I think I will die young
- Thread starter Clown
- Start date
I wish I hadn't gad I always feel physically unwell, the muscle tension everywhere, just look at the dms symptoms .... you guys can atleast enjoy things.... im most of the time focused on my symptoms I think 70 year old feels better then I do physically.
For me its the combination of SA and GAD if the the muscle tension rises so does my social anxiety ( think that people can see my muscle tension for some strange reason) Things need to go better fast or else I may not live very long.
The stress has taken a toll on my body, so I die of hearth attack or get cancer at young age or just suicide
For me its the combination of SA and GAD if the the muscle tension rises so does my social anxiety ( think that people can see my muscle tension for some strange reason) Things need to go better fast or else I may not live very long.
The stress has taken a toll on my body, so I die of hearth attack or get cancer at young age or just suicide
I find it incredibly frustrating. Dying young is a real possibility for me and I hate it, It's a burden I carry everyday. I go to the brink and back frequently. I would trade anything for health alas the only thing my immune system is capable of killing off-is me, so I spend half my life in hospital. There is nothing in death, a big nothing of nothingness and no potential for anything and no hope at all no second chances, nothing.nothing.nothing.nothing.infinity-This is all you get, this chance, it's not a dress rehearsal, it IS Life and you can't re-do it.
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I'm really sorry to hear about your condition NTGOM :I want to think of a more catchy nickname for you, btw!). And your story just goes to show that we just have to try and make the most of whatever we have - no matter how much or how little. Some of the happiest most grateful people I've ever met were orphans in Asia. There IS a way to enjoy life and be thankful for things, sometimes it may mean making a few changes here and there, but it can be done. There is always a hope.
Yea I got renamed on Mibbit to 'Jewel' because my name is too long apparently
It's something I can't change but it's a strong reminder every day to do whatever I can because I don't know how many fights I have. I live my life as normally as I can, I don't 'look' sick, I don't sound sick so I don't draw attention, I can go out and about. My hospital visits are short but frequent as are my attacks. A couple days and I'm out, a couple of days and I'm in and so forth during turbulent times.That also means that should I not get help on time I'll be gone in minutes. I live with constant awareness of an egg timer over my head. But I'm done sitting around feeling sorry for myself there's people a lot worse off.
There's a stroke victim in my ward, a woman in her early 40s who has to have her mouth suctioned every ten mins of every day and night. She gets one visitor once every 3 weeks. Every day she gets up with the help of three nurses and sits in a chair and tries to do her makeup which takes incredible effort. One day her much anticipated visitor, her daughter didnt turn up to visit. She was so sad it nearly broke my heart watching her watching the door waiting. I felt so bad for her I went over and sat with her. It is very hard to understand her speaking, excruciating! She was so happy to have someone sit with her I was talking nonsense as I usually do and just joking about and she started crying she was so happy to have somebody to talk with her. She sits up in that chair and practices gripping things and moving her hands and toes every day.
It just seems so unfair when somebody like this woman, who also lives a very isolated life fights so hard to keep on living and fights to get better though she has little support and few visitors she keeps on getting up and sitting in that chair every day and keeps smiling . Others just don't really care to appreciate the gift of life. It frustrates me.
silverblue
Member
I think the hardest thing to endure is the knowledge your life will never be the way you want it to be. It's hard to accept your heart's desires will never come true. The longer you go on like this, the more overwhelming it becomes that what you thought your life would be will never be. All the meds in the world won't make me the person I want to me.
goodways
Member
This seems like an important conversation. But there seem to be two clearly defined sides to the argument.
One side is trying really, really valiantly to find the goodness in life, and try to find reasons to make life worth living. A lot of it makes sense, and to a normal person it would seem totally believable and rational.
The other side can't hear any of it. That's my impression from all this. No matter how much you try and convince someone of the goodness and happiness in living, if they don't want to believe it, they won't. And they'll go on being miserable forever, or worse.
Many of you are trying so desperately to get people to fight back, to resist the emotions and the hopelessness and despair, the self-loathing and the emptiness that so many of us have felt. And for some, it might even get through and a hopeful few might turn their lives around and look back on this time as merely an obstacle they had to overcome. But I do not see the majority of people who wish to die early, and young, and full of hate and pain and sadness having any desire at all to change the path they've wrought for themselves.
It seems to me like a morally hopeless argument, to try and convince someone in this kind of state that things really aren't so bad and all you have to do is change your attitude and then things will get better. These people have lost all faith in everything, it seems to me, and no amount of cajoling or persuasion is going to change that.
As for me, my own personal misery is total and all-encompassing, so much so that I've become anhedonic. I see the logic and rationality of the counter-arguments, but I still cannot agree. Something in me more powerful than the logic centers of my brain simply prevents that from happening. I am sure it is much the same for many of the rest of you. So what do we do?
That, is the real question, and none of us will find answers outside of ourselves.
One side is trying really, really valiantly to find the goodness in life, and try to find reasons to make life worth living. A lot of it makes sense, and to a normal person it would seem totally believable and rational.
The other side can't hear any of it. That's my impression from all this. No matter how much you try and convince someone of the goodness and happiness in living, if they don't want to believe it, they won't. And they'll go on being miserable forever, or worse.
Many of you are trying so desperately to get people to fight back, to resist the emotions and the hopelessness and despair, the self-loathing and the emptiness that so many of us have felt. And for some, it might even get through and a hopeful few might turn their lives around and look back on this time as merely an obstacle they had to overcome. But I do not see the majority of people who wish to die early, and young, and full of hate and pain and sadness having any desire at all to change the path they've wrought for themselves.
It seems to me like a morally hopeless argument, to try and convince someone in this kind of state that things really aren't so bad and all you have to do is change your attitude and then things will get better. These people have lost all faith in everything, it seems to me, and no amount of cajoling or persuasion is going to change that.
As for me, my own personal misery is total and all-encompassing, so much so that I've become anhedonic. I see the logic and rationality of the counter-arguments, but I still cannot agree. Something in me more powerful than the logic centers of my brain simply prevents that from happening. I am sure it is much the same for many of the rest of you. So what do we do?
That, is the real question, and none of us will find answers outside of ourselves.
coyote
Well-known member
if i had a broken arm or a bladder infection
would i say, "goodness me, i can't stand living with this - no way I could live another 20 years in agonizing pain - might as well just die now!" ???
no - I'd go get the problem fixed so that I could enjoy my life
it's the same thing here
btw - when i was 20, it was 1984, and i thought i'd die in the impending nuclear holocaust
crystal balls are rarely accurate
would i say, "goodness me, i can't stand living with this - no way I could live another 20 years in agonizing pain - might as well just die now!" ???
no - I'd go get the problem fixed so that I could enjoy my life
it's the same thing here
btw - when i was 20, it was 1984, and i thought i'd die in the impending nuclear holocaust
crystal balls are rarely accurate
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chrisjurban
Well-known member
yeah ik what you mean, i think. i tend to get the feeling that everything is kind of fake, social interactions, jobs, school, hobbies, personal ventures. there is no good feeling inherent to doing these things. happiness doesn't seem to be a part of them, they just take on the feeling of things done for the sake of doing them. i feel estranged from "the real me," the person i was when i was like ages 4-8, the one that had no self-awareness and had mucho flow. i feel like i'll never get over my anxiety and other issues and never feel better. i'm not exactly sure what to say...it does start to feel better, and the only thing that estranges you from yourself in a state of flow is a ****load of cortisol that's flooding your prefrontal cortex and the thought processes you revert to while in this state. i think learning different models for looking at anxiety provoking situations can help a lot.
silverblue
Member
You act like a simple pill will cure Social Phobias and anxiety.
For me, I've spent over tens of thousands on therapy, been on every crazy med around, and things keep compounding, it's not just anxiety/depression anymore, but now issues of auto-immune problems. Many people with problems with anxiety and depression have physical problems far more complex than a broken arm. There's a mind body connection, all the stress and problems with anxiety cause physical issues. I have serious auto-immune issues already, thyroid problems and chronic fatigue.
If I live to be 60, I see a future with all sorts of even more physical problems, by then probably full blown fibromyalgia, and yes, I'd rather die young than be dehabilated with pain. And I'll be alone and have no one to take care of me anyways.
R3K
Well-known member
i think this topic might have sme corelation to that suicide topic someone posted a month ago or something... it talked about how different ethnicities tend to deal with frustration in different ways. for example, blacks took it out on others (homocides/assaults), while whites punished themselves (suicide/self-mutilation/whatever).
i've found that everytime i think about this growing old with SA concept i get pissed and feel like breaking stuff, or finding some way to make others understand my plight and my suffering.
i used to imagine what life would be like if roman-style arenas were still in existence. i'd have jumped in there a long-@$$ time ago and gladly taken on like 50 guys armed with axes and swords not expecting to survive.
the OP said he knew a "happy" life before his anxiety/avpd or w/e he has, and that now his life is worse and maybe not worth living. as someone who's had it his whole life, i can't imagine what life without SAD is like, so i'd rather be in his/her shoes... cause at least then i'd have had a taste of what a real, normal life is like and could have something nice to reminisce upon. *sigh*::
i've found that everytime i think about this growing old with SA concept i get pissed and feel like breaking stuff, or finding some way to make others understand my plight and my suffering.
i used to imagine what life would be like if roman-style arenas were still in existence. i'd have jumped in there a long-@$$ time ago and gladly taken on like 50 guys armed with axes and swords not expecting to survive.
the OP said he knew a "happy" life before his anxiety/avpd or w/e he has, and that now his life is worse and maybe not worth living. as someone who's had it his whole life, i can't imagine what life without SAD is like, so i'd rather be in his/her shoes... cause at least then i'd have had a taste of what a real, normal life is like and could have something nice to reminisce upon. *sigh*:
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