I went to the meeting....


Active member
The meeting was today and I went, my wonderful husband came with me for support.
I felt so uneasy in the car on the way there, my stomach hurt because I was so tense.
As soon as I walked in the door a guy gave us name tags and I couldnt even speak to tell him my name, my husband told him then we were lead into a room with a large table with people sitting around it, immediately i felt confronted because I knew that we would be sitting around a table staring at each other and talking - why didnt I think this would be how it was set up? I was thinking that it would be chairs facing the front and some guy talking at the front. Anyway I freaked out but sat down near a corner, I could feel people looking at me and freaked out even more, I was making myself worse but couldnt snap out of it. I felt sick in my stomach. A nice man sat down and started talking and I wasnt even listening to what he was saying, I was focusing all my energy on trying not to cry or run away. Then he said to me that its completely normal what im doing and its ok to get it all out, that was it, I couldnt hold back the tears, i was a mess, some guy quietly asked if I wanted to go outside and I bolted to the door which wasnt the door I came in.... I was getting disorentated, I was completely freaking out like a rabbit caught in someone's headlights. My husband tried to calm me down, then some lady came out and tried to have a conversation with me, I couldnt even look at her. After 10 minutes my husband calmed me down and we walked back in, but had to walk out a few more times. I dont know what happened to me, I just couldnt control myself, it was terrible and there wasnt anything I could do about it.
There were about 14 people in the room around this fucking table and I realised that some were shy and not talking and some wouldnt shut up, this is when I worked out that this self help group was for OCD people too, im sure they didnt understand what was going on with me freaking out and that made me even worse.
I dont think I remember anything about what was said in the meeting, my husband was wonderful and while trying to help me he got most of what was going on and later on at home he told me what was said to try and help me understand what the meeting was actually about.
Anyway after an hour and a half of the meeting it was time to leave and I told my husband to get to our car and I will follow him, some guy intersected us on the way out and asked if we wanted to talk to him, we followed him into a room and he was so nice and told us that he is the same as me and its ok, we talked for a bit (well he did and I tried), I told him that im not sure if i would come back, he gave me some numbers to ring for counselling one on one.
I guess im not ready for a group self help class. It was a disaster.
This is starting to sound like im writting my own personal blog so I will leave it at that.
Thanks for reading this post


Active member
Goodness me, that sounds like a dreadful experience - brings back memories of how I was at your age (I'm 38 now). Nothing worse than that panicky intense feeling when you can really FEEL people looking at you....at least you had your husband there - he sounds great!

Sounds like it might not be such a good group??? Our Connect group is much more informal - couches, no table and is only for SP - I really don't think others who don't have SP should be there - too freaky...

Looking on the bright side (there has to be one!!) I've found some of best progress has come from hitting rock bottom - it's almost like you have to get angry and upset before going forward??

One on one counselling is so much easier, I've found - less embarrassing when you cry too! I got quite good at talking about things with counsellors (not that I was ever diagnosed with SA). One thought I was agrophobic - took me to a public place and had me stand by myself for a few minutes - I didn't panic (of course) there was no social component involved!!....he then didn't know what was wrong with me, doh!

Hope you are okay and don't feel bad about yourself - you are so brave to go - that is the main thing :)

Cheers, Helen


Active member
Hi Helen,
Your connect group sounds amazing.
The saturday group also runs on Tuesday nights once a month. Im not sure if I can go back, I would definately make more of an effort if it was only SA people there, but with so many confident people there who dont understand what its like for me kind of makes it really hard. I thought the group was just for SA people but it actually is for all people that suffer from anxiety in any form including OCD. I guess i dont understand their problems either so its hard for everyone there.
I think things will get better for me when I start to really deal with someone one on one, its gonna be hard road but I want to get better.
Thank you so much for replying Helen.


Active member
Experiances like these can really make you feel like there is no hope, but when you get really down there is only one way to go and thats up!!! No matter how bad there is hope.


Well-known member
Thanks funnyman.

I kind of feel like I can never go to that place again. I feel sick in my stomach just thinking about it.
I havnt rung the phone numbers that the nice man gave me, I still have the phone numbers but I dont want to go through that again. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes just thinking about going through that again.
I know im not depressed, I have been depressed years ago and I know im not at that horrible dark place again. I just cant kick this fucking social problem.
Its good that my husband knows more about it, he is encouraging and gently pushing me to do things that I would normally make excuses to get out of. Last night a friend of a friend was having a tupperware party and I sort of planned to go with my friend, the friend I was going to go with pulled out at the last minute and normally I would have made some stupid excuse to get out of it but my husband talked to me and then I ended up going by myself! I cant believe I did it, I kind of freaked out a tiny bit when I arrived and sat in the car for a little while trying to stop myself from driving back home. I think I did really well and I might have been a little quiet at the party but I think its a start. I know that my conversation skills are pretty bad so maybe I can work on that to make myself more confident.

I know what im honestly trying to do and im not sure if its good or not - im trying to fix this problem by myself so that I dont have to go to any self help group again, is that wrong?


Active member
That post above was from me, even though it says guest :oops:
I deleted the cookies while doing a virus check :oops:
I guess thats not a bad thing cause it stops me from deleting it! LOL


Active member
Perhaps going to a therapist of some type would be better than going it alone. Its good to have professional advise at hand. Trying to help yourself I think is fine because thats part of what people do to get better, but not the only thing. Hell I know I've got a ways to go yet. Maybe the group thing is something you could look at further down the track!


Active member
Thanks for the advice funnyman, I dont think I would ever be able to go back to the group thing, I feel like a fool for freaking out there, I know that its probably ok to do that there but I didnt see anyone else there not being able to handle being there. I kind of feel like I acted like a lunatic.
Anyway I will continue to stare at the phone numbers and hopefully ring them soon, I guess its good to get some advice to help me, but getting there is harder than anything.


Active member
Yes getting there is hard but hopefully it will feel good when you've made it through your first session :D . I find myself that when I make it through a testing situation it feels really good.