I think I've hit a new low.

[Cal]

So I've never really considered my SA and other problems to be extreme, but something clicked in my head last night. I think I realise now that I'm in denial, and have some serious issues and need professional help, RIGHT AWAY.

I've been away from this forum for quite some time now, mainly because I had a boost in confidence and was persuing other interests. But the last week... things haven't been up to scratch, I'm dealing with some negative things at the moment and just not coping, and on top of that I've become much more anxious than usual, I couldn't even post a message on this site.

I've been spending a lot of time with a girl I like recently, which has been pleasant, to say the least. I have very strong feelings for her though and have been trying to work up the courage to tell her how I feel.

I'm not really good with that sort of thing, mainly in this situation because I'm afraid of ruining the friendship, which I hold very dearly. But last night I was trying to let her know through email anyways, IT TOOK ME 7 HOURS(!!)... to type out what I had to say, I just kept going over it again and again and again. Then when I was ready to send it off, I couldn't do it.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I really needed to vent, I'm feeling very confused, freaked out and lonely as of late and very unsure of what steps to take to get to where I want to be.

 

[Phobologist]

Hey bro it sounds like are you going through a very tough time. I agree with you about denial, I didnt admit I had social phobia until about a year ago. As regard's the girl, I think you shouldn't tell her unless you feel she likes you too. That could ruin your friendship.

Best Wishes

 

[reslo]

i can relate in the sense that it seems to take me forever to do anything- it typically takes me about 90 minutes to fill out a typical job application... and with phone calls, i can postpone those for hours, and i may tell people that i "forgot" to get something done when in actuality i was spending hours worrying about it.

i aways feel like the horse in the phrase "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" so i know what it feels like to be so close, yet so far~

so i do hope you find help or a way to do things better because a person can waste a whole lotta time with this disease.

 

[Scrabbl]

Yeah don't confess unless you are absolutely sure she feels the same way lol.

It sounds like you've had a pretty tough week. That doesn't mean your SA is getting worse though, since you're dealing with things that are out of your control. It's not your fault. You just need to find some distractions to bring you out of the slump

 

[Cal]

Thanks for all your comments.

First things first, I told this girl how I felt... and no, the result wasn't exactly what I was hoping for. She'd always suspected that I felt the way I do, and was actually wondering when I was going to speak up. She also mentioned she had considered dating me on more than one occasion, which was surprising. But while I have many good points, she just couldn't see herself with me.

On the other hand, she commended my courage in telling her, and said she really values our friendship and doesn't want that to change. I dunno if that was said to spare my feelings or not, but I'm just glad things didn't end disastrously.

There'll be more to come some other time I think. The situation with this girl isn't what has me depressed at all, to be honest it was just the trigger that caused me to have that spontaneous outburst the other day. So yeah, this isn't just a bad week... I usually just put on a brave smile for people (even online) so I don't burden them. But I can't do it anymore, I'm here for a reason, after all.