Harleyq
Well-known member
I feel so discouraged. I thought perhaps my social phobia was easing up but last night I started a new job and it came back full force.
I never would've taken the job (waiting tables) if I wasn't desperate - I really need money right now and this is the only job I can get that fits with my college schedule. It's with my old boss, at his new restaurant.
I feel like I have to be better than I think I'm capable of because I've worked under the same people before and so have my coworkers (though we didn't work together). They know about me, so I feel like if I f-ck up a lot, I'll alienate everyone and they'll think I'm stupid. I don't know if I can handle this job. I'm not a good people person and as you all probably know, fast-paced high stress situations are extremely difficult to handle with anxiety.
I think I've been anxious for so long that I've trained myself to ignore it - or maybe I get so anxious about everything else that I don't think about how I feel physically - because last night (first night on the job), one of the waiters told me to loosen up because I looked extremely tense...and I thought to myself "I don't THINK I'm that anxious." I actually thought I was doing well to look calm. So then I got extremely embarrassed.
I know it's the people-pleaser in me. I can't help it, I want others to like me. I'm terrified to death of being viewed negatively and I don't know how I'm going to avoid that with this new job.
Last night I didn't get to sleep til 2:00 am cause I was still nervous about my coworkers and future customers after my shift ended at 10:00 pm. I wanted to cry and I felt like I needed to vomit, which hasn't happened in a really long time.
I never would've taken the job (waiting tables) if I wasn't desperate - I really need money right now and this is the only job I can get that fits with my college schedule. It's with my old boss, at his new restaurant.
I feel like I have to be better than I think I'm capable of because I've worked under the same people before and so have my coworkers (though we didn't work together). They know about me, so I feel like if I f-ck up a lot, I'll alienate everyone and they'll think I'm stupid. I don't know if I can handle this job. I'm not a good people person and as you all probably know, fast-paced high stress situations are extremely difficult to handle with anxiety.
I think I've been anxious for so long that I've trained myself to ignore it - or maybe I get so anxious about everything else that I don't think about how I feel physically - because last night (first night on the job), one of the waiters told me to loosen up because I looked extremely tense...and I thought to myself "I don't THINK I'm that anxious." I actually thought I was doing well to look calm. So then I got extremely embarrassed.
I know it's the people-pleaser in me. I can't help it, I want others to like me. I'm terrified to death of being viewed negatively and I don't know how I'm going to avoid that with this new job.
Last night I didn't get to sleep til 2:00 am cause I was still nervous about my coworkers and future customers after my shift ended at 10:00 pm. I wanted to cry and I felt like I needed to vomit, which hasn't happened in a really long time.
