would be

[Meggy0001]

I just want the freedom alcohol gives me.
I am now on 30mg on citalopram and the symptoms have gone down and its only been 7 weeks but still I never speak.
I used to be fine with it but since uni this year and seeing people so happy and social has made me realise how lonely I am and have always been and how I just want to be like everyone else.
I have always made myself believe that the way I was okay and made me who I was and blah but now I HATE who I am.
When I'm drunk I talk and soclise and am me the way I am with my family, with myself and its amazing.
I have never even been into drinking and am staying away from it because I end up doing things I am against like I nearly did drugs because of the poor judgment and end up in paces with people I really shouldn't be near and saying things I should never say :'( I just want to be myself you know? without the anxiety, without the loneliness, without always doubting myself, feeling limited and not normal :crying: I am fed up, I really think I am going to die alone, never going to have friends or find love.
I was always scared to go on medication because it takes away feeling and that but right now I would prefer it.
I am not really happy anymore and would love to never care and just not feel anything.


I don't know. I don't really have a question just wanted to get that out of my mind. Any advice would be appreciated though

 

[kihira]

I just want the freedom alcohol gives me.
I am now on 30mg on citalopram and the symptoms have gone down and its only been 7 weeks but still I never speak.
I used to be fine with it but since uni this year and seeing people so happy and social has made me realise how lonely I am and have always been and how I just want to be like everyone else.
I have always made myself believe that the way I was okay and made me who I was and blah but now I HATE who I am.
When I'm drunk I talk and soclise and am me the way I am with my family, with myself and its amazing.
I have never even been into drinking and am staying away from it because I end up doing things I am against like I nearly did drugs because of the poor judgment and end up in paces with people I really shouldn't be near and saying things I should never say :'( I just want to be myself you know? without the anxiety, without the loneliness, without always doubting myself, feeling limited and not normal :crying: I am fed up, I really think I am going to die alone, never going to have friends or find love.
I was always scared to go on medication because it takes away feeling and that but right now I would prefer it.
I am not really happy anymore and would love to never care and just not feel anything.


I don't know. I don't really have a question just wanted to get that out of my mind. Any advice would be appreciated though

I know the feeling, sort of damned if you do drink and damned if you don't. Maybe experiment with moderate drinking at social events? One or two to loosen up but don't go overboard, it might be enough to lower inhibitions enough to have a good time

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I think therapy would help. It definitely is helping me. Try to take a deep breath. By dreading the future, you're no longer in the present. You're trapped in fear. What good does it do to worry? Worry creates more worry, which in turn adds to the fear and anxiety. Before you know it, you're in tears and overwhelmed.

You have plenty of time. Love, career, the future, will all work itself out. What you need to do now is:
1. Try to identify the sources of your fear. The root.
2. Don't ruminate on the past or future. Stay in the now.
3. I'm sure you have plenty of things to be upset about. Focus on anything positive in
your life. (e.g food, shelter, etc). This is actually important. If you can learn to be grateful for the small things, bigger and better things will slowly come your way. Most importantly, this will help create peace of mind.
4. Therapy-Your issues will take time to unravel. Nothing will happen overnight. Don't put a time frame on getting well. Just move forward, one step at a time.

The greatest mountain that you'll ever climb is within. Most people are too afraid to fight their inner demons, so they drown them with alcohol and distractions. The cliche is true, "the only thing to fear, is fear itself".

 

[Meggy0001]

I know the feeling, sort of damned if you do drink and damned if you don't. Maybe experiment with moderate drinking at social events? One or two to loosen up but don't go overboard, it might be enough to lower inhibitions enough to have a good time

I wish I could, a few drinks makes me a feel a bit comfortable but I still never open my mouth. I now want to communicate with someone :/ the loneliness is now unbearable

 

[Meggy0001]

I think therapy would help. It definitely is helping me. Try to take a deep breath. By dreading the future, you're no longer in the present. You're trapped in fear. What good does it do to worry? Worry creates more worry, which in turn adds to the fear and anxiety. Before you know it, you're in tears and overwhelmed.

You have plenty of time. Love, career, the future, will all work itself out. What you need to do now is:
1. Try to identify the sources of your fear. The root.
2. Don't ruminate on the past or future. Stay in the now.
3. I'm sure you have plenty of things to be upset about. Focus on anything positive in
your life. (e.g food, shelter, etc). This is actually important. If you can learn to be grateful for the small things, bigger and better things will slowly come your way. Most importantly, this will help create peace of mind.
4. Therapy-Your issues will take time to unravel. Nothing will happen overnight. Don't put a time frame on getting well. Just move forward, one step at a time.

The greatest mountain that you'll ever climb is within. Most people are too afraid to fight their inner demons, so they drown them with alcohol and distractions. The cliche is true, "the only thing to fear, is fear itself".

Thank you that is true but whenever I try to change my attitude to be more positive just seems that things get worse and I end up exactly where I was again. For every step I take in the right direction I seem to take 2 back

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Thank you that is true but whenever I try to change my attitude to be more positive just seems that things get worse and I end up exactly where I was again. For every step I take in the right direction I seem to take 2 back

Well, you also have to work on the root of your problems as well. Just being positive for the sake of it, is like putting make-up on a crash victim.

Also, consider the company you keep. People that you associate with may not be good for your self esteem. Also, remember that when people criticize, take advantage of, lie..etc. It's a reflection of them, not you. Don't take it personally.

 

[Opaline]

I think all of the advice given above was good. I can empathize with how you feel. I'm kind of in the same boat right now. I think therapy is the best option, especially a group therapy for social anxiety if you can find one near you - I've read that group therapy for SA gets the most positive results.

In the meantime, keep trying and know that there are things you can do to get some help. It's easy to feel that we are stuck like this forever, but I think most people with this problem can find ways to begin to overcome it, through challenging themselves, therapy, medication, etc. Sometimes I feel stuck, too, but I realize I haven't tried everything. In fact I haven't tried much except Paxil and challenging myself. I think therapy gets overlooked far too often.